The Scars They Hide

Chapter Nineteen - In Hiding

Chapter Nineteen - In Hiding

Lutfiyah avoided Jaafar for weeks after that. She ran away, yes she could admit it, to her father's house and travelled to work from there, leaving a note by Mrs Malone that if they needed anything, she was by her dad.

She pretended that he needed her and her father, being the blessed man that he was, let her do so. He carried on with his daily life and Jane came everyday to help look after May without any questions.

Randy had plenty of those but didn't push when she saw how shut off Lutfiyah was. May asked about her Uncle Jaafi and that had her father's eyebrows rising but she buffered those questions also.

The thing was, Lutfiyah was horrified with herself. She always knew what her lines were and never crossed them. She didn't allow herself to judge people but she always thought that she was the kind of person that wouldn't fall into temptation and the same trap that everyone else fell into.

It was like she was knocked off of her own pedestal. She had disappointed herself and allowed this na-mahram man into her life. And not only that, she had allowed him to comfort her and enjoyed it.

With dawning horror and disgust, she also realised just how much she missed him. She missed cooking for him and hearing May laugh when he made a joke. She missed his smiles and arresting eyes and the way he made her feel like if she fell, he would find a way to catch her.

She missed her home and she was tired from the extra travelling and time it took to get to work, the energy it was taking out of her.

She just missed him.

She found herself crying one day, the tears falling from her eyes and it was the last straw. She packed her bags and informed her father that she was going back home.

"Have you sorted out your problem then?" he asked, calmly setting aside his Quraan on the coffee table next to him.

"What problem?" she squeaked out, trying to play innocent.

Her father just raised his eyebrows.

She sighed. "I'm going to deal with it."

Her father was silent for a moment, then said, "Have you ever thought about getting married?"

"What?!" she exclaimed, completely thrown off guard by the question.

"Marriage, Lutfiyah. Have you ever thought about it?"

She stared at her father before saying, "Well yes, I mean, of course I've thought about it but uhm, with my situation and, you know, it's not a viable option for me."

"No, that's what you tell yourself. It's neither a fact nor the truth."

"What made you bring this up?"

She had her suspicions but she had to ask.

"I'm getting old and May is growing up. She needs a father figure in her life and you need a companion. You can't be alone forever."

She ignored the first part and said, "I've got May."

He sighed. "And I have you and May, yet I still miss your mother everyday. Just think about it, Lutfi. For all of our sakes."

"Say I did, who would I even get married to?"

Her father smiled, as if he'd won a battle. "I think you, better than me, know the answer to that."

And then he lifted his Quraan up and began reading, signalling the conversation over.

***

Lutfiyah stood outside her building, staring up at her window and nervous to go in. What was wrong with her? This was her home. She didn't need to worry about walking into her own home.