bring it back ➳ ben hardy [2]

entry

dear baby,

your mum was the one who came up with the idea to write journals to give you on your eighteenth birthday. i've never liked an idea more. didn't quite know what to write at first, though. but your dear mum, right now we're on our honeymoon and you have her tossing her lunch after catching a whiff of something i couldn't smell so i thought i could at least do a stream of consciousness until i figure out all i'm going to exactly write.

our wedding was yesterday. i'm tearing up just thinking about it. the family doesn't know about you yet but we let our friends know. there was this moment of platonic intimacy shared among our group as we watched mum and minuscule you come down the aisle. i'll admit, i sobbed. how could i not? she was gorgeous in her white dress and her flower crown. an angel on earth, your mum.

we went through a lot of rough patches, but that's okay. what matters now is our love and our future. meeting you in a handful of months. having others, possibly. celebrating milestone after milestone after milestone.

i met your mum when i didn't want to be found by anyone. when i was too busy... i don't know what i was too busy being. it's not like i was in a bout. it's just that life was busy and i was scared that a relationship would be too stressful, trying to maintain while also zooming across the globe.

and then your mother came to me in the form of a witty pickup line on a social media app that i doubt will even still be popular by the time you're reading this, and the rest is history.
i had already heard of her, your mum. read her book. thought it to be quite beautiful. she has three poetry books so far. we read them to you.

i'm not sure what else i'm supposed to write here. i guess i could free ball some names. yeah, that's a good idea.

for a boy, i like thackery (like in your mum's favourite halloween movie, "hocus pocus"), theodoric (though i can see her shooting it down because it's too similar to her name), elio, and michelangelo.

for a girl, i like ophelia (just without her famous ending), serafina, elanor, almira, and florence.

admittedly, i think more about girl names than boy names. i just have this picture in my head of a daughter, hair as fiery as her mother's, strong and bold and beautiful.

but i'd love a son, too, of course. someone i can teach to be respectful and kind and caring.
i just want kids, to be fair. so hopefully you'll have beaucoup siblings.

beaucoup is french. it means very much. your mum speaks fluent french, she does. i'm sure you'll learn. and i am partial. so i know you'll be able to use it like a secret language to talk about things you don't want me to know. and i'm perfectly okay with that.

i can't wait to be a father. i can't wait to meet you. to hold you. to love you. to hear your first words and help you take your first steps. your first day of school. your first heartbreak. when you get into college (or a vocational training, because those are important, too!). i'm ready to watch you grow up and become an astounding individual.

i will love you always. no matter what.
your dad