The Emmanuel Sisters

Chapter 9 Hope Springs Eternal

For the first time in several days Hope decided to have something to eat. When the rebel guard dropped off the tray through the slot in her cell door this time Hope didn't ignore it as she had been doing the past few days. Today she felt famished and she retrieved her tray of food and even whispered just barely, "thank you". She had never said thank you to any of the rebel guards before that day. It would have seemed ridiculous, even traitorous to do so just a few short days ago. But now she felt thankful for everything, for her food and for just being alive. Hope walked over to the other side of the cell and sat down against the wall, and started to eat. It must have been at least three or four minutes later when the person behind the door said very quietly, "you're welcome."
Hope was stunned for a moment by the short and simple response. She realized how much she missed human contact, and she immediately had the urge to say something as quick as possible to the person on the other side of the door to keep the conversation from ending. The only thing that came to her mind was, "so what is your name?"
There was another pause and then the person behind the door finally responded.
"My name is Amir Ishmael Abdul."
"Well that is a mouthful, but it is a beautiful name, did you know Amir means, Prince?"
"Yes I do, but I assure you that was only my mother's wishful thinking. I'm no Prince. So what is your name?"
Hope thought to herself that this rebel soldier, Amir, sounded like he was so young, maybe just a boy. His voice was so youthful no matter how much he tried to deepen it. Hope could tell he was trying to sound rigid and hard. She could also tell that Amir seemed eager to want to talk to her, maybe as much as she wanted to talk to him. Hope noticed that Amir spoke English very well. Of course she had her suspicions that maybe he was only communicating with her to eventually try to get some vital information out of her. But at the moment her desire for human contact won out and she was not concerned about his motives. Hope knew that there was no way she would hand over any information that was vital. So she decided she would continue her conversation with this young man. She thought to herself, "for all I know this rebel may be the last person I ever speak to on this Earth." So Hope finally answered him, "you mean you don't already know my name young Prince Amir?"
"No I don't, none of the others have talked or told anything to us, about you. They are all very loyal to each other and to you. But it is obvious that you must be their leader, as strange as that seems. Is that true?"
Hope ignored Amir's questions. "So the others are all still alive and well, like myself?"
"Yes they are being treated as well as you are, per orders from our leader. All of you are considered very valuable commodities, for now. Our leader feels that all of you can be used as bargaining tools, at least he feels that way for now."
"Your English is very good, Amir."
"My mother was educated in America. She dreamed that one day I would go abroad and attend a university. So at an early age she taught me English. However, my mother's dreams of me going to a university died when she died. Shortly after my mother's death my father returned to my village, and took me out of school and brought me to come live here with him and to join his rebel forces. Ever since then I have been living with my father's rebel army and fighting for them."
"So you're telling me that your father is the leader?"
"Yes, my father is the leader of this camp. There are other forces in allegiance with him, but he is the leader of this particular platoon. He is training me to eventually become his second in command. For now my father feels I am still too young to command. My opinion does not matter to him though. I must only obey him and wait until he says I am ready. So I must do these menial duties such as serve our prisoners their meals, and of course whatever else he commands, until he decides I am ready to lead at his side." Amir was very talkative and curious about Hope. It was obvious he was not a seasoned soldier, unless this was just what he wanted her to think. He continued talking and asking Hope questions about herself. He asked Hope if she knew that she was the only female prisoner at the camp right now. Then he asked her if she knew all the rebel men in the camp were offended, and repulsed by her supposed role as leader over the other captured men. Then Amir went on to tell Hope that the men feel they will be cursed by Allah and will forever have a woman rule over them if they were to even look upon her lustfully, and definitely if they were to lay with her.
Hope was wondering where he was going with all this unsolicited information. Then Amir interrupted her thoughts by talking again. Hope thought, "he's a little chatter box, just like a lonely child."
Amir continued talking. "So you see you have nothing to fear. No one here would dare violate you. They don't even want to touch you, less they be cursed by Allah. They will only do what they are required to do by my father in watching over you, and then kill you if he eventually commands it."
