The Boy from the Band

A Smile and a Kiss

When I wake for the last time it's almost noon. He left while I slept so I didn't get to tell him goodbye. I have the feeling this will not be for the last time. I'd like it if he'd wake me when he leaves. Maybe I'll say something if I think it will do any good.

This is my punishment for being with a married (or as good as married) man. I wonder again what I'm doing but I've fallen so hard for him reason is being left behind.

He seemed to enjoy his little lovemaking "game" last night. I hope it isn't an indication he's controlling. If he is he's going to find I'm not going to be very cooperative. I hope. He's nine years older than me and that gives him a certain amount of authority, but he is not in control of my life--I am.

Gina tells me I'm glowing. I feel like I'm carrying around this wonderful secret that no one else knows (except her). So far it's been good-except for never knowing when I'm going to see him, never getting to wake up with him in the morning, not getting to do little things like cook dinner for him. You know, all those little things you take for granted in an ordinary relationship.

Or having his kid. I'm only twenty-three and motherhood is not on my agenda. I like my life, I like only being responsible for me. I had a scare last year and almost died. Since then I don't seem to need birth control-I haven't slept with a lot of men but I don't seem to get pregnant.

The message light was blinking on my answering machine when I got home from work. I push the button and hear him saying, "Come to the studio as soon as you get off work, or as soon as you get this. I'll keep a lookout for you. Come soon, baby."

Oh god. I rush into the bathroom and brush my teeth, then splash cold water on my face. I brush my hair, wishing I had time to do something with it, but it can't be helped.

I throw on my denim jacket then jump in my car. Fortunately, although it's not close, the studio is only an hour away. That's not what's worrying me, what if the guys in his band don't like me? What if they see me as an intruder? These are men who are not exactly faithful to their wives, but I don't know the protocol for girlfriends.

Nervous as I am, I am enjoying the drive. I love scenic drives and the highway along the coast, even in the dark. The water looks dark grey with light grey foam where the waves break. Malibu is beautiful, even at night.

I have butterflies in my stomach, I can feel them flitting around. I'm so nervous that I don't turn on the radio knowing that the music won't soothe me, just add to my nerves.

I park close to the studio, knowing no one is going to mind that my car is parked in the tiny lot. My heart is beating so hard it feels like it wants to jump out of my chest and there's no way I can slow it down. "Breathe," I tell myself, "breathe."

"Thought you'd never get here," a familiar voice comes out of the darkness. Rick walks over to my car and opens the door, then takes me in his arms.

I hold him tightly, "You know what time I get off work and how long it takes to get here. Unlike you, I don't drive like a maniac. I'm still wearing the same clothes I wore to work. I just now realized I forgot to fill the cat bowls, there'll be hell to pay when I get home."

"Come in and meet the guys," he says. He must see the look of apprehension on my face, "Hey," he says, "Don't worry, they're going to love you. We may not be the nicest bunch of guys you'll ever meet but we're friendly. They're waiting to meet you, don't be shy."

Shy is what I was, but I smiled and shook the hand of each member I was introduced to. Levon with his blond hair and blue eyes twinkling gave me a toothy smile. Richard is scary thin with dark hair and eyes, shakes my hand shyly. Garth is a big bear of a man but I think there's a devil in his smile. Robbie stares at me through his wire-rim glasses and examines me closely. When he shakes my hand he holds onto it a little too long and it makes me uncomfortable.