Whose Fault? (Editing)

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Callie Rae Matthews; welcome to the world." He said. It was such a cliché moment, but I loved every second of it.

The next few days before we were discharged were spent learning how to breastfeed Callie, getting her screening done, and trying to adjust.

After finding out that I was going to have Callie and deciding I was going to keep her, I had made sure to look up all the different ways that mothers connected with their newborns and bonded with them. Breastfeeding was one of the most common. From the moment I had finished reading up on how fulfilling it felt to feed your child from your own body, I knew that I wanted to do it. But from what I read, I knew for some people it was difficult.

I turned out to be one of those people who had a hard time with it. I had the worst time getting her to latch on and keeping her in a comfortable position. Callie's mouth had to be a certain way and her chin had to be pushed up against me and her nose had to be away from me so she could breathe. It was hard to find a way to position her comfortably so she could get fed properly. Every time I had trouble with it and I'd get so upset that I'd cry out of frustration at myself. It was so difficult on me because she needed to be fed every couple of hours and every time it would go the same way.

The nurses were really sweet and patient with me even when I got upset. They never once got frustrated or raised their voice; they were always calm and ready to help me when I needed it. They would tell me that it just takes some getting used to, and they were right. A few hours before we left for home, I finally got Callie to latch on without any trouble. I was so relieved that I could do it on my own, I finally felt like I was ready to leave.

Callie had failed the hearing part of her screening, but other than that the rest of the information I got about her health was fine and normal. The doctor said that the failing of the hearing screening didn't necessarily mean that she had hearing loss, but she needed to have a full hearing test before she was three months old. Since then I'd been mentally preparing myself for the news that she did have some hearing loss due to the complications when she was born.

The doctors had told me that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around Callie's neck when she was born. They didn't know at what point that it happened, but that her heartbeat had been very weak and she wasn't breathing on her own. That's why they monitored her so closely the first several hours after she was born. They warned me that even though nothing besides her hearing came up on her screening, it didn't mean there wouldn't be any other complications as she grew older. It was difficult to hear all that, knowing that she had only been a few minutes old at the time and already gone through something so traumatic and potentially life changing was so emotionally draining.

Other than that, it hadn't been too difficult adjusting to having Callie around. I was hardly getting any sleep before anyway, so I was used to it. If anything, the hardest part to adjust to was moving around. The things you don't see or hear about when you're younger about having a baby is that sometimes it literally stretches you out too far that things rip and stitches have to be put in. That is what happened to me. So getting around was quite uncomfortable. That was it though, I was doing just fine otherwise.

Outside of sleeping, I never took my eyes off of her. I was in such a state of admiration and disbelief that she was finally here and all mine. I didn't want her to leave my sight. She was the one thing I had been fighting for and now that I could see her and hold her, I was going to fight everything ten times harder.

I was signing the discharge paperwork while Max was pulling the car around. I quickly scribbled my signature anywhere they wanted because I was just ready to take Callie home. I could've been signing my life away, but I didn't care. I was eager to get out of there.