Whose Fault? (Editing)

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Well, I would offer for you to stay here until you figure it out but there's no room. I'll help you with the process though. It can be stressful, but it's worth it for your safety and peace of mind." Once again I nodded, but stayed quiet, I guess I'm moving.

Callie's one month appointment was the following week and I was so anxious for the results of her hearing exams I could barely sleep. I didn't think I could go through with it. Maybe I'd rather not know. "What else, Wren?" He knew me too well.

"Callie's appointment next week. They should have her test results. I don't know if I'll be able to handle them." I sighed, maybe I should reschedule for another time.

"You can't avoid it like it's not going to eventually affect you."

"I know..." I hesitated before asking him, "is there any way you could come with me?" I wouldn't have asked if I thought I could handle it on my own, but I had a bad feeling and I didn't know how I was going to respond to the results.

He nodded, "just give me the details and I'll take off work."

"Thanks Maxie. It means a lot."

"I told you: if you need me, I'll be there."

I nodded and we continued the rest of our night as normal.

By the time Callie's doctor's appointment came around, I was an anxious mess. I paced around the house waiting for Max to get there and when he did, I tossed my keys to him "you drive," then put Callie in her car seat. The whole way there, I was restless; my legs continuously bounced up and down and I was biting my fingernails.

Nothing Max said helped me to feel better. He would tell me, "everything is going to be okay." And I knew it would be, it was just hearing loss. But I felt so guilty. This is my fault.

By the time we went back to start the appointment, I was just trying to hold it together. They checked Callie's growth and asked about her behavior and her eating and sleeping habits.

When they were through with that, the pediatrician came in and went over everything with me, "Callie's growth and development is on the right track, you seem to be adjusting well and doing everything right when it comes to what she needs. Within the next month she should start making small sounds and smiling. If you have her laying on her stomach, she should be able to lift up her head. There are a few other things, but you'll most likely notice it when she does it."

I nodded, then stuttered in nervousness at my next words, "wh-what about her h-hearing. The audiologist said, y-you would have the results." She looked through her papers to find it.

Max rested his hand above my knee in attempt to comfort me, I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, "no matter what, everything will be okay."

I nodded and anxiously waited to hear the results, "Callie has what we call sensorineural hearing loss in both ears, which is rare. It's caused by nerve damage in the inner ear; the nerves are supposed to carry signals to the brain to register noise. For Callie this means that she can't hear soft noises and loud noises are muffled and hard to decipher. If she'll be able to at all, she'll have difficulty making out what people are saying. It looks like she didn't register high-pitched noises as well as the lower-pitched..."

She kept talking, but it was at that point that I tuned her out. I froze at the news. Holding myself together was getting harder by the second. I knew it, I knew something wasn't right. She didn't respond to sounds normally; it was rare if she ever turned her head towards me if I was talking or singing to her. This is my fault.

"If you have any questions, don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you," Max said, when he realized I wasn't going to say anything. The doctor left and Max turned toward me. "Hey, talk to me."