The Boy from the Band

The Lost Boy

I nurse my wounds at night when I'm home. No one at work suspects the real reason I left New York. To them, I simply returned to where I don't have to dig my car out of the snow and I can enjoy the sun and the beaches.

Bob helped me move and got me settled in. He surprised me with two tom kittens he found at a nearby shelter, a brown tabby, and a tuxedo with a white spot on his nose which looks adorable.

"What are you going to name them?" He's beaming, pleased with himself for surprising me with the kittens—he knows I miss my cats.

"How about 'Ben and Jerry'?" I say, not serious, but it's a playful tribute to Jerry Garcia. It's also my favorite ice cream, I love "Cherry Garcia".

"Yeah, I can see that. Name the black and white one Jerry." We put the kittens in the spare room with food, water, and a litter box. When the moving's done, they can come out and explore.

I put my arm around Bob's waist, "I wish you didn't have to leave so soon." He's leaving tomorrow—this is the first time I've said something like this. "I don't want to be alone."

He kisses the top of my head. "You'll be okay, you start work on Monday and that will keep you busy, and aren't you signed up for classes at UCLA?"

Yes, I am. Even if I have my BSN, I've got to take classes for my chosen cardiac specialty. The hospital in Kingston was small and didn't have a real cardiac unit. The really serious cases went to Albany or a specialist in NYC. Compared to the people I'll be working with I'm small town, but I have good education credentials to back me up.

"Yes, work and school will keep me busy, but it's going to feel lonely. I'll be doing continuing education so they can promote me to nurse manager, but I can wait. I'm afraid the nurses will resent being managed by an outsider."

He doesn't know that Rick would scold me when I turned down promotions at the phone company. When I became a nurse, that changed. Rick was proud of me when I accepted a promotion to supervisor then nurse manager.

Gina comes up and hugs me. I haven't seen her in years but when I told her I was moving back, she insisted on helping me set up house. She's serenely beautiful, the mother of three children, and happily married. I don't think I'll ever have what she has, but maybe it's not for me.

"Call me if you need anything," she says then whispers in my ear, "You ought to keep this one."

"He's not a marrying man," I reply, "But he's a good guy and a good friend."

"Too bad," she winks at me as she and her family troop out the door. I watch her go and brush away a tear.

"Hey," says Bob, "Why are you crying?" He leads me into the bedroom and helps me make the bed before pushing me down on it.

"This whole thing, it's so emotional for me. I haven't seen Gina in years and it made me realize how much I've missed her. It's been overwhelming, I'm feeling like I've uprooted myself and I'm not on stable ground. I thought I'd feel more at ease, you know? Instead, I feel like my feet aren't touching the ground and I'm afraid I'll topple over."

"It'll get better," and the feel of his hands on me is soothing but why do guys think problems can be solved with sex?

I surf in the morning, I go to the hospital, then I go to school. I tell myself that if I stay busy, I won't think about Rick but it's not working. At night, when I'm alone, I cry, I miss him so much that at times it's unbearable.

I have social co-workers; they like to party and they party a lot. Dinners, barbeques, beach parties, anything to let off steam and I go to every party I'm invited to. I have frequent dinners with Gina and her family and the occasional male friend she wants to introduce me to.