DREAMING WITH EYES OPEN (YiZhan FanFic)

INDECISION

Even if I told him the truth, he would always have a target on his back because of me; that's no way for a person to live, let alone one like Zhan.Which is why I have to let him go, I know I would always love him. The wrenching pain in my chest at the thought of letting him go was a powerful testament of that. But he deserved the things he said he wanted, and he deserved to be with someone who would give him those things.

Someone who would be with him with less extreme consequences.She was right, there was no future for us. I just deluded myself into thinking there was. I was only sorry that I let us happen in the first place; I would be punished for leading him on this way. I knew I would hurt him and I hated myself for it but when this whole Jun business was over and he was safe, he will go on living his life the way it was supposed to be.

Before I came and disrupted it.Letting him go was going to kill me, but keeping him for myself was even a greater sin.

I knew that doing this; letting him go was going to be my redeeming act. This one good deed, my act of unselfishness will be considered when final judgment was taken on my dark soul.

Free him while there's still a chance, save him the heartbreak of having to lose you in the end.Mari wasn't going to be happy about this decision but she had to understand; she too loved Zhan and wanted what was best for him.I felt like tearing at my own flesh as I formulated a plan on how to go about this; how to go about breaking his heart, something I swore I would never do.

But it was for the best.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered, my voice laced with the pain I felt.I hoped that one day he would see that I saved him, that I actually did him a favor by doing this; that I gave him a chance at the life he really wanted.

I woke up sadly resolved, the decision has been made and I was going to go through with it; I had to.

I kept a normal façade for everyone, Zhan especially, I couldn't drop this on him now. We said goodbye to Han and their Mother, they thanked me and drove away.

"They like you, you know" he said as we walked back to the castle.

"Do they?" I asked, it really didn't matter now

"Absolutely" he said frowning

"Are you okay? You seem a little offish today"

I was surprised, I thought I could conceal my pain; guess I didn't fool him. I nodded

"It's just a headache my dear," I said.

"Serves you right for throwing unwanted parties" he chuckled

"I bet I can kiss it away" he teased,I tried to smile at him, but it felt wrong; I hoped he didn't catch that.

Over the past couple of days I had buried myself in my work, it was the only thing that kept me sane, I also distanced myself from Zhan and it made him unhappy. I was in my study when my phone ringed; it was Liu.

"Liu, what's the latest?" I asked

"Jun is set to be in the state, don't let him out of your sight" he said,

"We're currently formulating a strategy to intersect him. This will be over very soon, and you'll be let off the hook" he said.

"Lock him away, for good this time" I hissed.

"Trust me, we'll have a special cell for him"he said in a harsh tone.

"Oh before I forget, prior to our investigation on the guy's bracelet, a source told me that since it is woven into his DNA, he could wield the energy source"