When I met Y/N, she was nothing more than Danny's best friend and the love of his life. Their mothers have always been friends, they've got pregnant at the same time and their kids were kind of raised together. The thing is, Danny has had a crush on her pretty much since he can remember. He has never said anything, tough, because he's afraid it will ruin their friendship. He doesn't have to, anyways, Y/N knows. She's always known, but that's not how she feels, so she pretends not to see what is right in front of her. She truly loves Danny, but only sees him as brother. Her biggest fear is him coming to her someday and opening his heart. She would break him, and herself as a consequence.
Both Y/N and I are Danny's best friends, so it's natural that the three of us are always together. Like I said, at the beginning she was nothing more to me than "Danny's girl," but as time went by, I started to understand him. I fell for Y/N too, completely and undeniably. It hit me when I was 14. I've always loved and admired her, always looked after her, but I thought it was a friends thing. However, I was there when she had her first kiss, I saw it and it felt like a punch in the stomach. I couldn't breathe. Danny cried on my shoulder that night; I cried alone in my bed.
What hurts the most though, is that she feels the same about me. I figured that out on my sixteenth birthday. Her heart was beating so hard when she hugged me that I felt it against my chest, even through our clothes. A week later, on our weekly movie night, the holding hands thing began. The three of us were sharing the same couch and blanket, she was sitting between us. When one particularly intense scene started, she grabbed one of my hands and hold it tightly. After it was over, she loosed the pressure, but kept her hand there, right on top of mine, which I slowly turned, intertwining our fingers.
The living room held its breath, the only sound I could hear was the symphony of our beating hearts. I felt so many emotions in that moment that I almost cried. She was breathing heavily. She turned to Danny and than to me, there were tears in her eyes. I tightened the grip, an unspoken "I know". We've never talked about this, not to ourselves nor to anyone else. The shared blanket became our silent witness for every movie night from that day on.
After that day, I would spend the whole week anxiously waiting for Friday night, waiting for her hand on mine, the most intimate thing we've allowed ourselves to have. We couldn't go further than that, we couldn't do that to Danny, but it was cruel on us too. We've tried to move on. She went out with some guys, but it never lasted more than two dates. I've tried dating, too, but it always ended up for the same reason.
I remember the first time she came home to see a Greta's rehearsal. Her eyes were so intense on me while I was playing, I couldn't get a single note right. After it was over, she hugged Danny and then came to me. The way she hold me was so meaningful, the way her fingers gently caressed my hair, the way she said how proud she was. There was always this very palpable tension whenever we were together, but Danny never seemed to notice.
The band started to get people's attention. On mine and Danny's last year of high school, we went out on tour. It was a good distraction, we were far from home, focused on something else, busy all the time. But right now, on my way back to Michigan after three months away, she's the only thing in my head. We're not going back to Frankenmuth, not yet, but Danny came to me yesterday, with the biggest smile I've seen on someone's face and told me she would be in Detroit too.
He asked her to meet us on a bar. When we get there, she's already waiting for us. I see my best friend running towards the girl he loves, the girl I love, and holding her tightly. She gives him her brightest smile and tells him how much she misses him and how proud he makes her. And then is my turn. When my chest meets hers, I can feel her heart, just like I did three years ago, and I'm pretty sure she's feeling mine as well.
"Movie night sucks without you." She whispers in my ear, causing goosebumps.
"You're only proud of Danny?" She giggles, my favorite sound in the whole world.
"No, I'm not. Jake and Josh are amazing too." She let go of me, going to my older brothers for a hug. A few other friends show up later on. The night is spent with laughter, drinking and my eyes on Y/N's.
Danny is sitting beside her. At one point, he puts his arm over her shoulder. She gives me a very uncomfortable glance before excusing herself and leaving the table. Five minutes after, I go to the bathroom. By the time I get there, she's getting out, her eyes a bit red; she was definitely crying.
"Sam!" She seems surprise to see me.
"Are you ok?" I ask, concerned. She shakes her head.
"I need to talk to you. Alone."
"Danny said you'll be staying at the same hotel as us." She nods. "Come to my room later."
"I will." She gives me a sad smile before heading back to the table.
Thirty minutes after we get to the hotel, I hear a light knock on my door, my heart races in anticipation. When I open it, she jumps into my arms, making me lose my balance. I somehow manage not to fall and laugh while resting my hands on her waist, bringing her closer. I feel her nose on the crook of my neck, she takes a deep breath there causing me to shiver.
"The door is open." I tell her, taking my arms away from her body. She turns to the door and closes it. She doesn't turn back to me though, she keeps there, facing the closed door, her hand on the knob. "Y/N?"
When she finally looks at me again, she's crying. The sight breaks my heart.
"I love you, Sam." That's enough for me to cry too. Usually, when someone you love tells you they love you back, that makes you the happiest person on earth. It's not our case, because our happiness means Danny's pain, and Danny's pain means ours.
"I know." I tell her between sobs. "I love you too."
She walks the three steps that are keeping us apart and bring her hands to my shoulders. I take mine to her waist. I'm looking so deep inside her eyes I'm pretty sure I can see her soul. Her knuckles gently caress my cheek, she wipes a tear before speaking.
"I'm moving to England with my mom. With this whole touring thing I only get to see you when you go back home, but next time you do, I won't be there. I don't know when we will get to see each other again, if we ever do. So I couldn't leave without telling you this."
I don't know what to say, so I kiss her instead. I've waited years for this kiss, I thought it would never happen. And now it is happening, but it means she's leaving. The love of my life, the only one that can never be completely mine; except for tonight. I allow myself to forget about Danny, I allow myself to feel complete, even for just one night. I'm hers and she's mine. Once again, a shared blanket is our only witness.
