[Requested]
The door before her mocked her. Teasing her about every thought running through her mind, tempting her to grab the handle and let her members know the oh so good news she had received a few hours ago. She knew she was going to have to tell them at some point. Their manager knew and was bound to tell the others if she didn't and she knew that. She was fully recovered from her ankle injury and was told that she could continue preparing for her debut with the boys. If only that were something she felt like she could do. Whenever she smiled, something felt wrong, she'd deny it whenever someone tried to talk about it, but they saw it everytime.
The lies over her lips, faking smiles, and words, trying to convince everybody that she's perfectly fine. She did it again with a fake smile on her face she pulled open the door of the practice room being met immediately with loud cheers from the eight boys.
That day she told herself that she couldn't go through with it, she couldn't abandon them like that, but a few weeks later? After messing up the choreography over and over again no matter how many times she practiced with the boys or snuck back into the practice room all by herself... She decided that was the one thing that she had to do. As much as she hated to do it she figured that if she stuck around and held them back she could never forgive herself. She'd be weighing them down and every opportunity would be wasted.
Now she was back where she started. Staring at the door that seemed to poke fun at her misery knowing that heartbreak was going to be on the other side. Twisting the door knob she was met with silence, stepping inside she was met with all eyes on her, burning a whole right through her if possible. She felt horrible knowing that she was the cause of their puffy red eyes nearly brought her to tears. If she cried she would wouldn't go through with this and she needed to. She hadn't even gotten to explain herself and yet the damage was clearly already done.
"You don't get to make a decision that impacts the whole group."
His lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. She felt the familiar sting in the back of her eyes. Her walls were slowly starting to collapse just by hearing the leader of her group speak to her in such a cold manner.
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth she glanced around at the other boys some avoiding her eyes while others stared right back. As if they wanted her to feel their pain...and they probably did. The argument grew from nowhere into a tornado, went right through the walls as loud as any TV show. People on the outside getting every detail they never wanted to know, who, what and where... Every word over pronounced, slicing rather than tumbling through the dry air. Each member getting to have a say in how they felt about her decision to leave the group. It was clear that the love between them and her hadn't gone, it had been distorted into a close mimic of hatred all due to the fact that she felt she wasn't good enough to be with them on any type of level. It was when the youngest finally decided to speak up that she officially broke down. There was something in that shout, a pain behind it. All eyes were suddenly on him while his were staring directly into hers. The anger they held was nothing but a shield for pain. Her brown eyes looked as if an ocean had been encased inside of glass marbles.
"Please don't leave."
His dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears, his hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief. Jae has bitten her tongue, trying to hold the tears that threatened to spill. His words echoed not only in her mind but in her heart as well, and that's when she couldn't hold them back. Hot tears rolled down her flushed cheeks, her throat closed tight, and each apology she muttered pitched higher than the last in an effort to squeak out what was bottled up inside of her. The first time they'd seen her cry, the first time they'd seen her let her walls down, the first time they'd ever really seen her be true to them and herself about how she felt. She wanted to continue but something deep down inside of her pushed her not to. Convincing her that she wouldn't be able to succeed and would do nothing but ride their coattails through out all of their career.
They wanted to help her realize that she was good enough, she better than good enough. When she danced it was as if it were the only way her body truly knew how to speak, when she sang her voice was smooth and clear yet powerful. Soothing, in a way. They wanted her to realize that she was just as valuable to the group as any other member and they planned on making her see that no matter how long it would take. It wasn't her time to depart, now was the time to do what she was born to do, to make the changes and sacrifices that are necessary. Her trying to leave didn't mean that she loved them any less, it meant that she loved them more than anything. She wanted to protect not only herself, but them as well, and because of the decision she almost made? She nearly missed out on a place with people of such strong love, being with people where the fond memories grew!
Walking off stage with wide eyes and a bounce in her step Jae waved happily to the camera tingling from her head to her toes. "We debuted!", "We're on TV!", "I can't believe that just happened!", bouncing on her flexing feet and rubbing her hands together she glanced back and forth between Yeosang and Hongjoong, the smile of a small child with an especially large Christmas present gracing her facial features. Eyes now lazily gazing around the loud room she felt nothing but happiness as she silently thanked each member to herself. She couldn't have done it without them.
"Thank you."
(...so...y'all got Insta? Follow me my @ is SayMyNameSVT and I'm currently stressing over ATEEZ 'cause they wanna wake me up at 4am asking me about my treasure.)
