The Scars They Hide

Chapter Forty-Two - And It Goes On

Chapter Forty-Two - And It Goes On

The flight home was miserable, the horrible revelation sitting like a cloud over them. It didn't help that May was so innocent in all of it, only chattering about her new sibling to come, firing question after question until even Jaafar had to find a way to distract her, lest Lutfiyah cry in frustration.

Their entrance into the house was sombre and Lutfiyah hated every second of it. They had left with happiness and now entered with everything turned on its head. Somehow, the worst part was that nothing had really changed. It was just a bit of information, some knowledge. It was nothing yet it was everything.

Lutfiyah woke up gasping three nights in a row before she decided to go see her psychologist again. Jaafar had been so relieved when she'd told him that she knew he had been thinking about it but hadn't wanted to push her. She loved him all the more for it.

To say her psychologist was flabbergasted would be an understatement. She didn't say or do anything that really showed it but Lutfiyah knew her doctor well enough to see the signs. Despite all of this, the weekly sessions began to help and as her pregnancy progressed and time passed, she began to feel like waking up was a little easier every day. Her mind wasn't constantly on what had happened in South Africa and no one could deny that Lutfiyah wasn't an expert at compartmentalisation.

Her second pregnancy wasn't that different from her first in that she vomited right through her first trimester into her second, she lost enough weight that Jaafar actually had a talk with her. She had to assure him that yes, she was eating, yes, she was taking all her vitamins, no she was not depressed, yes she wanted his baby. That talk had inspired family counseling.

It was also completely different from her first pregnancy in that she wanted this child. This baby was loved by two parents, a big sister and an entire host of family members. The twins hadn't mentioned a thing about what had happened in the south and had instead turned their entire attention on the coming baby. Even Aaliyah had deigned to visit and be polite the entire time.

Her father had noticed something was different the moment she'd walked into the house but Jaafar had agreed with her decision not to tell her father anything. She again fell on the pregnancy excuse and the jubilant news was enough to deter her father. Not totally though as she found out a month after her return when her father had taken her aside.

"I don't know what is going on with you. I can see something in your eyes that you try to hide but comes out when you think no one is looking. I know it's not your husband because the two of you still light up when you look at each other. But it's something. I'm not going to push because I respect your privacy and you're an adult. I'll ask you one thing. Are you seeing Dr. Cane?"

Lutfiyah looked at her father for a long moment before nodding. Her father pulled her into a tight hug and held her for a long time before clearing his throat and letting her go. "I love you and my arms are always open for you, my pooiri."

Jaafar had looked at her with concern when she'd come out of the kitchen but she just smiled and he nodded. It would take time.

***

Months passed like this and when she was 31 weeks into her pregnancy and woke up in a puddle of her own blood, she could only stare. Because of course. Life was like this.

***

It was Jaafar who carried her petrified body into the ambulance, her body hemorrhaging so badly that his jubbah was just as soaked with blood as her clothes.

It was Jaafar who shouted in panic and demanded answers.

It was Jaafar who called her father, called his sisters, called Jane.