Separate And Ever Deadly

Chapter 12 - For good

"What the...?"

I tried to get up and discovered I'd been sitting on four people, my head on Alex's lap, my feet hanging loose over Matt.
A terrible nausea was killing me, my whole body felt heavy and the earth was spinning. (Ok, what a discovery, Marie, "the earth was spinning"). I soon regretted the fact that I was now in vertical position, sat on Alex's lap, the top of my head almost rubbing against the van's ceiling.

"Morning sleeping beauty!" Jamie greeted and I tried my best not to throw up.

"What happened?" I managed to ask.

"Let's just say you had a little fun last night." Andy stated and I started to remember parts of the night in question.

"Oh my God..." I remembered about my conversation with Alex, my dance, the drinks. "Josh, stop the car please!"

***

"So..." I was unsure by what I wanted to say. Or by how I wanted to say it.

"So..."

"So... See you in... Three weeks?"

"Three weeks, yeah." Alex said coldly.

"You sad?" I placed my hand on his cheek, waiting for him to take it in his and kiss it. He'd always do that sweet thing. So I waited. And waited, my hand still untouched.

"Nope. Just... Worried? Disappointed? I don't know."

"Al... If it's about last night, I'm so sorry... It was too much, obviously but I swear it'll never happen again! I let myself carried with the flow and I should've expected something bad to happen but...

"Stop!" He almost shouted, his voice suddenly angry and annoyed.

I froze, unable to move or think.

"First of all, don't you ever mention THAT night, alright? I don't care about it, we had fun, you had fun, everyone had a great time so I don't think there's anything about it we should regret. And secondly, tell me the reason why you think the problem is you? I mean, have I ever gave you the impression that there was anything wrong with you?" He stopped and I kept looking down. "Fries?!" He raised his voice again and demanded an answer right away. "Tell me!"

"Of course! When people stop talking to you it's because you've upset them. What have I done, Al? Please, stop behaving like this, you scare me!" I begged him for an answer.

"Marie... This is all very weird... Like impossible to understand. I... I... I don't know what to say..." ne mumbled quietly.

"Then don't say anything. Just kids me and forget avoid it all, won't you?" I came up with a solution and waited to be kissed.

"Marie, it's not that easy... I just love you too much but I also love music and I love being with you but also being on stage and... I'm afraid I need to choose."

Alex seemed so angry I was afraid of being around him. The moment had come. He had to choose and I had to obey. But no matter how much I wanted to have him, I knew I couldn't let him leave music behind and just be with me. I knew I had to make a sacrifice.

"But I can't make that choice right now." He stated coldly. "I promise we'll sort things out when I come back. In three weeks. Till then, have fun with Anna and Polly!" He tried to smile but the look on his face revealed how tortured he was by his feelings.

"Sure" I replied right away, no emotions in my voice.

I knew that one more word would make my voice crack and I'd start to cry. So I just wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his comfortable smell one more time. I knew it was very likely that that particular moment would be our last together, but I had to continue to hope.

"I love you, Al. Have a great tour!" I whispered in his ear.

"I love you too, Marie... Please wait for me."

He kissed my lips once again with passion and let my hand go. For good.