Greta Van Fleet Imagines

Best F*cking Friends III - Jake Kiszka

"I don't think so."

"I can't, either. You own me, Jake Kiszka." I began trailing kisses along his neck, he made me stop.

"Do I, Y/N? Because I think that's debatable."

"Jake, please." He paused for a moment, then kissed the top of my head and went back to caressing my hair. I felt like I belonged there in his arms.

We managed to sneak out and see each other everyday until New Years eve, when I finally got to meet his girlfriend. I felt guilty being near her, I felt dirty, but Jake was mine, he had always been. However, it was her lips he kissed when the clock announced a new year had begun, and nothing bad I felt could compare with the pain of watching that scene. But I swallowed it and moved on. I couldn't even complain, after all, I knew it was my fault.

Throughout the years many other girlfriends came into the picture, but never a boyfriend. Like I said, I'm afraid of relationships. I guess it was better that way, anyways. I don't know how Jake would react, he made very clear a lot of times how he really felt about me. He was very transparent, while I was very good at hiding.

We were very good at long distance friendship, the normal one and the benefits one. Once, he called me drunk and needy and things heat up a bit fast. That was our first experience with phone sex and it was fun, so we stuck with the habit. Sexting was also a thing for us.

He would come to New York to visit sometimes and I was constantly going back to Michigan. When Greta Van Fleet became a real thing and the touring began, Jake would always manage to get me into the concerts.

Things went very well between us for like four years. Until it didn't. It was after he met this girl, Lisa. He stopped calling and texting and was super cold whenever I did. And, eventually, he stopped answering.

It's been a tough six months. I would like to tell you I'm in the dark, I'd like to tell you I don't know what happened. But the thing is, I know it's my fault and that's what hurts the most. The worst part is that I lost him by trying not to. I kept pushing him away thinking that was keeping me safe, but here I am now, alone. I lost my best friend and the love of my life, and there's not a day when it doesn't hurt.

As I pack my bags for the holidays, he is the only thing in my head. For the first time in my life, I'll go home with uncertainty. I don't know if he'll be there, I don't know if he'll want to talk or even look at me. It's like a part of me is missing, I feel disabled.

My mom is waiting with open arms when I get there, but not even the comfort of her hug is enough to ease the pain. "Are you going to the Kiszkas'?" She asks in the car, it's hard to keep the tears from falling.

"Is Jake there?"

"Yes, how can you not know?" I just shrug and keep in silence. She does the same.

The day drags itself to night. I try to be a pleasant company for my family, but I'm miserable, so I decide it's time to face the truth, he can't ignore me forever.

The Kiszkas' front door is opened by a very smiley Josh. He's happy to see me; at least someone is. He invites me in, I've been in that house so many times, but right now not even a map would make me less lost. Jake is alone in the living room, no one follows me when I step in. Is like everyone knows.

"Hey, stranger." He doesn't smile, he doesn't get up from the couch, he just keeps there, staring, his face is unreadable. "Where's your girlfriend?"

"I don't have a girlfriend." He sounds bored.

"What about Lisa?" He shrugs. "Can we please talk?"

He gets up without saying a word and walks towards his room. I follow. He closes the door and leans his body on it. No one dares to make a sound. After a while, he speaks.

"Don't you wanna talk? Or you came here to stare?"

"Why you've been ignoring my existence?" My voice is soft when I ask, the perfect contrast of his.

"Because I'm fucking tired of you." He spits the words into his hand and throws them to my face. They hit hard, the tears fall.

"What did I do? Everything was fine."

"Nothing was fine, Y/N, it has never been." He leaves his place by the door and throws his body on the bed. He was frustrated, his voice considerably louder. "I love you, I fucking love you. And no, Y/N, I can't be happy with what we had. I made it very clear, thousands of times, how much I want you. And you pushed me away. Every. Fucking. Time. You just used me, you never cared about my feelings, you were selfish and I'm fucking tired."

I cry like a baby, the truth sometimes is the worst thing someone can say to you. I'm incapable of speaking. For a while, my sobs are the only sound filling the room.

"Just tell me why you don't want me. Why am I not good enough for you?"

"It's not you, Jake. You're amazing, you're the best person I know, and I love you, I've always had. But I'm so fucking afraid."

I'm in the middle of his room, crying my heart out. It must be a heartbreaking scene, because Jake gets up and holds me. He keeps me under his arms until the sobs stop.

"Are you better?" He's actually concerned, I just nod. When the warmth of his body leaves mine, I almost start crying again. "Why are you afraid?"

"Because love only leads to pain."

"You can't judge love based on your parents experience like they are the only people in the world."

"Jake, I grew up watching my parents. Everything that ever happened in my house is what I base my life on. That's the experience I have, and it was ugly. My dad cheated on my mom mercilessly, she suffered so much and I was right in the middle of that."

"Aren't she happy now with your stepdad? Aren't your dad happy with your stepmom? We just need to find the right person, and we got the luck to find each other." He takes my hands in his, I feel the love leaking from his fingertips.

"I've been in love with you for eight years. I've been trying to move on since the first time you told me we could never be more than friends, four years ago. I simply can't. That's why I stopped talking to you. For four years I've been trying to convince myself it's better having you in parts than not having you at all. But it was hurting too much, I couldn't take it anymore."

It's his turn to cry now. I'm responsible for those tears, I'm responsible for every tear that was dropped today, it doesn't matter whose eyes they had fallen from. I hold him, trying to comfort his soul, just like he did for me.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I was stupid, I've done everything wrong, but I was so afraid to get hurt and, in the end, I did anyway. But the worst part is that I hurted you too."

He takes his hand to my face, his knuckles slow dance on my cheek, then his finger brings my chin up, making me look into his eyes.

"I know you're afraid, but I would never hurt you. You are my best friend, you are the most amazing human being in this whole universe. I just wanna take care of you. So I'm asking you for the last time, can we be more than friends? Do you allow me to be the happiest man alive?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry it took so long. I love you, Jake, with every atom in my body."

When he connects our lips, it feels different from all the other times we had kissed. It's better and it tastes like home, like safety, like love. I feel different too. I feel like nothing in the world can take away my joy. For the first time, love is the path of happiness and I want to hold Jake's hand and walk through it forever.