Weathered Love

SORRY

"Wait, what?" I responded, confused. I was hoping he'd go first so I knew exactly how to implement his rules by mimicking his sentence structure.

"I want to know how you felt and what made you feel the way you did when we argued," Andrew carefully responded.

"OK..." I hesitantly conceded. I took in a deep breath. I racked my brain to remember the emotional sensitivity classes I had to take in high school that I thought were completely useless. I should have paid better attention. "I felt like..." I started, finally peeking to confirm I was headed in the right direction by reading Andrew's expression. He was sitting there with a patient smile on his face. "I felt like you didn't want to spend time with me and maybe that you were even bored with me and didn't care about me as much because you refused two of my invitations to go out to eat but you accepted Noah's. And then when I asked you about it later, you said you didn't want to be rude but that made me wonder why you seemed to care about being rude to Noah but didn't seem to care about being rude to me and it made me feel like you cared more about Noah's feelings than mine," I hurriedly explained, as if going through my argument quickly would make my words less painful or accusatory.

Andrew took a moment, looking like he was physically swallowing my words. Had I broken any of his rules and he was trying to find the kindest way to tell me? Was he thinking that I was being so unreasonable and he still couldn't understand what the big deal was? Was he making a genuine effort to understand my point of view and sympathize with me?

"I'm sorry," he finally let out. The apology didn't seem so genuine, which irked me, but I had to remember that we were trying really hard to just express ourselves without hurting each other. I took a few breaths, waiting for Andrew to continue.

"Do you not want to continue?" I finally asked, wondering why he was taking so long to speak.

"I'm... I feel a little bad about what happened, so I'm just gathering myself," he finally responded. He looked genuinely apologetic at that point, and my heart instantly melted. I leaned over, placed my hands on each side of his head, and brought us in for a kiss.

"It's OK," I truly forgave. "I didn't exactly handle it in the best way, so I'm also sorry." He gave me a half-hearted smile, then weaved his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, resting his head on my chest and letting out a tense sigh. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head on top of his, closing my eyes again and enjoying the tender moment. "Hey, neither of us got some real sleep last night. Why don't we take a nap?" I offered. I had a bigger bed than Andrew did, and the sleep had hit me really hard in that moment. As if all the tension had been a huge caffeine boost that instantly wore off in that moment.

"Sounds good," Andrew sleepily replied. Almost instantly, he was asleep in my arms. I looked at his peaceful expression as he slowly and smoothly breathed in and out. I relished the comfort of his heartbeat as I felt it reverberate throughout my own body. The rhythmic beating brought me into a trance, and, just as quickly as Andrew did, I drifted off into a tranquil sleep.

* * *

"Happy Turkey Day," Andrew stated as he walked into my apartment, grocery bag in hand, placing a kiss on my cheek. I smiled, but it was forced. "Uh oh," Andrew stated, giving me a concerned expression. "What happened? You just woke up. Your day can't have been that bad already," he pointed out.

"I'm just not really crazy about today," I generally admitted.

"Ivan?" Andrew ventured a guess. I nodded. Was it really a year ago already? Andrew placed the groceries on the counter, walked over to me, and held me. "If you're feeling guilty, don't. I'm sure he'd want you to celebrate this day in the way he loved best - stuffing your face. And if you're missing him, that's OK. If you're angry at him, that's OK too," Andrew permitted.