The Emmanuel Sisters

Chapter 15 The Advocates

Love of the Law
The air felt great against Love's face as her and John road in the back of the jeep enjoying the sights of Ethiopia. Love had let down her defenses and she started to remember just why she loved being around John so much. Besides being intelligent, John had a great sense of humor, and he was just plain cheerful most of the time. His joyful, carefree attitude was infectious. Unlike herself, she knew she was always wound up pretty tight, and usually concerned about her next deadline or case, and she rarely allowed herself to live in the moment. Her only outlet was the few hours at night where she went out drinking with her girlfriends or had sex with one of her many boy-toys in order to release stress. It was rare for her to just relax and enjoy herself without sex or alcohol involved.
John knew this about Love, but what he didn't know was that he was the only person she could enjoy being around without sex, work or alcohol involved. John had a way of always being able to help lighten Love's mood. She was beginning to realize just how much she missed him.
The two of them were having fun being tourist in the small city. They enjoyed the local food and brought some souvenirs from the local shops. They went to the local museum and then they went to a café where Love enjoyed the best cup of coffee she had ever had. She realized while they drove in the back of the jeep that she was actually smiling for no reason at all, laughing with John effortlessly, and what she enjoyed most of all was just talking and being around John. Just being in his presence, made her feel happy, and happy was a rare emotion for her to experience so easily. After enjoying some of the sites in the city, they asked their driver to take them to some more scenic sites. Their driver drove them a short way from the city, to the Falls. The Falls was still in the safe zone area even though it was outside the city. Love thought to herself that it was the most awesome, yet tranquil sight she had ever seen, and she loved the fact that she was seeing it with John. They walked through an ancient castle and stopped at a place where they enjoyed another local dish. It was unlike anything either of them had ever tasted before.
A part of Love wanted this carefree day with John to never end. However, she reminded herself that this was in fact a business trip. So even though she was enjoying the time they spent together she said to John, "we should really be getting back to see if there is any word for us back at the hotel. It is close to four pm now. Before we know it, it will start getting dark. I want to get back to the hotel and call the embassy before it's five o'clock, and the embassy officials are gone for the day."
John was excited about spending time with Love, but he also wanted to see some of the religious sites in Ethiopia. He was hesitant to mention he wanted to see these places to Love because he knew how much she hated any talk about religion. Plus the two of them had not had this much fun together in a long time. It seemed as if it had been years since they had spent time talking to each other like this, and he didn't want it to end.
They had been out since early this morning, almost for about eight hours now and he had not mentioned anything about Christianity or God the whole day. But he knew he would not forgive himself if he left this place without even attempting to see the places he was most interested in just to appease Love's dislike of anything religious. So he decided to bring the subject up.
"You know Love there are two more places I would like to see before we head back to the hotel."
"Oh, what are they?" Love already suspected John was talking about some kind of religious sights.
"Do you remember how I told you about the Ark of the Covenant story, back when we were still in New York. Well there are rumors that the sacred ark is right here in a temple in Ethiopia. I would like to just swing by there and take a picture of the temple. I'm pretty sure we would never gain access inside. They say they only let the holy men who guard the temple go inside. So I will probably only get a picture of the outside of the temple, and there is a little Christian Church I would like to stop by that they say is pretty close to the temple.
The Church was founded by descendants of the Ethiopian man, in the bible, that was witnessed to by Phillip, one of Jesus' apostles. The bible says that during a great revival, Philip, had an angel of the Lord speak to him. The angel told him to leave where he was at and travel into the desert. In the desert, Phillip came across an Ethiopian man, who had great authority under Queen Candace. The Ethiopian man was trying to understand the scriptures that talked about the "Lamb of God". Phillip asked the man if he had understood what he read, and the man answered that "he did not". Then Phillip, witnessed to him about "Jesus". He explained to him that Jesus was, "the Lamb of God". Later, Phillip baptized that man in the water and when they came out of the water the spirit of the Lord caught away Phillip, and the Ethiopian man saw him no more. But the Ethiopian man did not forget Phillip, and what he had taught him about Jesus. So the bible says the man went on his way rejoicing and praising the Lord, and believing that Jesus "was" the Lamb of God, the Son of God and his Savior. Isn't it a remarkable story Love? Picture it, God led Phillip away from hundreds of people he was preaching to just to witness to this one Ethiopian man. I wonder why?"
When John had finished his story, Love knew he was probably expecting her to object, but she didn't have the heart to say no to him, because they had been having such a wonderful day. So Love asked the driver how long it would take to get to the two locations that John wanted to see. The driver explained it would take about three hours because they would have to drive to the farthest outskirts of town.
