pick me. kim yohan

112

y_haa.n
active now

yohan

i know youre already sleeping now

it 4 am now after all

i know you wont read this but ill still type it anyway, maybe ill delete it before you wake up and see these messages

i just had to let this out, because if i dont, i might probably burst out and break down anytime soon

here goes

i feel empty

and lonely

it's not much of a news flash right? you were aware of it i assume

but now, it's really really getting worse

with all the news going on recently, sulli passing away because of depression, same how jonghyun did, everyone had been talking about mental health and depression, i felt bad, we lost another angel in this earth, amazing artist and a good friend to many

and somewhere along the lines, i found my own depressive episodes getting triggered amidst these events

i feel so helpless and drained

i kept on crying but i still feel numb

what do i do to feel better?

i feel so lonely

why am i like this?

why do i feel like a reject? like i dont matter? like im hated for every single thing i do? what did i do to deserve this?

i wanna be strong

but every single part of me feels like crumbling, i want to hold on, but the demons inside me are telling me to let go

this feeling does not feel good that much

i feel bad for f(x) too and their fans, they didnt deserve to be treated like that, and to lose a member that they treasure the most

i kept on flash backing way back at that night when it was jonghyun

i remembered crying so much back then too

why is the world so cruel? it was such a sick place to be in

jonghyun fought well

sulli fought well too

we are all fighting

hopefully, no more lives will be lost anymore

im worried about taeyeon, she's close friends with both jonghyun and sulli, and she was fighting depression herself, i cant bear to cry for her too, i wish i can save her, she's one of the strongest woman i know

i hope people understand that depression is real, mental health is important, words are powerful and it could leave permanent marks, i wish we could eradicate the stigma and belief that people may be smiling now, but theyre really hurting inside