Then Hope realized that Amir was trying his best to comfort her in his own strange way. But she found it sort of funny how he went about doing this, and she could not help laughing a little. It was the first time Hope had laughed or even smiled since she was captured.
Amir was confused. He didn't want anyone to hear her laughing while he was with her. He quickly demanded she be quiet. As soon as she was silent he asked her why she was laughing.
"Well, what you just said was probably the funniest thing I've heard in a really long time, or either being confined for so long has just given me a very strange sense of humor."
"I agree with you about you having a strange sense of humor. You're definitely the strangest woman I've ever met."
"So Amir, why aren't you offended or repulsed by me? Aren't you afraid you will be cursed by Allah, and forever be ruled over by a woman for talking to me also? Or did your father tell you to strike up a conversation with me and get information out of me?"
"No, my father wouldn't want me talking to you either. Plus he is away right now patrolling. He left me here in the camp. My mother would not have disapproved of me talking to you. She had spent a few years in America, when she was very young on a student Visa. Then she decided to return home, because she was betrothed to my father. At that time the village had high hopes for my father, and everyone thought he would become a very influential force in our government. So I heard that my mother's parents pressured her into coming home from school and carrying out the duties they expected from her. She told me that if she had not returned home she would have shamed her father and her whole family. Since my father was gone all the time fighting, my mother and I spent all our time together, just the two of us. I was her only child. She told me many stories about America; and about her life before she was married to my father. She told me how women were treated very different in America. But that's not the only reason I'm talking to you, none of the men left behind here with me really want to spend time around me. They all think I'm a spy left behind by my father to tell him about any of their indiscretions. See my father is a very strict leader. He is hard on his men, even cruel to them sometimes. So they think that I will report back to him about anyone I overhear complaining about his harsh treatment, or report anyone I hear questioning his orders. So I guess I do miss having someone to talk to, and I especially miss talking to my mother. I guess talking to you, another woman, reminds me of talking to my own mother. My father does not talk to me. He only gives me orders. I miss my mother, and I also miss my friends back at my mother's village."
Hope could hear the pain in Amir's voice. He sounded so childlike and she felt sad for him. "How long ago did your mother die Amir?"
"It has been almost three months now since her death. She died the night of my thirteenth birthday party."
Hope couldn't help but think that was around the age when she first went into foster care. For the first time she felt sadness for someone she was suppose to hate and someone she considered to be the enemy. She also felt compassion for someone who she knew she was suppose to have no mercy for, at least according to her mission orders. Hope thought to herself, "I could be this boy's mother. My God, he is only thirteen."
Then Amir said he had to go, but before he left he asked Hope again what her name was. "I guess you can call me whatever the other men call me, if you want. It really doesn't matter to me."
"No I don't think I want to call you, "that cursed woman". Amir understood she did not trust him, but he didn't really expect her to. The fact was that he didn't care if she trusted him enough even to tell him her name. He just liked having someone to talk to again. "I'll call you, "strange woman", instead." Then he let out a very short, quiet laugh to himself as he walked away.
Over the next few days Hope and Amir talked much more to each other, but Hope still had not given him her name. Amir's father was gone so Amir had no one keeping tabs on him, and no one who cared about what he was doing with his spare time. Sometimes Amir would talk to Hope for hours when he would take guard watch duty over her prison cell. Hope would tell him all about the different countries she had seen. She would tell him about the different books she had read, the movies she had watched, and the music she had listened to.
Amir was like a sponge just soaking it all up. He would imagine and try to live out his dreams of seeing the world through Hope's stories.
Amir talked about his mother and his friends back at the village. He talked about the girl he liked back at his village, but how he never had the courage to tell her before his father took him. He told Hope if he ever made it back to his village the first thing he would do is take that girl into his arms and kiss her. He said, "she would probably smack me right afterwards but it would be worth it. Besides, now that I've killed men I'm no longer fearful of a silly girl's rejection."
Hope teased him. "Really you would just go up to her and kiss her no fear at all?"
"Okay maybe I would try to strike up a conversation with her first."
They spoke of more serious matters also. He told her about all the death and destruction he had witnessed in the few short months he had joined the rebellion. He explained to her how his father was the most ruthless man he had ever known.