Love wanted to know if it was still safe to travel there then, and the driver said, "although the location of the temple and church was somewhat remote the government still had it listed as a safe tourist location to visit. That location is considered holy ground, untouchable, and it has always been respected even by rebels and all other religions."
Love was not convinced. "I don't know John, even though the driver says it's safe, it's still a three hour drive. If we go there we won't be able to make any phone calls before the end of business and it will be dark soon, and...."
"But Love, even if the Doctor's son is back and the orphans are found, we still will not be able to get anything done today. The courts will be closed by the time we get back to town even if we don't go to these locations, and I'm sure the Doctor's son isn't going to fly out as soon as he gets back into town. In fact, I already know the flight schedule and the next flight isn't until two days from now."
"Okay, but it will be dark by the time we get there and I'm not sure if I feel safe traveling out here in the dark with everything that is supposed to be going on. It will be a three hour ride there and another three hours back, John."
John was quiet, he did want to see the temple and the little church, but not at the expense of making Love feel unsafe. But then their driver interrupted them. "It doesn't get dark around this time of year until about 8:30, sometimes 9:00pm, Ma'am. If you want, there is an inn, midway there. We could check in and stay there on the way back for the night, instead of driving the whole three hours back after dark."
Love could see how important this was to John so she agreed to go, although reluctantly. During the three hour ride there, John decided he would use this time alone with Love to talk. Love, was such an important person in his life. He had known her now for years and he couldn't deny that if he had to describe his feelings for her he would have to use the word, love. But he also couldn't deny that he really knew very little about her past. So John decided to ask her some questions about her past. After all there was nothing to do on the ride except talk.
"So Love, did you grow up going to church when you were younger, or was your family just not religious at all?"
"Why does that matter John?"
"I just wanted to understand why it is you are so opposed to talking about religion, but you seem to have no problems talking about the other taboo topics, like sex, race and politics."
"I have my reasons. I really just don't like talking about religion, or my childhood, John. Can't we talk about something else?"
Then John thought carefully about if it was worth pushing the subject when things had been going so well between them. He wanted more than anything to gain a better understanding of this woman he had grown to care for so much over the years.
"Love, what will it take for you to trust me, to open up to me and really let me in? We've known each other for ten years now and you know everything about me, the good and the bad. I've held nothing back from you, except for maybe one thing."
This peaked Love's curiosity. She was surprised that John had any secrets, because he was always an open book, even from the very first day they had met. Love started speculating, "what could be the one thing John could be holding back on? I knew he was too good to be true. Maybe, he secretly had some kids he never mentioned. Maybe he even has a wife he abandoned, or maybe he's on the down low, maybe that's why he is able to abstain from having sex for so long, you never know. Or maybe it really took him something like five times to pass the bar, instead of how he is always bragging about how he passed the bar the first time without even studying and still got the highest score in the State's history." Love thought she would really love it if this was John's little secret, because she was so competitive by nature.
"So John, you've been holding back a ditty little secret from me after all. Okay so what's this one terrible secret you've got? Spill it! If you tell me your secrets, then "maybe" I will tell you some of mine."
John gave her a serious look, and she knew then that this was a real secret to him, not just something for her to take lightly, and that started to make her nervous.
Then John took in a deep breath and he said, "If I tell you Love, will you promise to really open up to me and tell me something about your past, something you haven't shared with anyone else?"
Love was silent for a long time. She knew if she didn't answer John's questions afterwards he would be hurt. She couldn't promise him something she wasn't sure she deliver.
"I'm sorry John. I take it back. I just can't promise you that I will answer all your questions. Opening up about my past is very hard for me. So it's up to you, if you want to tell me your deepest, darkest secret or not, and I totally understand if you don't."
She wanted to open up to John. She wanted to share her true self with somebody, finally, after all these years, but she feared how he would look at her afterwards. She feared that he would end up rejecting her if he knew, the true person she was, and the things that she had done. Especially now, now that he was so into the church, she assumed he would be even more judgmental.
John stared at Love and he could see how troubled she was just thinking about her past. He felt such compassion for her at that moment because there was nothing in his own past that caused him such pain. Then he knew what he had to do. He had to offer her his unconditional love, without expecting anything in return. "I love you. That's what I've been holding back from you, I'm "in love" with you, and I have been for a very long time."
"What?"
"I said, I'm in love with you, Love. I haven't told you this before because, I've always knew if I told you, it would scare you. I didn't want to lose you as a friend. So that's the one thing I've never told you, all these years. I know you don't feel that way about me, but still you should know how I really feel about you.
