I'll See You When I Fall Asleep

Chapter 21

Thursday came quickly, both to Cammie's excitment and dismay; she wasn't sure how to feel about tonight.

Cammie and Virgo had been texting since Sunday, only stopping when one of them (usually Cammie) fell asleep. Neither of them said good night at the end of each day, instead choosing to apolize in the morning for falling asleep and continuing the conversation where they had left off. Cammie found herself smiling each time she recognized Virgo's name illuminate her phone, especially when it was the first thing she woke up to in the morning.

In the four days that they had been texting, Cammie felt like she was getting to know Virgo better. She knew her likes and dislikes, her favorite foods, musicians, and movies. Although the information they were exchanging was surface-level, Cammie felt that their friendship was growing.

Now that Thursday evening was here, Cammie began to feel nervous. She had no problem messaging Virgo over her phone—it was much easier that way; but to see her in person sent an unfamiliar thrill through her spine, leaving butterflies fluttering in its wake. Cammie recalled the way she felt the last time she had seen Virgo play in her band and the emotions that swirled in her. She recalled being drawn to her, as if in a siren's trance—and that was at a time where she had made herself hate Virgo, disdain the girl's very existance. Now that she knew her? Now that they had been talking and Cammie knew the type of person she was? Well, Cammie wasn't sure what tonight would hold.

Cammie sat at the kitchen table finishing off a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Savannah pulled open the door and let Jen into the apartment.

"Thanks for inviting me tonight," Jen said.

"Yeah, it's gonna be fun," Cammie said and stood up from the table, placing her empty mug in the sink. "Everyone ready to go?"

The girls arrived at the bar called "The Lounge," similar to the one before. Cammie liked the place just as much as the last: it was small, tastefully decorated, and for a bar, rather cozy. It felt like the type of bar you and your friends would come to often and have drinks with the bartender.

The girls each ordered a drink from the bar and chose a table near the middle of the room. Cammie sipped on her drink and scanned the room, trying to locate Virgo or any of her other band memebers. She felt her nerves creeping up on her again, her heart running wild. She hadn't seen Virgo yet, but the anticipation of spotting her was making the anxiety, nerves, and excitement worse.

"Who are you looking for, Cam?" Jen teased.

Cammie gulped her drink in embarassment and her two friends laughed. Savannah clinked her glass with Jen's and Cammie realized they were cheersing to her embarassment.

"You guys are assholes," she muttered. Cammie realized she would need at least two more drinks to even begin to handle this night. Between the teasing from her friends and the anticipation of seeing Virgo, Cammie felt like she was going to lose her head.

"You're just too easy," Jen laughed. "I don't know why you're embarassed though. You don't like her."

There was a pause.

"Right?" Savannah encouraged, knowing full well that it wasn't true.

"Right," Cammie confirmed.

Jen and Savannah laughed again at Cammie's expense.

"I'm going to get another drink," Cammie said, tipping back her head and draining the last of her drink. She needed to ask for something stronger next time.

Cammie inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to calm to beating heart. She also tried reasoning with herself, to convince herself that none of this was a big deal, that they were just friends and there was no reason to be nervous about seeing your friend.

As Cammie approached the bar, the face she had been searching for all night suddenly surfaced from the sea of people. For a moment, Cammie panicked, wondering if she should say hi or let Virgo noticed her, but before she could fret over the decision, Virgo caught Cammie's eye. Her face immedaitely split into a wide grin. A burst of warmth spread through Cammie's stomach.

"You made it!" Virgo said, taking a step toward Cammie as if she wanted to embrace her in a hug. At the last moment, Virgo made an awkard step backward to retreat, realizing Cammie probably did not want to be embraced, friendly or not.

"Is hugging still a weird thing for you?" Cammie joked, though she found herself disappointed that Virgo had retreated.

Virgo laughed off her awkwardness, but decided to agree. "Yes, we don't hug in France. It's a bit strange."

"Yeah you do the cheek-kiss thing, right?"

Virgo nodded.

"Kissing someone's cheek is a bit strange," Cammie laughed, using Virgo's own words.

"I guess that is a bit strange to do here."

Cammie found herself easily falling into laughter.

"I hate to break it to you, but Americans hug, so you better get used to it."

Virgo laughed again. "I'll remember this."

It was then that Cammie noticed Virgo was standing with two men, both taller than her.

"Cammie, these are my friends Shea and Levi." Virgo gestured to the two men she was standing with. "They're actually my roommates. Shea: Cammie." Virgo gestured to the taller of the two men with hair so blonde it was almost white. He stepped forward and shook hands with Cammie. "Cammie: Levi, Shea's finance."

