ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: I'll Be Your Home

"Thanks, Haechannie. It really makes a difference hearing that from one of you. And I do want to promise you, I have all of my confidence and trust in you six. All of you are so bright, loyal, beautiful, and mature, and I believe in all of you more than I believe in myself. You kids are going to change the world, I swear," I confidently relay, making eye contact with all six of them as I smile shyly, a pink blush painting my cheeks. Though, I can't help my emotions, and as I continue, I stutter a little bit, waves of nostalgia and sorrow hitting me like crashing, foaming waves on the stormy sea.

"I wouldn't trade the last twelve years for anything. Though I've struggled and dealt with plenty of shit, you all have made my life so vibrant and brilliant. You painted my blank canvas of life with a rainbow of colors, taught me how to live, became my querencia, and have given me the best friends a person could ever ask for. I love you six to the edge of the universe and back and I always will. I want all of you to remember that and stow it in the back of your mind and pull it out when you need, especially if you miss me, okay?"

Renjun sniffles quietly, burying his red, tear-stained eyes in the woolen sleeve of his sweater, trying his hardest to avoid showing his pain. My heart crumbles a little bit, feeling as helpless as a lamb in the middle of a forest at twilight. I don't think there's a way to relieve their pain other than to constantly remind them that I'll be back, but that can only alleviate the anxiety and sadness of parting a small bit before they begin to sound like empty promises.

"O-okay, Mark," Jaemin stutters, his wide eyes and cocoa irises glazed over with a tear that refuses to escape, "B-but, I just regret so much. You've meant everything to me since I met you w-when I was four, a-and I'm so, so s-sorry." I cock my head to the side in confusion as I wrap my arms around Jaemin, letting his head rest on my shoulder. Why would he be sorry for anything? As far back as I can recall, he's done nothing wrong, and there would be absolutely nothing for him to regret.

"Jaems, don't say sorry... why would you regret anything? What do you regret?" I soothe as the other boys come close, giving Jaemin a tender hug to palliate his distress. My mind swirls in concern and confusion, as I don't want him to think that anything he did in the past twelve years was ever a mistake. In my eyes, Jaemin could never do anything wrong. He doesn't wilt away like most flowers, shriveling up if it lacks something, but he keeps blooming and growing. To me, he's one of the most beautiful souls in this world.

"I don't know... I just-just, I wish I did more for you, Markie... You were struggling so much as we got older, and I-I don't know-felt like I didn't do enough. Like I didn't spend enough time with you, give you a shoulder to cry on... all of that stuff. And in the blink of an eye, well, here we are, and it's too late to turn back time. I just wish I did more," Jaemin sighs longingly, looking so deep and focused into my eyes that it looks as though he's looking right through me. Resting a hand on my cheek endearingly, his dips forward as his cheek brushes mine, and he softly kisses my cheek.

I'm so struck by his confession that I can't respond. Anyway, I don't have the heart or strength to joke around now, so I dolefully accept his loving kiss, closing my eyelids shut softly as my stomach churns like a hurricane, so torn hearing Jaemin's woeful, but heartfelt, divulgence of pent-up feelings.

"Jaemin... Oh, Jaems... Please, for me, don't continue to think like that. You and the boys did everything you could to make me happy, and you accomplished more than that. Even if you had only spent time for a minute with me each week, I would've been over the moon, okay?" I softly, but firmly tell the younger boy, holding his chin affectionately between my thumb and index finger. Jaemin nods softly, and Renjun goes to give him a reassuring hug.

After Jaemin has calmed slightly and regained some composure, Jeno addresses me like the reliable younger brother he is, and I smile fondly at the timid boy. "Mark, I'm going to miss you so much that even I don't know quite how homesick I'm going to feel without you. Because we're only home when all seven of us are together in each other's arms. I love you more than you know, Markie, and I'm sorry that I don't express my love for you often."