Shut Up (Boy×Boy)

Chapter Twelve - James

"You said you weren't hungry."

We both laugh.

"What about that time Spencer almost killed you because you sneaked out and took his car up here?" I ask.

"Hey, I thought we agreed not to talk about that."

We both burst into laughter again.

"Those were such good times," says Guy, "What happened?"

I get a sinking feeling in my chest, "We grew up."

I look up at Guy to see a sad expression on his face.

"I wish we didn't have to. Growing up sucks."

I'm lost for words so Guy continues, "I miss when we could just come here and not worry about anything. You know it seems like just yesterday when we came here for the first time. Things were so much less complicated back then."

"Yeah. They were."

"Hey, come here," I say, pulling him into a hug.

"Thanks I needed that," he mumbles into my shoulder.

We stand there for a moment, neither of us wanting to move. Finally Guy leans back to look at me, not daring to release me from his embrace.

"James, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"What's been going on lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," his voice comes out deeper than usual and I can tell that he's serious, "What's going on with us? I'm getting mixed messages from you."

I take a deep breath, "You really want to know?"

Guy nods and I take another deep breath.

I know there's a chance I'll regret this, but I need to tell him the truth. The full truth. I've been bottling up my feelings for longer than I can remember. I've always forced myself to keep quiet. To hide how I feel, to hide who I am. I'm done with that. I need to do this.

"I've had feelings for you since the first day we met."

Guy looks shocked. I'm even more scared now than I was before but I can't stop here.  

"And I guess that I accepted a long time ago that you would never feel the same way about me. But when you came back from Australia you started showing an interest in me. And then there was that night at your house when we kissed and it was great. But then I started overthinking it. I remembered how all the relationships you've had in the past were short and weren't serious. And I guess I was just scared that you weren't looking for anything serious with me either so I figured it would be best that I just push you away. But I only did that because I was scared about getting hurt and I realise now that I ended up just hurting myself. What I'm trying to say is, when I said I wanted what happened between us to be a one time thing, I take it back. If it's not too late."

We both just stand there for a moment as Guy takes in everything that I've said.

Finally he speaks, "James."

"Yeah," I say, and in this moment I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my entire life.

"I have stronger feelings for you than I've ever had for anyone else. In the past I guess I just dated for fun and it didn't really mean much to me. But then I came back from Australia and everything changed. I developed feelings for you instantly and I didn't know what to do. I planned on telling you but I didn't know how. Whenever I liked someone in the past I would just go for it. But you're different. You make me nervous and act strange and you're always on my mind. What I'm trying to say is... I care about you a lot. More than you will ever know, and I will never let you get hurt. And about taking it back, it's definitely not too late."

Suddenly I'm tearing up and now Guy wipes away my tear with the brim of his thumb.

"Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that."

Guy looks worried, "That's good, right?"

I giggle, "Yes. Definitely."

And here we are again, smiling like a couple of goofballs.

"So, what now?" asks Guy.

"I guess this is the part where I-"

Guy cuts me off by placing a finger over my lips.

"You say that like we are in a movie."

"Sorry. What I meant to say was... will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes," Guy pauses, "But only under one condition."

"Which is?"

"You have to be my boyfriend too."

"That's kinda how it works."

"Hey, I'm just making sure you aren't ripping me off."

I shake my head, "You're a dork, you know that?"

"I know. But I'm your dork."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

I do. I kiss him with all I have. 

-----------------------------------

"I'm tired," says Guy.

We are curled up on the couch finally watching the last Harry Potter movie. We've been up for hours. Spencer isn't home tonight so we have the place all to ourselves.

"Yeah me too," I say, my head flopping off of his shoulder into his lap.

Guy giggles as he runs his hands through my hair, "We should probably go to sleep."

"Yeah, I'll set up the couch," I say, getting up from my seat.

Guy stands up beside me, "You know... you could always sleep upstairs."

"In your bed?"

"Yeah. We don't have to do anything, I just thought it would be more comfortable."

I grin, "What if I want to do things?"

Guy looks shocked, "You're serious?"

"Yeah. I get it if you're not ready though."

"It's not that. It's just... I've never done it before. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Same. We'll figure it out."

Guy still looks shocked. I think he wasn't expecting me to be so confident, and quite honestly I wasn't expecting it either.

"You're not like anyone I've ever met before," he says in awe.

I begin to walk up the stairs, "I know," I say, looking down at him, "You coming?"

Guy follows me up the stairs without hesitation. We walk into his room and I close the door behind us.

I'm incredibly nervous, my heart is beating out of my chest and there's a million butterflies in my stomach. I'm scared out of my mind but somehow I know I'll be just fine.