Light and Shadow✔️

Court

I left right after, saying goodbye to no one, trying to understand what the hell had just happened. My breath was still uneasy when I got home, though that could've been from flying so fast. Automatic I undressed, the scene still replaying in my head. What the spiderfly had that just been? My tips glided over the marks his teeth had left, they felt somewhat wet. Why was the wound healing so slow?

I don't think it has to be said that I slept not one minute of that night. When the sun rose I finally gave up, threw a dressing gown over myself and waddled down into the kitchen. It was empty, so I could make myself a fruit bowl and yogurt, which I took into the garden. The sun was just looking over the tips of the trees opposite the estate. The river was rushing past and for one moment I could've sworn I heard a whisper on the wind. Then I knew, there would be no way I could stay here after tomorrow. I would have to start fighting for myself, my freedom. I couldn't let the others do the work for me anymore, I needed to stand up for myself. It settled in me, but I wasn't afraid. Not for me anyway, I had never been. Defiant, angry maybe, but never afraid. 

The day went over slow.

Sun was already at its height when the others started to fill into the garden for breakfast. They did their best to play over their stress, but their laughs were tight and mostly false. I was thankful but did my best to enjoy it. 

Azriel was suspiciously always farthest away from me. I wish he wouldn't have been. I wanted to have said goodbye to him as well, but he was smart in keeping away from me. It was dangerous for him to be to close, father would get angry with him.

Still, I had wanted to tell him what he meant to me, what last night had meant. But maybe he wasn't ready for that and rushing him would be cruel of me.

Night came, they had thrown a very big dinner, which probably meant that they didn't expect me to come back tomorrow. I couldn't blame them. 

I had been up for the better part of two days, so sleep found me relatively easy, even though my gut already told me what would happen tomorrow. I had to accept it if I wouldn't Mor would step in. It had to be my choice, out of free will I would have to go back. I didn't know where I was supposed to take the courage to defy them after. 

I remembered the day I had fled. Freedom isn't a thing to be taken, it is a state of mind. No matter what bars they would hold me behind, I would always be free. It helped that I could probably melt most bars anyway. 

The next day my friends didn't look like themselves. All of them would come to the trail. Except for Amren and Nesta, they would stay to hold the city. But the others, they were terrifying. All of them a grim look on their faces. The High Couple looked so much like Mistress and Master of Nightmares instead of Dreams, I almost decided not to go. Why would anyone want to be at a place where the nicest High Fae would have to be... well, that. Mor wasn't better, she looked like the Morrigan of all the stories. Someone not to be trifled with.

We would winnow, then fly in. 

But before that, I had to do something.

"Guys, I wanted to tell you... I'm sorry. All of this, this whole mess is my fault. I-" I had pondered over this speech for the better part of the morning, but Mor didn't seem to care.

"Would you stop? We're not doing this only for you. There are hundreds and hundreds of females who count on us, all of us, to get this right. It has never been right that someone should be hurt and humiliated just because of their gender. A lot is at stake tonight and none of that is really your fault. It's their fault. They are the ones thinking a violation of your rights is just, not you. They are the ones deeming taking your fate in your own hands is wrong. There's nothing you have to be sorry for, stop trying to take the blame for males that take more than what's their right. I'm going first" then she was gone.

The others nodded their agreement, which made my cheeks stain.

Without another word, we also left for the Court of Nightmares. None of them wanted to say goodbye, it felt too much like jinxing the trial. 

The Court under the Mountain was worse than what I had imagined. A court full of festering evil. No wonder my Grandmother had been such a quiet wallflower if she had grown up around this.

The court was held in an oval room. Five seats were erected behind an oval, marble counsel. There were seats all around and two tables at the front. They seated me at the left one.

Then, they began.

I didn't hear anything of the trail, even though it went on for hours on end, I wouldn't have understood what they were talking about anyway. 

Finally, they came to a decision.

"Meira Fortis, Daughter of Cullian Fortis, will be given back to her Father, where she belongs. It is her Father who will protect her from the whims of her brother. This is our final decision" the smile on Keir's face was triumphant.

Honestly, I had expected Keir to make a bigger thing out of this announcement, thanking everyone for coming today, things like that.

Instead, the hall just exploded with chatter, screams, and cussing. There was cackling, Tinus was patting my father on the back. But under all that, the only thing I felt, or more cared about, was Azriel. I was looking him dead in the eye and for the first time ever I saw his face mirror his emotions. The stunned rage, the urge to strangle Keir, Tinus, my father, whoever he got his hands on first. But I was pulling at that place of shadow inside me, pushing, kicking to get his attention.

His hazel eyes met mine.

Let me go, my voice sounded hollow in this place.

His eyes widened in confusion and panic.

No, don't. A fight would do no one any good. Trust me, let me go back with them, I was trying my hardest to make him understand.

This had nothing to do with me giving myself up. The change had to come from within. They had to realize they were wrong, but I had to do this the old fashioned way. No one would accept me at the camp if I would fight against this decision right now and I would definitely need their approval. 

Azriel seemed to understand, still, he answered, How can I just watch you go back there?

I'll come back. I promised. I'll stay with you, always, my hand wandered to the place at my shoulder, I'll come back.

He blinked once, then pulled back Cassian, who was cursing at my brother. Before Tinus could retaliate I was with them, holding him back.

My brother tried to push me out of his was, but I made him look at me: "They aren't worth it."

Cassian and Azriel knew very well I wasn't really talking with my brother: "Home. We need to go home."

Finally, that made my brother wake up. His brown eyes found mine, they were so dull, so two-dimensional in comparison to Azriel's stormy Hazel ones. I wondered if I would always compare brown eyes to those of the male behind me.

I cast one last look over my shoulder, I'll only be a shadow away.
I could've sworn a smile tugged at his lips, but before it had really taken form it was already gone.

A/N: We're steadily approaching the end of this journey, my dear readers. I'm still so overwhelmed by the amout of people that like this story. Thank you for all your support, comments and votes. I'll definitely write this in the last chapter as well, but I'm just very thankful to you all, sooo... that's that. Tell me what you liked and didn't like in this chapter, so I can grow as a writer and I hoped you enjoyed the chapter. 

Love Chihirophie