It took a moment for the word fiance to process, but when it did, Cammie looked between the two men. They were nothing like she expected and quickly realized she harbored ridiculous stereotypes of gay men. In fact, Cammie realized that she had now met four queer people and none of the four fit into the boxes she had put them in. She had grown up with preconceived notions about what it meant to be gay and had always viewed any sexuality that deviated from straight as weird or unnatural. After her Dream, these feelings of resentment and disgust had grown; she had convinced herself she was not like "those people;" that she couldn't be like "those people."

But now she stood before three people who were asuredly not straight and they seemed just as normal as Cammie; she could see no differences between them.

Maybe . . . maybe it was okay to be gay. Maybe it was okay to be with a woman. Maybe, just maybe Cammie could be with Virgo and be happy with Virgo.

Cammie had to banish these thoughts. Now wasn't the time.

"It's nice to meet you," Cammie said. "I brought my friends too." Cammie gestured over her shoulder to Savannah and Jen who were too engrossed in their conversation to notice.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Shea said. "We've heard so much about you." At the mention of Cammie's name, the two boys seemed much more interested in her than before. This made Cammie smile internally, realizing that Virgo's two friends weren't friendly to just any girl that Virgo introduced them to. They had standards, and Cammie passed the test, even it was just because of a dream.

Cammie glanced at Virgo, who was looking at Shea in much the same way Cammie looked at Savannah when Savannah said something that was not meant to be shared. It made Cammie smile to know that Virgo, this girl Cammie thought to be so cool and unshakable, was visibly embarrassed.

"I have to go get ready," Virgo quickly said.

"Yeah," Shea answered quickly. "We'll just be with Cammie." He gave her a dramatic wink that left Virgo feeling uneasy about what Shea would say to Cammie when they were alone together.

As they walked over to the table to meet Jen and Savannah, Shea casually mentioned to Cammie how Virgo had been glued to her phone and obsessively texting her. He even described the first night Virgo gave Cammie her number. A light blush covered Cammie's face, but she found herself smiling and her heart beating that wild beat once again. Her limbs felt light.

Shortly after they made their way to the table that Savannah and Jen sat, The Sojourners took to the stage and Virgo leaned into the mic to speak. Once again, the French accent sent ripples through the room; the crowd stirred with anticipation.

Cammie couldn't help but roll her eyes, finding it ridiculous that everyone would grow weak at the knees from her accent. Though secretly, Cammie couldn't deny that she liked hearing Virgo speak.

Shea was watching Cammie closely, wanting to see all of her reactions, wanting to know and analyze this girl that Virgo was meant to marry. Of course, Shea understood why Cammie had freaked out and tried to deny Virgo's very existence, but still, he couldn't help but feel protective of Virgo, not fully trusting Cammie after breaking his best friend's heart once before. He wasn't sure where Cammie's head was at or what she intended to do. But after being with Cammie for the last half hour or so and watching her react to Virgo, Cammie seemed very genuine, albeit scared, and very, very closeted. Even if Cammie would not allow herself to admit or even think it, Shea could see that Cammie was drawn to Virgo much more than she wanted to be; he saw how hard Cammie fought against the pull of his friend. A small smile played on his lips.

Shea turned to Levi and gave him a smile. Levi returned the smile and added a knowing wink. Savannah and Jen joined the exchange with smiles of their own. It seemed everyone at the table knew Cammie was slowly falling for Virgo except for Cammie.

"She walks around all day smiling and texting Virgo," Savannah mentioned to Shea.

"Virgo does the same."

Everyone laughed, but Cammie was too focused on Virgo to notice.

The music began with Virgo strumming the strings taunt across her guitar. Everyone's gaze shifted to the stage, but Shea kept his eyes on Cammie: he watched as she became lost in the music, lost in Virgo's voice. He saw that every fiber of Cammie's being was trying to resist the temptation of Virgo, but Cammie was losing the battle—and the war. This girl, confused in her sexuality and fighting so hard against it, was enamoured by Virgo. There was no escape.

Virgo's tantilizing voice drew Cammie in. She was once again lost in the music, the notes stirring feelings long since buried, bringing them to the surface. When Virgo sang, Cammie was in a trance, completely unaware of anything that was happening around her: it was only her and Virgo. Each song that played consisted of Virgo bearing her heart and soul to the only girl who mattered.

Cammie couldn't breathe.

The crowd went wild at the conclusion of each song, showing their approval for the band's sound. Virgo would thank everyone, and glance at the table her friends sat, trying not to linger on Cammie too much or stare as she sang the songs she knew she wrote for Cammie.

