blissful | jatum

3.

[jonah]

last night

"jonah!" zach slurred.
"you need to stop drinking you shit" i said throwing his drink out of his hand.
"what the fuck!"
"zach stop drinking"
as much as i love zach i couldn't bear to see him wasted.
"oh do you see that hot chick?" zach pointed. i turned around to a girl in a black tight dress.
"zach please don't fuck anyone tonight"
"i wonttt" he said patting my back making his way to the girl. i rolled my eyes. my baseball team always throws huge parties. i mean they were fun. but i know self respect. i didn't want to come home smelling like weed or alcohol. it's kind of surprising to say but personally i'm not that type of guy. i don't drink i don't hook up with girls. it just felt wrong. it was blurry as the lights flashed as a brunette approached me.
"hey"
it was daniel. i wasn't really friends with him but i knew him from a few of my classes.
"hey man"
"you don't drink?"
i laughed as i nudged his shoulder.
"nah i'm not wasting myself. everyone thinks i do"
"where's zach?"
i looked around. i slapped my head. god herron.
"who knows? probably drunk with that girl with the black dress"
"and your here alone? no girl?"
i furrowed my brows. i mean i might be 'popular' but one i don't do anything bad for my body and two i've never fell in love. i guess my reputation is really bad that girls don't accept me for anything but looks.
"no girl, you?"
he shifted his gaze to one of the girls in the corner.
"go talk to her" i said smirking.
"what no" he said. even with the flashing lights i could spot the redness in his cheeks.
"oh please come on" i said.
"fine then you have to do something"
ah shit. great job jonah.
"ask out that girl you bumped into in the hallway today"
my mouth opened to talk but nothing came out.
"ooo you like this chick?" daniel chuckled.
"pfft what no"
daniel smirked biting his lip looking over my shoulder.
"sure"
i mean she was cute. she was in one of my classes that's it. i mean is it wrong to like someone because they're cute? no. she just wasn't someone i talked to.
"what you talking about"
"nothin" he shrugged.
"ok fine"
daniel laughed.
"you like her ahaha"
i rolled my eyes.
"here's her number she's one of gabriela's friends"
"who's gabriela?"
"a guy i know, jack that's his girlfriend. zach's good friends with him"
i nodded. i remember jack. i typed in the digits in my phone and sent a text to tatum, telling her to meet me out of class afterward.
"she said yeah" i said putting my phone away.
daniel stared at me.
"what?"
"nothing i was just looking at you blush when she agreed" he giggled.
"oh shut up"
he laughed as his gaze went back to the girl.
"are you sure?"
"yeah man go"
daniel walked over to her as zach came back downstairs. i shook my head as he fixed his shirt back on.
"herron i'm going to kill you"
"hey i'm sorry!" he said putting his hands up in defence.
"women aren't objects you bitch" i pushed him away as his drunk side continued to party.
i hated it. the worst thing was knowing why girls don't ever trust guys anymore. i don't even know why i even tried coming to these rages. half the time well most of the time everyone's drunk, having sex, or smoking. i decided to leave early. just for my sake.
i got into the car as i fumbled around with my rings. i didn't want to go home. my dad didn't really want me home. but there wasn't anyone i could contact to sleep over at so i basically had to deal with it. i pulled up at the driveway and read the clock. 12 am. shit.
"where were you?" my dad scolded.
i didn't answer him.
"don't make me ask you again" he said grabbing my wrist. it hurt but i didn't want to show.
"i was at my baseball team's party" i mumbled. he pushed me away.
"go upstairs"
i didn't argue with him. i could feel the tears at the edge of my eyelids wanting to come out but i didn't want svea to see me vulnerable.
"jo!" she said jumping to hug me. i hugged her tightly.
"are you ok?" she said staring in my eyes.

don't cry jonah don't

"yeah i'm fine dad's just upset come on why aren't you in bed yet?" i whispered.
"i was waiting for you"
"sveaaa"
"you smell weird"
my head slumped down.
"ahaha i know i'll go change i'll see you in the morning ok?" i said kissing her forehead.
she kissed my cheek as she went to cuddle our dog. i sighed as i opened up esther's bedroom door.

she's not coming back jonah

i closed it and walked into my own room. i picked up one of the frames sitting on my nightstand. it was esther. she looked happy. i bet she's happy without being here.i keep telling myself: jonah she's going to come back. just wait a little longer. but she isn't. and so isn't my mother. she is never coming back. i didn't want to leave svea. my siblings all were off to college and it was my last year. i didn't want to leave her with my dad. i didn't trust him. i put the frame back as i opened up the windows in my room. i crawled out to sit on the roof and look at the stars.

i miss you mom.

tears stung at my eyes. i quickly wiped them away because i didn't want to look like i was crying. i've cried too much up on the roof and i know it's getting worse. it's getting worse everyday without my mother. i wish she was still here. still here with svea. still here with me.