timing : stozier

70

august 24/25

stanley inhaled the moment he saw bill pick up the phone, "holy shit, i'm so fucking miserable. bill, i-"

"stan, it's me." richie's voice came through the other side. 

fuck. what... the fuck.

"wh... what?" 

"i picked up 'cause i thought you wouldn't want to be-um-not... answered, but clearly this is something between you a-and bill, i'm sorry, uh, bill's just in the bathroom right now, he came over, uh-" richie was stuttering a little, and stanley thought he might just fucking die. 

"rich, oh my god... hah... richie... i'm so sorry. ignore that. i am... not... fucking miserable, actually. um... i mean, you can't just ignore that, i guess but, uh-" stanley said, taking a big gasp of air, trying to ignore that he clearly sounded like he was sobbing (which he was), "i'm sorry, i'll call bill later, sorry, fuck, uh-"

"i can ignore it, if you, um, want me to. but also... stan i care about you and i hope you're okay and if you're comfortable i want you to talk about it with me, so... yeah," richie said, talking quickly in hopes stanley wouldn't hang up.

richie could hear stanley holding in sobs. the phone made a loud noise, and richie assumed stanley had dropped it on the floor.

"sorry. richie... um... that means a lot. thank you. i'll... call back later." there was a quick click, and suddenly stanley had hung up. 

richie stared at the phone. 

-

"um, hi." bill said, sounding as if he was holding back a little laugh.

"bill, jesus holy fucking christ." stanley's voice was incredibly exasperated, and bill knew better than to make jokes, probably.

"oh, good, jesus right out the gate, good, good,"

"did, um.. did richie tell you what i said?" 

stanley hoped to god that richie had suffered randomized immediate memory loss after that call or... something.

"no, just that you called, and it seemed, uh, sorta urgent,"

oh good. so he definitely knew.

"well. i called you, bill, to talk about yesterday. yesterday, you see, richie was talking to me. and, like, i know i'm not a fucking genius, but it really fucking seemed like he was going to tell me that he... i don't fucking know, that he still loved me or something." stanley said, and upon saying it out loud realized he sounded stupid. richie didn't love him, not like that, and he wasn't going to.

"oh. wow. really?" bill asked, more interested than his tone of voice let on.

"yeah! and.. and then he seemed to just... i don't fucking know, something changed! and i... maybe i got my hopes up. i know it's been a godawful long time, but maybe i just need to get the fuck over him." stanley said, knowing better. 

"stanley... it's not that easy. if it was, you would have gotten over him a long time ago." bill knew better too, it seemed.

and that was true, stanley would have given multiple fingers and maybe even an entire arm just to get over richie, but life didn't work out like that. he was simply in love with the wrong person, and he was going to be doomed for the rest of his life.

in another universe, he was still with richie. they'd never been separated. that just so happened to not be the universe he was in right now, though, so for the time being he'd just live with that, he guessed.

"... i know."

stanley scratched at his fingernails. bill sighed softly. 

"so, what did you say to richie earlier?" 

"well, i picked up the phone and didn't think to wait for you to say hello because i called you, so it should've been you that picked up the phone, and i just started exclaiming about how fucking miserable i was. he had to interrupt me." stanley said.

"oh, jesus,"

stanley laughed weakly, "told you jesus would come into this conversation."

"and you were r-right. as always," bill said.

"thank you."

"so... what do you think you'll do, stan?"

"i don't know. i don't fucking know anymore, bill. there's nothing to do. he doesn't love me like that, that's fucking fine, i just wish i didn't... why does love persist so fucking hard against everything." it was a question, but stanley didn't want an answer.

bill was silent.

"i'm sorry for troubling you with this. you have the love of your life. this is... trivial, you know, i have more to worry about, whatever, but... i'm sorry." his words came out bitterly, but he didn't mean it like that. bill and eddie had gone through a lot as teenagers, and richie's stupid love life drama was exactly that: stupid.

"say it, stanley. get it out."

"i..." stanley's voice broke as he spoke, "i'm scared that maybe i'm waiting on something that will never happen, and i've... wasted my life and that some day he'll find out and never speak to me again." well, there was a bunch of vulnerability that would probably come back to bite him in the ass. 

"i'm sorry. you haven't wasted your life." he appreciated the attempt at comfort, but he knew bill didn't know what to say. he wouldn't either. 

"i'm sorry, god, i'm such a fucking annoying asshole, bill, i'm sorry, i'm gonna go," 

"no, stan--"