Did Cammie know this? Virgo wondered. Was Cammie aware that she wrote these songs for her, to show her show much she loved her, to tell her what stirred in her heart in a way words alone could not convey?

Cammie, meanwhile, felt her heart hammering and her stomach felt like it was bottomless. Everyone grows up with love songs blasting on the speakers; they are ways to tell another person you love them, care about them. Sometimes, you can even get close to describing your story together perfectly with a love song an artist releases. It never quite fits, because it's a connection for two specific people, but still, everyone tries to make their pieces fit. Cammie and Adam had done this for years. But never in Cammie's wildest dreams would she imagine that a love song would be written specifically for her, meant for her only. So many could try and fit their pieces into the songs, but it would never be perfect, not like it was now for Cammie and Virgo

She was the girl that had songs written about her.

The familiar strum of the guitar hummed through Shea's ears and he recognized the song that Virgo had wrote on the balcony a little more than a week ago, hours after being with Cammie.

"She wrote this song the night after you two went to the beach together," Shea said, leaning over to speak directly into Cammie's ear. She turned and gaped at Shea, her face immediately coloring red. He smirked.

Cammie sucked in her lips and turned back to the stage to watch Virgo, to listen to what this girl had to say.

I must admit that
The beginning wasn't exactly what I expected
I must admit
That you left standing
The broken shards scattered over my heart

But now we're here
And I don't know what this is
But I've seen you smile
And that was it
Now we're moving forward

The waves crashed on the beach
The starlight dazzled your eyes
And from that moment I never had a chance
Because you're the one

Cammie absorbed the lyrics like a sponge, soaking in every word.

It became clearer and clearer to her how much Virgo cared for her . . . How much Virgo . . .

Cammie wouldn't let herself finish the thought. Writing songs about someone didn't mean you loved them.

Once the song finished, Virgo announced that they were finished for the night. To Cammie's surprise, it had been nearly two hours of the band playing their songs; for Cammie, it felt like mere seconds.

After the show, the band trickled from the stage. People approached the members and wanted to speak with them and purchase the CDs in a flimsy cardboard slip. The group at the table began to discuss the music, what they liked about it.

"That was incredible," Jen said, clapping loudly.

"Yeah, they're really good." Levi agreed.

"Cammie how are you not in love with that girl?" Jen asked. This time, however, it seemed like all joking was aside and she was asking a genuine question. "If I had a girl right songs like that for me. . ." Jen let the thought hang in the air.

For the entirety of the conversation, Cammie kept her eyes on Virgo. Once Virgo broke away from the crowd and made her way to the bar, Cammie scooted away from the table, her chair scraping the floor. She also wasn't ready to address any questions about possible feelings for Virgo quite yet.

When she approached Virgo, Cammie noticed a man was talking with her. Virgo smiled with a friendly face, but was continually looking away, as if searching for something. Cammie was no expert at reading people, but it seemed fairly obvious that the man was trying to flirt with Virgo—and Virgo was uncomfortable. Was he serious? Wasn't it obvious that Virgo was singing about her? Who in their right mind would try and hit on a girl who just sang like that?

"Yeah, I actually play the guitar myself," the man was saying as Cammie drew closer. He had a face covered in what the man must have thought was a stylish beard. His dark hair was covered in a beanie.

"Hey, great show," Cammie said, stepping into the conversation before Virgo could answer.

As Virgo turned, a smile spread across her face.

"That was a great show. Even better than the last."

"So anyway," the man cut in before Virgo could respond. "Can I buy you a drink? Your music was really great. I'd love to talk to you more about it."

"Oh, no thank you. I'm here with some friends, so I had better get back to them." Virgo politely declined.

"Let me just buy you one drink. Then you can get right back to your friends."

"No," Virgo said, more firmly.

Cammie stared at the man incredulous. Was he serious?

"Are you here with your boyfriend or something?" The man asked, scanning the room, as if he couldn't fathom why Virgo was saying no.

This entire interaction had Cammie's heart pounding angrily in her chest at the audacity of this man. Though she knew she could not claim Virgo as her own, she found herself growing angrier with every syllable that left this man's mouth. Virgo was obviously not interested, and the fact that he continued to push for her to have a drink with him made her blood boil. Her heart was racing, pumping adrenaline through her body; she had never felt like this before. Never felt the urge to do or say something to a complete stranger in utter anger.

"No, I'm not. I don't need to be here with a man to say no to you."

"Wow, calm down. I just want to buy you a drink. It's no big deal."

