VERY WEIRD FUCKED UP ONESHOTS

PATRICK GETS CUM IN HIS HAIR

THIS IS A JOKE. IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE GOOD. OR AMAZING. OR FUNNY. IT'S JUST PURE SHIT. SIT BACK AND ENJOY.

Patrick gasped dramatically. What was that?! He carefully touched his beautiful blonde hair with the tips of his shaking fingers. Something wet, and sticky clinged onto his fingers. He held them in front of his wide blue eyes. There it was. The sperm. Laughter could be heard across the cafeteria. "WHO DID THIS?!" Patrick got up on his chair and screamed, tears running down his puffy red cheeks. He stomped on the chair he was stood on. "I SAID WHO?!" The cafeteria had gone quiet, beside a few snickers from here and there.

"Me." Said a voice to the right. Patrick spun around, baring his lower teeth. "HOW DARE YOU." He roared. The man, an emo, shrugged. "Dude." Dallon said, poking patricks legs in an attempt to get him to sit down. "Fuck off Dildo!" Patrick sneered. His eyes had turned bright red at this point. A chorus of gasps could be heard. Patrick calmly got off the chair, walking uncomfortably slowly to the emo. He stood there, carelessly. Patrick roughly grabbed his arm, pulling him along to the mens room. "I'm going to teach you a fucking lesson you fucktwat." Patricks nails dug into his arm. "Actaully, my name is Pete. And I don't think fucktwat is an actual word." Pete commented. Patrick slammed him into one of the walls as they arrived in the bathrooms. "Don't you ever. Ever again, put sperm in my beautiful, elegant hair again. Do you understand?" Patrick said in a low voice, hoping to be intimidating. Pete nodded slowly. He then smirked. "Whats so funny?" Patrick asked. "I think you like it." Pete stated. Patrick was shocked. "What?" He yelled. "I believe you like my cum in your hair, pretty boy." Pete's smirk grew wider and wider. "You want more." He continued. "N-no I don't." Patrick took a step back, suddenly feeling intimidated. ".. well I think you do." Said pete. Patrick shook his head.
"Yes you do."
"No."
"Yes."
"No-

Patrick was cut off. The door to the mens room slammed open. There stod Dallon. "Yum yum anyone got some cum?" He said enthusiatically. Patricks mouth fell open in shock. "D-dallon??" He trembled. Pete went over to the taller man, seemingly having forgot patrick was ever there. "Hey daldy boy." He winked. "You got cum?" Dallon asked, face stone cold." Pete sighed. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small package filled with a white ish liquid. "Here... you'll have to pay for it though..." Pete looked at the ground with sad eyes. Dallon slapped some dollars to his chest, then left. The door slammed behind him.

"W-what was that?" Patrick whispered. He was curious. Pete looked over at him. "I deal cum Patrick... didn't you know?" Patrick shook his head. "But... why did you put cum in my hair? How could you do that?" Tears welled up in his eyes. The boy looked so broken. Pete hurried over to him, wiping away his tears. "Everything is going to be okay Patty. Everything will make sense soon okay? You're my little devil boy." Pete stared fondly into patricks red eyes. He stroked his chin sexually. Patrick sighed, his eyelids fluttering. "Do it again."

And so he did.

-

3 months later, Patrick and Pete were stood in the same bathroom. "YOU TOLD ME YOU STOPPED DEALING PETE?! HOW COULD YOU LIE TO MY FACE?!" Patrick's voice was raw with emotion. His eyes? Red rimmed with tears flowing out of them like the niagra falls. Or whatever they're called. He felt so betrayed by his love. Pete was the one for him, he was so sure of that when they met all those weeks ago. Now? Not so much.

Pete was biting his lip. "I just... I can't help it. It... it turns me on patrick." Pete whispered the last part. "And Dallon is so hot. It's so hard to stop. I've been doing my best, but my buyers are everywhere." Pete wad staring at the ground shamefully. "I hate that I've done this to you. "I should've treated you better, my devil boy." He wiped a tear of his cheek, then left the bathroom. Patrick had been abandoned.

-

Patrick was a storm. Patrick was blue, and grey and Black. He was dark shades swirling around, growing angrier by the second. He was roaring. He was light as a feather, stiff as a board. Whithout Pete, he had gone mad. What are you supposed to do, when the love of your life is addicted to selling their own cum? Patricks life is over. All thats left is anger, betrayal and sadness. And horniness. But that detail wasnt important. He couldn't take it anymore. He now knew what he had to do.

Candles were everywhere. The air smelled from herbs. Patrick was chanting from a book in latin. Around him was a pentagram. Blood ran down his eyes, but he kept chanting. He coudln't stop now. It was the only solution, the only way. He needed to see his father.

His real father.

He was coming, he could sense it. His chanting grew louder, and the flames around him almost reached up to the ceiling. The last seconds before his arrival he started choking. Satan was a kinky bastard.

Then he was there. Magestic, with big horns and wearing a green christmas sweater. "What is it you want, my child."

"Daddy." Patrick said in amazement.
"I am not your daddy." Satan said awlwardly, shuffling his feet. "The love of my life has betrayed me. I need you to take me to hell, my life here is over with." Patrick pleaded, falling to his knees. "No." Said satan, and disappeared.

At first Patricks anger flared. Then he was just sad. And horny. So he decided to go to the 24/7 store around the corner of his apartment.

He quickly grabbed condoms and lube, heading to pay. And ofcourse, there was pete.

"Oh hey..." he said. "Hi." Patrick said bitterly. Pete checked out his items. "So...you got another boyfren now?" Pete seemed sad. Patrick shock his heaf. "Love is not real." He stated, and left the shop.

-

It's been months. Patrick is over Pete. He is now dating Tom. Tom who can cook, Tom who is nice. And Tom who is not a cum dealer. They we're cuddled up on the couch, enjoying their evening. Everything was perfect. "I love you." Said Patrick, and burrowed his fave into Toms chest. "I love you too." He pecked him on the nose. A noise could be heard from the door. "Mail? At this time?" Patrick wondered out loud and got up from the couch. He went into their dark hallway, only a small lamp lit. There, on the floor was a small bag.

It couldnt be....
But it was. Ofocurse it was. After all this time, patricks nightmares had come pack to haunt him. Ofcourse it was a small bag of cum. Pete would never let him live his life in peace. A tear ran down his cheek. He was trapped in this hell forever. He tore the bag open, throwing it around. Cum landed in his hair, and on their carpet. Patrick sniffeled pathetically. "There is cum in my hair again." He sunk to the floor, and drowned in his own tears.

The end. 🥑