Exchange// Billie Eilish

Chapter 15

Billie and I were tasked to clean the storeroom because I couldn't play whatever game we were playing, obviously. And Billie was still sticking to her whole 'coaches don't play' motto, so we took the opportunity to make out in the locker rooms for two hours.

Pushing the doors open I gasped for air, choking on anxiety. Air, I needed some clean, fresh air. I kept walking until I was under some trees next to the football field and slid down it. Placing my hands on my head, I tried to take deep breaths, but they only got quicker and shallower.

"Eleanor?" I heard Billie in the distance but the ringing in my ears was getting louder. I covered them with my trembling hands to block out the ringing, but it was no use.

Hands suddenly wrapped around me and Billie pulled me onto her lap as she began whispering in my ear. Billie stayed with me until I calmed down, she never let go or loosened her hold once.

My breathing became stronger and the tears stopped spilling down me cheeks, "are you good now baby?" she whispered in my ear. I nodded and kept my head on her chest.

Opening my eyes I looked at Billie, she genuinely looked worried. I really don't deserve her worry.

"Sorry- I uh- It's been a long time since I've had a panic attack. It just caught me off guard" I sniffled and looked away.

"Hey, no" she grabbed my chin to look back at her "there is nothing to be sorry about"

We sat in silence for a while, Billie was letting me calm down, but I knew she was bursting to ask what brought on the panic attack.

"Let's go home, you'll be exhausted and if you're not awake in class then there is no point for either of us to be here" Billie pulled us up and swung my bag around her shoulder before wrapping her other arm around my waist.

"Do you want to tell me what caused the panic attack now? Or later?" she asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

I sat in silence thinking about what to say, "uh I guess" Billie waited for me to continue as I plucked up the energy to speak.

"Just when Kelsey was talking about how detached I've been made me realise how overdramatic I was being last week. I know it was to make a point to you, but I didn't mean to ignore her Mav and Connor and now they probably hate me and I—"

"Eleanor, they don't hate you baby, they couldn't even if they tried" she squeezed my hand and brought it to her lips, leaving a kiss. "Kelsey was joking, we were both really pissy last week and unbearable to be around, there's nothing to feel guilty of, it happens to everyone"

I nodded at her attempt to make me feel better and leant my head against the window before closing my eyes.

"Eleanor" Billie lightly shook me, making me crack my eyes open, "c'mon princess we're home now" she said softly.

I headed straight for the kitchen as soon as Billie opened the door. Opening the freezer I took out the vegan ice cream and two spoons. Maybe I should get another tub. Fuck it, I should definitely grab the second, untouched pint. It's cookies and cream and I'm not about to say no to cookies and cream.

"Bil?" I yelled from the kitchen, asking for her where abouts as I opened the pantry to fish out the Oreos and Takis.

"Basement!" she yelled back, and I made my way down there.

Dumping the food onto next to Billie on the couch, I plopped down in between her legs and laid against her chest. As gross, cringe and soft as it sounds having her arms wrapped around me is where I feel the safest and most at home now.