He told her how his father forced him watch as he kill people, and how some of the boys he killed were even younger than him.
He explained to Hope how he had no doubt that if he ever embarrassed his father by not following his orders that his father would kill him without remorse or any hesitation. Amir explained that if he disobeyed his father's orders it would cause confusion in the camp. His father would have no other choice but to kill him, to ensure order in his camp. Amir was his father's youngest son, but all of Amir's older brothers by his father's other wives had died fighting in the rebellion forces. "My mother was his youngest bride, until her death. She almost died giving birth to me and afterwards she was unable to bear him anymore children. I secretly suspect my father had someone poison her food the evening of my coming of age ceremony, the night that she died."
"Amir your father does sound like a harsh man, but why would he poison her, what could he profit from doing that?"
"You see, just the week prior to her death my mother had secretly spoken out to the village leaders against my father's treatment of the village's women and young men. She disagreed with the rebellion, and she disagreed with how he was forcing all the young men to come fight for him even if they did not want to. She also didn't agree with him forcing the young women to lay down with the men at their whim, as if they were prostitutes. She wanted the villagers to stand up against him. Then on the day she died she had suddenly fell ill and then died all in the same night. She was just fine earlier that day. My father served food to her that night which he never did before. He said he was serving her in honor of her giving him such a fine son. It would have been disgraceful for her not to eat the food he had served her. Then later that night she fell sick and by morning time she was dead."
Hope was touched by how easily Amir had opened up to her, and she in return also told Amir about her own past, but without giving any specific details, she opened up and told Amir her story.
She told him how her father and mother were not there for her and her sisters. She told him how her and her sisters were then separated when her Grandmother died. She told him about the horrible things that happened to her while being in foster care. She also told him that she understood the guilt he must have felt when he had to kill in the past, because she also had killed men too and felt that same guilt and pain that comes from taking another's life. Hope even shared with Amir how all the horrible things she had experienced as a child, and as a soldier had kept her up many a sleepless night. Although Hope opened up to Amir on an emotional level, she still had not told Amir any specific details about herself. She still had suspicion towards him and his unexpected, sudden friendship. But she had shared more about her emotional struggles with him than with anyone else, ever before. She found it amazing how close she felt in such a short period of time to a complete stranger who was nowhere close to her own age. Hope assumed this closeness she felt was because in the back of her mind she thought Amir might be the last person she would have contact with before she died.
And Amir felt very close to Hope also. He admitted to her that he could not sleep at night because of his nightmares. He said the faces of the boys he had killed haunted him in his dreams.
Hope understood exactly what he was feeling. She was haunted by the faces of the men she had killed in wars, at least up until recently. Hope felt like although herself and Amir were generations apart, raised miles apart in different areas of the world, and even polar opposites in their religious views, that still it was as if they were kindred spirits who shared similar life experiences and similar fears.
Then Amir told Hope that he thought if there is a hell he would surely go to it for all the things that he had done, and he asked Hope how it was that she stopped the nightmares she had from coming back.
Hope explained to Amir that she use to think that she would go to hell, because she had killed people during war also. She told Amir that her only comfort was that she would tell herself, "there is no hell, there's only life on this Earth." "But now", Hope went on to explain to Amir, "Now I no longer think I will go to hell. In fact I'm confident when the day comes I'll end up in heaven." Hope continued to tell Amir, that now she was no longer fearful of death, and she told him, because of this she now sleeps peacefully throughout the night.
Amir thought to himself, "how could someone in her predicament, imprisoned, be so calm and so at peace at a time like this?"
Hope could feel Amir's fear, his sadness, his despair about his future, even without seeing his face, she could still feel it. Then Hope said the first thing that came to her mind to help him, "you should pray Amir."
"Pray? Pray for what?"
"Amir, you should pray about your fears or whatever else is on your heart. If you want we can pray together right now. Pray to God and Jesus to save you from this place. Then believe and trust that he will answer your prayers. He has answered my prayers. I know he will answer yours if you believe."
Amir let out a quiet laugh.
