Million Dollar Baby

13. I Feel Froggy

JPOV 

I left work early after finding out about the real reason Selena had come to be my sex slave. I just couldn't do it; couldn't sit there acting like everything was fine, conducting business as usual...because what we were doing was about as unusual as it could get. 

"Yo, Bieber," Ryan stopped me as I made my way toward the outer office door. "You heading out? What's up?" 

Yeah, I probably should tell my assistant something, right? See...Everything in my goddamn head was a jumbled mess. Un-fucking-usual. 

"Yeah. Just send my calls to my voice mail. I'm checking out for the day. And if anyone asks, you don't know where I'm going," I answered. 

"But, I don't know where you're going." 

"Exactly." 

I turned on my heel and continued on my way, ignoring Ryan's, "Is everything okay?" question. No, everything was not okay. And no, I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to wallow in my own guilt for a while and figure a way out of this mess. 

I knew there was only one place where I was ever going to get the peace and serenity I needed to sort this shit out, and I wasn't going to let any Chatty Kathy's delay my purpose. Which meant I had to be rude, and I was...to several employees. But, you know what? I didn't give a good goddamn if they felt slighted because I didn't smile politely when they asked how I was doing and give them the superficial, "Fine, fine. And you?" I didn't fucking care how they were, or that little Johnny had a snotty nose, or that Susie made the cheerleading squad or even that Bob finally got that promotion. I. Didn't. Fucking. Care. 

I made my way out of the building and jumped in the first cab that answered my hail, because no way was I going to hitch a ride with Riley. I didn't want anyone to know where I was. Was it irresponsible of me not to tell someone? Probably, but again, I didn't fucking care. 

I flipped a fifty over the seat to the driver and said, "Sunset Memorial," and nothing else. 

"Sure thing, Mack. Say, aren't you that Bieber kid?" 

"Nope. Must have me confused with someone else," I sighed as I sat back in the seat. Of course he knew I was full of shit. He'd just picked me up in front of the very same building "that Bieber kid" owns for Christ's sake. So, it was his fault that I had to lie to him. He shouldn't have asked such a stupid question. 

Before long, the heavy traffic of downtown New York faded from view and the sun broke through the cloud-laden sky. It was odd to see the rays streaking down through the miniscule opening, especially when the clouds surrounding them looked like they were about to pour hell bound rain at any second, but it soothed me a tiny bit when I followed the beams straight down to the place where I was headed. 

The Bieber Crypt. 

Well, I suppose mausoleum is the correct term, but Bieber Crypt just sounds better. Either way, it was the final resting place for the two people who really got me, who loved me for who I was...but, one of which was probably going to walk out of that thing to smack me in the back of the head for what I had become. 

"You want me to wait?" the cabby asked when he stopped at the walkway at the bottom of the hill led to my family's burial ground. 

"Nah. I'm good," I answered. 

"Are you sure? Looks like it could start raining any time now." 

Thanks for the weather report, Al Roker. 

"All the better," I mumbled and then stepped out. Torrential rain would match the way I felt on the inside perfectly, anyway. 

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't the emo sort, nor was I anywhere near on the verge of cutting myself, but I felt like fucking hell. I wasn't so much feeling sorry for myself, I'm a man goddamnit, but everything – what Hailey and Jake had done to me, what Jake continues to do to me, what had happened to my parents, what I'd done to Selena – it was all just...too much. For Christ's sake, I'd stolen the girl's virginity, fucked her in the back of a moving vehicle, made her suck my cock in the middle of the foyer, knowing someone could walk in on us at any moment and what I'd done to her on my baby grand. Well, that part probably wasn't too bad. After all, she had instigated that shit. But I had every intention of fucking her in the ass. Fucking hell.