Shinobi of the High Seas

Credit

- Whenever most people get asked, "What bloodline from Naruto would you want if you could have it?" Most people would say Sharingan, or Rinnengan, or Shikotsumyaku (My second choice actually). But if I had to choose I would pick the Byakugan. This stems from my own personal fear, I fear nothing physical, it's more of a theoretical fear; things that I cannot see. This goes as far as me looking around randomly while in the midst of doing nothing, even in my own house. I hate, hate, hate, FUCKING HATE not being able to see things coming, I fucking hate the fact that I can only see in a 45 degree radius, I hate everything that is behind me and out of my field of vision, everything, with no exceptions. If I was given the option to get three punches in the face that I could see coming or one punch to the stomach blindfolded I would take the punches to the face. I don't care what it is, seeing things unfold in front of me, even if it's something that is going to hurt me allows me to calm myself by thinking logically, letting me run mental damage control and work out split-second solutions or at the very least brace for consequences, I even hate surprises. Thus why I would take the Byakugan. Seeing near 360 degrees and being able to basically see stuff from far away and through things would take the fear from me.

- Why do I always see people that complain about texting fucking text themselves?

- I hate Facebook or any other social networking device. If you're all like, "But Kenchi! It helps me meet people, and know so many hot girls on Facebook!" then I would say that you don't know them since you've never actually stood in front of them and had a conversation where the words 'lol' didn't fucking come up. I don't use Facebook as a fucking social crutch, I actually go out and meet friends of my friends and make them my friends, thus opening the door for more friends that I talk to and form my own social network, only it's with people that I actually have a good chance of seeing in person on a regular basis. Yeah, I know hot women too, and I actually know that I can tolerate their personalities and that they are receptive to flirting because I've held actual conversations with them and know them, thus when I earn the opportunity to see them with less than 100% of their clothing on I feel like I've done more than click a mouse to see their pictures on a web page. If I want to see that on a computer screen I'll just skip the middleman and look at porn.

- Does anyone else think that Shao Kahn and Motaro from Mortal Kombat 3 were the most pain in the ass boss fights in video games? Because I still think about that shit all the time. 5 credits my ass...

- The almond is the greatest brand of nut ever mass distributed for human consumption.

- Why do bees always like to hover around the thing outside that you desperately need to pick up and use for just a second?

- Yelling "Psycho Crusher" or "Sonic Boom" after doing anything in your life makes it 10 times better.
ex. "Who wants chips? SONIC BOOM!" or "Give me my keys, I need to move my car. PSYCHO CRUSHER!!!"

- Neil Patrick Harris had the best role ever given to any human being on Earth when he had his parts in the Harold and Kumar movies. He was paid to be a random name of tall order from the past and ended up looking totally badass in the first movie. There was no logical reason for Doogie fucking Houser to look so awesome and yet he did.

- The dropkick is the most entertaining form of attack known to regular people. Say that you see someone do a dropkick in real life and you weren't laughing your ass off after it happens. If you do then you are lying to yourself and to me. No matter what the target you find yourself laughing at it; a door, a porta-potty, a person... just as long as the person isn't you, then it's not funny anymore.

- It has been scientifically tested and proven by others that when you pour beer or some other form of liquid on my face I will immediately wake up and place you in some form of Triangle Choke until you pass out. Fact.