"How has He answered your prayers? You are still imprisoned. I think that maybe you've been praying for the wrong things." Then Amir couldn't help but laugh a little more. Hope couldn't help but laugh too. But surprisingly Amir continued asking questions about praying, about Hope's God and her Jesus.
He said, "I've heard of Jesus, "Jesus, the prophet", why should I pray to him, if Allah cannot keep my nightmares from keeping me up all night, if Allah cannot stop this hell I live in everyday of my life, how can Jesus, just a mere prophet, change my life?"
Hope said in a soft, calming voice, "not Jesus, "the prophet", Amir. Pray to "Jesus", our savior, your savior. That's if you want him to be your savior." Then Hope suddenly remembered all the names her Nana use to call Jesus, and how whenever Nana was feeling sad or afraid, she would just start calling on Jesus. Before Hope even finished completing her thoughts, she realized she was calling out Jesus' names, just like Nana use to. Hope overheard herself talking and praising, like she never had before, it was as if some unseen force was actually just talking through her, and she was a bystander watching herself.
Hope was softly reciting all the many names Nana would call Jesus, "Jesus, the truth, the way, the light, Jesus, my redeemer, my conqueror, my creator, my faithful friend, my hiding place, my quieter of fears, Jesus, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Jesus, Prince of Peace, Joy Unspeakable, Everlasting Life, Neverending Love, Jesus, the Alpha and Omega, Exalted There was a very long silence and pause, after Hope stopped talking. Hope had never witnessed to anyone before. She couldn't help but think to herself in the silence of her cell that Amir must be thinking she has gone crazy and that he probably got up and walked away. Hope was sure she was screaming Jesus praises so loudly that she stirred up the whole prison camp because she felt on fire with passion for God at the time. But actually Hope was speaking so softly, without even knowing it she was being very quiet. When she spoke to Amir, she was as quiet as a whisper, as soft as a summer's wind. She couldn't see Amir through the slot in the door. But if she could have seen his face, she would have seen that Amir was moved to tears by all of Hope's words. He had tears falling from his
weary eyes for the first time since his mother had died, tears were streaming down his cheeks. He was kneeled down on the ground, with his face to the floor in total awe. He was in awe that a strange woman's tiny, soft voice could make him cry. Amir had never felt so moved before, as he did at that moment, by the sound and sincerity and love that came from Hope's voice, out of her little cell, as she, gently whispered10, her praises about Jesus to him. Amir thought to himself, it was as if there was a light in her that even the cell walls could not snuff out. He wanted more than anything to have that light. A light bright enough to kill all the darkness inside of him, and surrounding him. Amir thought to himself that whatever it was that she had in her he wanted it, he needed it. He needed to find a way to hold on to his own hope and faith even in the face of evil and death. Then Amir wiped the tears from his face and said, "can you tell me more about "your Jesus?".....
"Sure, I can, you were so quiet I thought you had walked away."
No, I couldn't even move while you whispered those words to me, it was so powerful. But I do have to go. It will have to wait until tomorrow for you to tell me more. I have to get back now, but tomorrow, we will talk more about Jesus, okay. Oh, and you don't have to whisper, no one is close enough to hear you, besides me. And your Amharic is excellent, much better than my English. You never mentioned you spoke my native language. You sounded as native as my own late mother." Amir said his goodbyes for the day to Hope, and assured her once again he would be back tomorrow.
Hope thought to herself after Amir was gone, "I was speaking Amharic, I've never even been trained in that dialect?" Then Hope's thoughts were interrupted when she heard Amir's footsteps running back towards her cell.
"One more thing before I go. You never did tell me, what your "real" name was. I'm growing weary of calling you the "strange woman."
There was still a part of Hope that felt like she shouldn't fully trust this young man. She was trained to never give the enemy any personal information about herself, no details, even your name. She had already told him too much about her life as far as she was concerned, but at least she had not given him any traceable details. To tell him something as simple, but real, as her birth name would be in her mind to betray everything she took an oath towards in regards to her loyalty to the Corps. She was still not ready to forsake her loyalties in those regards. So she answered Amir with a question, "what does it really matter what my name is?"
"I understand, you still don't trust me, so you don't want to tell me your name, but I will still be back regardless, to hear more about the one named Jesus."