"Actually," Cammie said, grabbing Virgo's hand and lacing their fingers. "She's here with me."

The words tumbled out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying; her arm flung out from her side and gripped Virgo's tightly in her own before she could stop it. These reactions seemed second nature, unstoppable.

Virgo glanced at Cammie, not daring to even breath, as if the slightest movement would break this moment, this contact.

"Are you the friend she was talking about?" he asked.

"I'm actually her Soulmate."

"Oh, I didn't realize that, uh," the man began, fumbling over his words.

Cammie scowled. "I think it's pretty obvious that this conversation is over."

The man opened his mouth to speak, but Virgo began speaking at him rapidly in French."

"T'est bête ou bête? Manges mon tampon, connard."

The man sputtered out a response, but before he could formulate any words, Cammie turned and lead Virgo closer to the bar, pressing them both against the counter, making sure that she stood protectively by Virgo. Still clutching Virgo's hand, Cammie flagged down the bar tender.

"Do you want a drink?" Cammie asked Virgo.

"Uh, yeah. Whatever you're having."

"Can we get two gin and tonics? Thanks."

There was a moment, a pause, where neither moved, or breathed. Then, in an instant, the spell was broken, the adrenaline seeped away, and Cammie released Virgo's hand.

A loud breath that Cammie didn't realize she was holding escaped her lips. She felt her body shaking from the absence of adrenaline.

"Are you okay?" Virgo asked.

"I don't think I've ever spoken to someone like that in my life."

"I'm impressed," Virgo said with a chuckle.

Cammie held up her hands to show Virgo that they were shaking. "I don't know where that even came from."

On a whim, Virgo reached up and grasped Cammie's hand, forcing them to steady in her own grip. "Thank you. He wouldn't leave me alone."

Cammie turned away, feeling the heat rush into her cheeks. "Yeah, don't worry about it. He was being a dick."

Virgo held on to Cammie a moment longer, then released, wishing to hang on to that moment—and Cammie's hands—for longer.

The bar tender returned shortly with their drinks. Before Cammie could pay, Virgo intercepted. "Please, I insist. My little thank you for scaring off the American boys."

Cammie laughed, but accepted Virgo's gesture. "I don't know if I scared him off. What did you say, anyway?"

"T'est bête ou bête—it means, like, 'are you dumb or are you dumb.'"

The girls laughed.

"Okay, but what else did you say. I think I heard something else, but I'm not sure what."

Virgo smiled into her drink as she took a sip. She wore a guilty expression all over her face, but tried to play it off innocently.

Cammie playfully elbowed Virgo. "What did you say?"

"I told him to eat my tampon."

Cammie's mouth fell open. "You said what?"

"I'm sorry, it was vulgar, I know."

"No, that is the best thing I've ever heard anyone say. How do I say it? Teach me."

Virgo threw her head back in laughter. "No way. I'm not going to teach you to be vulgar."

"I can just say it in English."

Virgo quirked an eyebrow. "But you won't."

Cammie rolled her eyes and knew she was right. "Okay fine, teach me to say the other thing: Are you dumb or dumb."

"Okay, it's no problem."

So the two girls sat at the bar and Virgo taught Cammie the expression. Cammie struggled with the words and the accent, but eventually Virgo deemed it passable.

"It's very cute to hear you speak French," Virgo casually mentioned on their way back to the table of their friends. They were joining their friends before Cammie could reply, but even then, she's not sure what she would have said: her felt tongue tied.

"Virgo!" They groupd cheered.

"Great set tonight," Shea said.

"Agree!" Levi chimmed in.

"Your music is amazing," Jen said, as this was her first time hearing Virgo play.

"Thank you you everybody," Virgo said. "Thank you for coming."

"Are the songs about Cammie?" Jen asked unabashidly.

The group turned to observe both Cammie and Virgo.

"Of course," Virgo answered smoothly.

Cammie hid her face behind her glass as she took a drink. She wasn't even sure her face had returned to a normal color since Virgo had casually mentioned that she was cute—or at least, her speaking French was cute.

"That is probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard," Jen continued.

"Yeah, why don't you ever do that for me?" Levi teased Shea.

Shea rolled his eyes and followed Cammie's example of taking a drink instead of speaking.

"I think you and I are going to be on the hot seat tonight," Shea whispered.

***

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story and is reading! It means the world to me. I had half of this chapter written for weeks and if I'm being honest the writer's block really got to me. I wrote and re-wrote the second half of this chapter a dozen times and I just couldn't get it right. So all of that to say I hope you like the results.

Please vote and comment! Cheers!