Love was thinking. She wasn't sure what to say. She knew how she thought she felt for John, and it did feel like love, but she wasn't ready for a real relationship. John's confession was just something she didn't want to confront. She decided she would rather tell him about her past, than get into how she really felt about him. She thought, that in some ways once she told him about her past, what he thought he felt for her would soon go away.
"So you want to know more about me?Okay. John I will tell you everything, but once I tell you, you may not feel the same way about me as you do now. I was raised by my Nana, and she was a good woman. She also was a Christian and she taught me from the time I was a child to fear God, to love God, and to obey His Laws. I was baptized in her little church when I was only eight years old. I believed in and accepted Jesus Christ as the Son of God and my savior. Then after Nana passed away and I was older I went my own way. I was almost sixteen when she died and I was separated from ..., well I was just alone. They put me in foster care. I was also sixteen the first time I slept with a man for money. I quickly learned how to lie, cheat and steal. I saw that everything Nana taught me just was not real, or at least not real for me. It didn't seem like God loved me, or cared about what was happening to me or anyone else I loved. I had two sisters, and after my Nana died one of them was adopted and left the country, the other was killed in a fire. I don't have any idea what happened to my own parents. For as long as I could remember they were both drug addicts. So I did what I wanted once I was on my own, and I did what I felt I needed to do to take care of myself. Like I said, I lied, I prostituted myself for money and clothes and jewelry. I committed adultery, and I even killed my unborn child for my own selfish reasons. I did everything my Nana taught me not to do and all the things that I know that you are also against. But you know what? Once I started living for myself, instead of living for some unseen force like my Nana did and like you do now, I realized something. I realized that I couldn't change the bad things that had happened to me in the past, but I could make myself happy in the present. So that's exactly what I did, by becoming rich, successful, and independent, I made my own happiness. Now I am the master of my own destiny and my own happiness. God didn't help me when I asked him for help, and he didn't strike me dead for all the sins I committed either. So I don't think God really cares about what us humans do on this Earth one way or another. What I do is up to me. I have no regrets for what I did in the past. I don't talk about my past because it isn't anyone's business. I've made my life better, by following my own ways. Look at me now. I'm one of the most successful, youngest, richest partners at any law firm in America. I mean I can't complain much about my past because it has driven me to get where I am now. But I'm sure your feelings about me will change now that you know these things about me. Everyone thinks I am this born rich kid, who went to all Ivory league schools, without a care in the world. Actually this person you know today is someone I created back when I was sixteen years old, even my name is a lie. King isn't my real last name. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making any apologies for anything I've done or for any of the lies that I've told. I'm just telling you because you wanted to know so badly. No matter what you might think of me now, I do trust you, and I trust you would never tell anyone what I've just told you. So now you know all about my past for better or worse."
The feeling of happiness that Love was feeling earlier that day had passed and now she was feeling her usual emptiness inside again. She turned and stared out the window as she put up that comfortable wall of stone around her heart again.
John had become very quiet. John was a man that never was at a loss for words, but he wanted to choose his words carefully. He could tell that Love was hurting inside even more than he had ever imagined. He didn't want to say anything that would make her feel even worse than she obviously already felt. He just wanted to say something that would convince her that none of what she said mattered to him, and that he still and always would love her. So even though John wasn't sure of the right words to say, he knew exactly what the right thing was to do. He gently touched Love's hand, then he moved closer to her, and he put his arm around her and just hugged her tightly.
At  first Love tensed up. She tried her best not to turn around in her seat, and not to look into John's eyes. She feared she might break down and cry.
John felt her tense up, but he held her even tighter. Then he whispered in her ear. "God can forgive you Love, but you need to forgive yourself. As for me I still and always will love you. My love for you is unconditional. Nothin you said about your past matters to me. I don't care about what you did or who you were or who you slept with in your past, or even now for that matter. I just wanted to feel closer to you and that is the only reason I asked you about your past."
Love still had her back turned to John, but he wouldn't stop holding her. She tried to hold the tears back, but she felt them falling from her eyes and down her cheeks. Then finally she slowly turned around and looked into his eyes.
John took her hand and gently held it in his hands. "You are so beautiful inside and out. I love you. Even if you can't love me, nothing could stop me from loving you." Then he gently kissed her on her forehead, he kissed her tears away, and then he kissed her softly on the lips.
For the rest of the ride there were no more words exchanged between the two of them, only the warm embrace of John's arms around her, as she felt for the first time in a long time, safe, secure and loved. For the moment she surrendered to his unconditional love, rested her head on his strong chest, and just listened to the strong, soft sound of his beating heart. A heart she now knew was filled with love for her.