"Why did you leave her, then?"
"Because you were miserable. Kate is hot and all, but I rather see you happy." My heart started to punch my chest from the inside. A series of fast and continuous punches. Jake must have heard it. "I even got us a motel room, can you believe that?"
"Is it paid?" That was all I managed to say. Instead of using words, he shook the keys in front of me. "We could go there. I don't feel like going home right now and you paid for the fucking room."
"There's vodka on the back seat."
"Perfect. We're gonna sit on the bed, drink the fucking vodka and laugh at our assholes dates because we're gonna be having such a better night."
"You sure about that?" He asked, laughing. I nodded in response. "Let's fucking do this, then." He started the car, finally leaving the parking lot.
I was feeling weird when I entered the room. I didn't know what to do, what to say or where to look. For the first time in four years, I was nervous and even shy around Jake. The idea was just sit together and have a drink, but the fact we were completely alone in the room where he was planning to have sex, that shit made me shiver.
"Are you going to stand there the whole night?"
The question made me realize I was frozen in place. Jake was already on the bed, sat with his back on the headboard, vodka in hand. I walked to him, sitting by his side. He passed me the bottle. For like the third time that night, a silence fell upon us. We stood side by side, just passing the vodka. And for the third time, Jake was the first one to speak.
"Are you having a good time now?"
When my face turned to him, he was so close I could feel his breath on my lips. I was inebriated, not because of the alcohol, but because of him. Before my brain could stop me, my hand found the back of his neck and brought him in to a kiss. He kissed back, desperately. He pulled away for a second, just so he could get rid of the bottle in his hand.
As soon as he sat back, I straddled his legs, kissing him again. His hands traveled around my whole body, squeezing every bit of it, tightening the hold whenever I moaned. When his lips found my neck to leave open mouthed kisses and love bites there, I started to slowly open his shirt.
After I took it off completely, I moved my hips closer to his, feeling him hard under me for the first time. That made me freeze. I looked at Jake wide eyed. He was flushed, his hair was a beautiful mess. I knew I wasn't much different.
"What do you want me to do?" His voice was low and raspy. Any doubts I had about going on with it, disappeared with the sound of his words. Instead of answering his question, I pulled his hair and took my lips to his neck. He let out a low moan before making me stop and look at him. "Y/N, I need you to use your words. I need to be sure about what you want."
"I want you to fuck me, Jake. Is that what you wanna hear?" I sounded desperate.
"If that's truly what you want, then yes."
"Then fucking do it, please." I whispered into his ear. He pulled my hair a bit, letting out a low whimper.
He took me out of his lap and laid me down, taking control of the situation. His eyes never left mine, they stood there the whole time, making sure everything was ok. Making sure I was ok. I felt so safe in his arms I wish I could be there forever.
But I knew I couldn't.
For about ten minutes, we just stood there. He was laid on his back, I had my head on his chest and my arms around his waist. His fingers were gently caressing my hair.
"Jake, I need to go home."
"Now?"
"It's late, my dad must be worried." I got up and started to get dressed. Jake didn't leave the bed, he just sat and watched me.
"You're so beautiful." He whispered more to himself than to me. I don't even think I was supposed to hear, so I just silently blushed. He finally got up and slowly got into his clothes.
The drive home was filled with John Denver's voice and nothing more, but when he stopped in front of my house, I made a mistake. Looking back to when it happened and to our current situation, what I said there was the first step to failure.
I should've said what I really wanted to, I should've told him how I really felt. But instead, I pushed him away.
"Jake, what happened today, it was a one time thing. We can't do this again."
"Do you regret it? Fuck, Y/N, I told you I needed to be sure of what you wanted."
"No, Jake, that's not it. If we could go back in time I would do it again, wouldn't change a thing. I'm talking about the future. You're my best friend and that's all." Lie. "I don't want you thinking I want more or anything." Lie again.
"I know. I don't want to ruin what we have, either." I could hear in his voice we were in the same place, both idiots trying to fool each other. We were only fooling ourselves.
"So it's not gonna happen again. You promise?" I filled the space between us with my pinky.
"Promise." He held my finger in his.
After that, let's just say we're not very good at keeping promises.
Best F*cking Friends - Jake Kiszka
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