timing : stozier

4

june 13-14

it was a saturday, and richie was over at stanley's house. nothing out of the ordinary.

well, stan was lying on richie, his body curved into richie's arm, but it wasn't out of the norm for them. after the day they'd held hands, slowly the amount of affection between them had built. that had become a thing between them.

stanley remembered to lock his door when richie came over now ("sorry mom! i must have locked it by accident when i closed the door.") so his mom or dad wouldn't walk in.

stanley was listening to richie, smiling at him breathing in and out. richie was enjoying the silence. whether it meant something or not, stanley uris was lying with him. richie's arm was around stanley's back, intertwining his fingers with stanley's left hand.

stanley, although considering it, hadn't come out to richie. what would he even come out as? richie was a huge question mark to stan right now. richie was cute, god, stanley could not deny that. but a pit in his stomach, a pit that didn't want him to be gay at all, pushed him to think about anything but richie's freckles and dumb smile.

stan was very confused, and richie made it a bit worse.

richie never admitted to liking stan, or even to be gay, but he'd never denied it, and beverly had a point. stanley highly doubted richie was straight. and if he was, god he had a weird way of showing it. stan didn't like richie like that, not in any way he was willing to acknowledge, he just enjoyed the affection. he made a very good big spoon, and he was very comfortable.

stan just couldn't ever see richie being serious in a relationship. stan didn't even know if he could see himself in a relationship. It was complicated. 

it hurt richie a little bit to be used the way he was being used, but he said nothing. there was always hope that stanley would come around and end up reciprocating feelings for richie. richie held onto that hope.

 but ultimately, he knew it wouldn't be smart for them to date anyway. this was a close-minded small town, and richie wasn't (contrary to popular belief) real big on getting beat up. 

"fuck," stanley suddenly mumbled. 

"what's up?" richie inquired, feeling stan turn further into richie's chest. 

stan cleared his throat, "i have a guided inquiry project due tomorrow that's like... half finished at most" he spoke into richie's chest, richie feeling butterflies.

" good going mr. gifted." richie laughed as stan sat up.

"i'm not gifted, i'm a burnout." stan was now at his bag, pulling out his binder. richie didn't know how to reply, so he didn't. instead, he watched at this boy that he just couldn't get out of his head. stanley was just so...

stanley was different. in a way that no one else was. and no, it wasn't the guided inquiry, or the honours classes, or even the strange way his eyes were more hazel in the summertime. it was the way he made richie feel.

richie tried to come up with a joke but he couldn't.

-

"stop it!" she screamed, her voice hoarse. despite how aggressive she yelled, she didn't move from her spot at the kitchen table. richie was on the ground, unable to really hear or see anything. he supposed the fuzzy noise was his mom. he could feel though,

god could he feel.

there was another strike a pain. this time through richie's chest, and he felt the wall behind him. his father accused him of something, something that made richie get goosebumps. he thought about stanley. 

warm blood trickled down richie's head into his eyebrow. he wiped it quickly, so it wouldn't drip into his eyes. 

"i-i'm not! we're just friends!" richie choked out halfway. this saved him for a second, and before kicking him away, his father glared at him.

"you will not share your disease with anyone, got it?"

richie sighed. 

-

"hey stan, i'm sorry i couldn't sleepover the other day, my dad wanted me home."

"..."

"stan? staniel?"

"yeah, hi, don't worry about not being able to sleepover, i get it."

"okay, cool"

"my mom was a bit worried when you went home so soon, she loves you, you know? sometimes i think more than she loves me."

"as if. no one could love me more than they love you. you are literally a fucking genius of a child."

"that's so not true. i am a disappointment."

"you're pointing finger guns at yourself in the mirror right now, aren't you?"

"how the fuck... yeah.."

"that's adorable."

"..."

"..."

"do-"

"alright stanny, i... i got to go, can't spend all day on this phone of mine, you know?"

"yeah."

"talk later, stann-o"

"see you later."

-

ultimately, stanley knew that liking boys wasn't good for him. his friends would kill him, his parents would kill him, it just overall wasn't a good idea. and he'd end up pining for some boy who would never like him back. to be honest, the pining had already started, to some extent. 

and, objectively, if he were to like a boy, it should be the leader of their friend group, right? bill was very clearly himself, and had already seemed to have figured himself out. 

he—and stanley really did not want to compare them, because he was afraid of what that meant—seemed easier to confront than richie. he was comfortable with richie, but he'd known richie intimately his whole life. the thought of losing richie... he couldn't change it now.

if he changed what richie meant to him now, he could lose him forever. and after all, it wasn't like stanley was going to pursue bill anyway. so it was fine.

bill was sorta cute, he was nice, and he wasn't a big question mark. he was better for him, right?