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A bug's life?
Crusty's point of view
The beetle that was I wanted to grow some spots. Saddened to the core I wondered to a place that no bug has ever gone. The Place No Bug Had Ever Gone was covered in crack and bubbles. Up until this day, I had never even thought to come here. I've been too busy getting over this stupid break up with Jenna. Jenna was everything that a stink bug like I wanted. She was grotesque, hairy, perpendicular, just perfect. She made my antennae tingle. Each and everyday got harder with time. This was the perfect way to finally get over her, I was to become a nomad. I decided I would go backpacking in the crack and bubbles infested area until I found true love.
Walking across the vast land I found a small village of ladybugs. I had never been too interested in ladybugs until i saw HER. Striking blue eyes and a beautiful round body. Little skinny black legs. Two perfect wings that glistened in the sun, speckled with black dots that were almost too perfect. I glanced at her perfectly shæped head and caught a glimpse of her eyes. They were a deep aqua blue like a zebra, shining in the department store overhead lights, and seemed to contain an entire universe of their own. Flecks of brown brown, green, black, yellow, beige, red, and magenta, danced around her tongue the whites of her eyes.
"You have sprinkles in your eyes, miss.", I said.
"I-i what>|}C?", she replies with a stranger danger look in her eyes.
"I said you have sprinkles in your eyes.", I repeated/shouted. God, why on eartth would i say that. I am so gudmbe.
"Ava wtf" she said, not knowing I'm not this Ava person.
"Oh sorry miss, I'm not this Ava you looking for."
"I'm crusty. Some say snowy would enjoy me."
"Excuse me, I will get the supervisor, dont come up to me again." she said all white lady like.
"May I speak to the manajer??!?!?!!11!?", I said, my bob suddenly appeararing.
Wow. I was rejected. Now I have to get her because a male always get the lady in the books. I strut back over to her and stare her RIGHT IN THE EYES for a couple of minutes.
"Excuse, miss. You. You are te missr beautthubufe dladybug i haVRe ever net."
She stares at me for fifteen minutes longer. Then she gives me a smooch right then and rhter e.
"Wow I mean okay kind of a rush but-"
She cuts me off violently by karate chopping my stinkbug shin rather hard.
"Every time i chew my freaking pasta," she starts, staring me dead in the eyes with a cold, empty stare. I know she means business.
"I keep tasting crunchy bits
"of fricking rice."
"Happy holidays but this is a wombat in the tree-"
I'm about to say something more, but she breaks my jaw.
"I'm like... womp womp womp womp... beech wtf this is not acceptable."
In my head i'm planning to make a run for it, but my legs won't leave the grougn. Instead, I stare right back at her.
"I-I love that vine." I say
"Wait you like your my dad too" then her look in her eyes turned into that wombat in the tree, pure love. I lean in to kiss her and she keeps her eyes open te ehhwole
time. Awkwaesd.
She completes our encounter by flossing once, without breaking eye contact, and then... Suddenly she tells me" im actually a drag queen."
"Okay cool i likw drsge queens."
"Guys please call 911 the guy threatening to shoot us is saying that we need to have them married with children in the next three characters or he kills our family and then sacrafices us to the duolingo bird." her dad said to me
I mean, I'm kinda into it i guess. I love experimenting if you know what i mean. As long as you know how to tickle my antenne im all for it. Sage get up god damnit. Suddenly, my best friend harold winks in. He cartwheels over in a formal matter, as if he were on a runway. What@
"You got any beef, makin some pasrami and i ned the bed'oNLY IF I GET PASSEGILITI
"LitersllaY?>", I ask.
"oNLY IF I GET PASUIEGILITI"
"I WILL SUE I PASEGGILITI Paseggiliti PASEGGILITIF I DONT GET MY BEEF"
"Harold, you need to calm-"
"I HAVE THE PASEGGILIYITIT!", yells Mushanda.
I slowly back away from the scene and a magical force rushes me . Guess i won't be leaving anytime soon.
"WHat is paseggeliti?" I inquire.
"Bob Ross slang for giggle"
"Mushanda,", I whisper in her ear. She inches closer to me.
"Follow me. I'm gonna show you something wild tonight.😉
I grab her hand and she leads me down the getting lucky ramp out the back of the gay bar and on to the hard, green lego base. I usher her towards my mini van.
" are you given me some xanax?"
"I mean if that's you're into winky face emoji."
" thats a whole lot of idiosycracys"
I speed back to my apartment in a rush to show her my trick.
"Its not a very big one but it will give you a surprise"
The grasshoper have now come and are like " BEACH GIVE ME THE FOOD OR ILL MURDER YOUR MUSHONDA"
"Was this your trick, crusty?? @??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!", she screeches.
"No i swear this weasas not plannedA:>>>>>>>>>>?"
Then suddenly, some very jiggly men in wetsuits come from backstage. Flapping everywhere they all jump in to Heralds magical toe nail. Then suddenly harald turned into a greek umpa lumpa
Then I realize that it was all a hallucination.
"Crusty are you alright?? You froze in the middle of the street and almost got us killed! By frosty"
"I am A okay!" I say with sweat dripping from every crevice.
"Alright. I have a surprise for oyu "
"Mmm can't." She leads me to her house, which is inside a salt can, and tells me to wait upstairs the dingis for something.
I hear feedback and look down the stairs. I see her tapping a megaphone with something that looks like a... chinca? in her hands.
"Kylie Jenner to the foe, Kylie Jenner to the foye. I have a little surprise for you."
"I prance down the stairs, my high heels clicking on the marble f;oor, flipping my blaack hair behiind my hsoun"
Its chargssssssssib up agaipb hol oon
"I put my hands up to my chest and exclaim"
"Is that a chinca?!"
She dhsaignean dnd a she signs.\
"So ughhhh you know the kardashions"
"Oh yea ive weggie and giggled with them before"
"Ugh same though. I habe connectuons as we;l"
"This was the surprise??" i say. "I came all this way to meet someone
i'm already besties with??"
She slams the door and i am stuck in her salt can. She runs back in and ki-.
