Wednesday 11th September 2019
03:09am
i have many playlists on my spotify account. they come, go, shift, evolve, but theyre always there. right now i have twenty one playlists, each one coordinating to a specific emotion or situation i may have felt/ experienced, or long to have felt/ experienced. and while i have my go-to playlists, my upbeat playlists, my mellow playlists - and more, my eyes always linger on the same two. each time i see them a memory reveals itself or a name springs to mind. its hurts and ammuses me every time.
the first playlist is called: sorry i fell in love
the second: sorry i didnt fall in love
and i think that they right about sum up my experiemces with romance thus far in my ever so short lifespan. so, lets unpack.
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sorry i fell in love
unrequited love can be described as anything. painful, bittersweet, wonderous - depending on who you ask and the day of the asking. im sure that at one point or another i would have described my unrequited love as any adjective in the human language. however, one thing people often dont think of unrequited love as initially is, annoying. plain old, simple and so mundane. annoying. and it is. having your heart beat a little faster everytime you see their figure apporoack or hear their voice over a crowd. having the little man inside your chest jump for joy when your eyes meet and the breath that was in your lungs just a second ago is now gone, without warning. having your mind run over every word they spoke and whihc you returned in every waking moment of they day until you cant quite remeber whats real and whats not. that shits annoying.
and while it may be annoying for me, i can only imagine what its like for te other party concerned. constantly catching my eye from across the classroom. constantly seeing me blush and duck my head when we talk - even in small talk when youre just trying to be polite. putting up with my constant not so subtlehints that plague every moment we meet. that must be so far past annoying. creepy? maybe. disconcerting? probably. so, for that, and for everything else that i cant recall either beacuse its 3 am or because my mind has blocked it out in a kind of self preservation technique - im sorry. sorry i fell in love.
YOU ARE READING
Mediocracy
Non-Fictionno one cares but heres all the times ive wanted to write but had nothing to write about. heres some glipses of my life through the distorted lense of me.
