Time Spent With You

-The Fall-

"Hindi ka ba papasok?"

Nagtatago ako sa isang vacant room dahil bigla akong nawalan ng ganang pumasok, nang dumating si Ellah. Well, she always comes. She's annoying, after all.

"Bumalik ka na ng classroom," I told her

"Cutting classes na itong ginagawa natin..."

Psh! Was that my line?

"Sino ba kasing may sabi sa 'yo na pumunta ka rito?" sagot ko.

"Duh..." sabi niya sabay irap.

"You can't ask me to come with you," alam kong pababalikin niya ako sa klase, but I won't go back. I need to breathe.

"Then I won't ask you. I'll just stay."

"What??"

Saka siya umupo sa tabi ko.

"Problem?" she asked.

"Ewan," I want to tell her pero hindi ko na sinabi pa.

"Wala..."

"Liar..."

There's silence.

"Ano ba kasing problema mo? Sabihin mo na habang may oras pa ako. Malay mo makatulong ako," sabi niya.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Habang may oras pa? Bakit, sa'n ka pala pupunta?"

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Sa classroom?"

I smirked, "Oh, then leave."

"No. Not until you tell me..."

Oh, God! Here she is again.

"Wag na. I don't feel like talking now. Iwan mo na lang ako dito. I'll just follow you after."

"Kung hindi mo sasabihin 'yan sa akin ngayon, hindi mo na masasabi sa akin 'yan kahit kailan..."

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. That's weird.

Naging tahimik lang kami, until I suddenly feel like sharing something with her.

"I hate this kind of life. I'd rather not have this if this meant pain," I started telling her.

Bigla akong nakaramdam na komportable akong sabihin sa kaniya ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. Ewan ko ba kung bakit.

"When I was ten, namatay ang kuya ko. He saved me when I insisted on swimming sa isang malalim na bahagi ng dagat and I got drowned. I was saved... but siya naman ang nalunod and... and he died.

Alam kong it was my fault but nobody talked about it at home. Nang mailibing si kuya, I then started to feel invisible, and my parents seemed so far away. Alam mo 'yong feeling na you're not needed anymore. Pero when I go to school, when I'm outside our house, when I'm with other people... it's the opposite, eh. People like me. They need me. I always have their attention and they all want to befriend me. Pero 'yon nga rin, it's all because they can... benefit from me.

I do not need their attention. I want to have my family. I feel... so alone."

Napaiyak ako bigla nang aminin ko 'yon sa kaniya, kaya tumalikod ako. I do not want her to see me weak.

"Oh, there's no point in hiding. Nakita ko na," sabi niya.

"Shut up!" sita ko sa kaniya, sabay pahid ng mga luha.

Narinig ko naman ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. "Mali ka ng iniisip, Levi. You are not alone. You are loved. Do not punish yourself. Isa pa, ayaw kong nakikita ka na ganito. Smile – like I used to see you."

HIndi niya ako naiintindihan.

"Hindi mo ako maiintindihan..."

"Trust me, I understand you. Levi, wake up! This is not you. Nalagpasan mo na ito. At alam kong malalagpasan mo ulit ito... c'mon, dude!"

Napakunot ang noo ko sinabi nya. Why does she sound like... she knows my pain?

"What... what do you mean?"

"Get up, and get back your life," nakangiti niyang sagot.

Napakunot ang noo ko.

"Y-You're not making any sense..."

"Levi... wake up."

Wake up?

Ano'ng ibig sabihin ni Ellah?

"Y-You're weird..."

Bigla siyang tumawa.

"Gosh! Hindi ka ba nagsasawang tawagin akong 'weird'? Nakakainis ka na," pero mukha namang hindi sya naiinis dahil nakangiti pa rin siya.

"But you're really weird."

"Fine! Weird na kung weird. Ano, tara na sa classroom? Kaya kung ano 'yang iniisip mo kasi hindi ka nag-aaral ng mabuti. Aanhin mo ang mukha kung wala kang utak? My God, Levi! Ang kagwapohan, lilipas 'yan. Pero ang katalinuhan, for keeps. Kaya mas gwapo at attractive pa rin ang lalaking may laman ang utak kaysa sa lalaking mukha lang ang meron. Gets?" sermon niya. Masakit din magsalita ang babaeng ito, paminsan-minsan.

"Wow. Just wow!" nawalan pa ata ako nang dapat sabihin.

Napatawa lang siya ng malakas. Napalingo-lingo naman ako. Annoying.

Well, here's a thing: she is annoying but now... she makes me feel comfortable.

She keeps on smiling and it's really annoying, but I'm starting to like it.

She is not beautiful because she is not the definition of beauty. She's plain. She's simple. She is not like those girls out there na hindi kuntento sa kung ano ang meron sila. She doesn't even act like a lady; she's childish. At higit sa lahat, she's annoying. Really annoying. But then... I have come to the realization that those are the things that actually make her extraordinarily beautiful. Beautiful in the sense na ako lang ang nakakaalam ng depinisyon nito at ipagdadamot ko sa sinumang hihingi nito.

"And why are you looking at me? May dumi ba ako sa mukha?" kapagdaka'y tanong niya.

"Oh, uhm... w-wala."

"Eh? Bakit nakatitig ka sa akin? Hmm... nagagandahan ka na sa akin, noh?"

"Psh! 'Wag ka ngang assuming."

Inirapan niya ako.

Saka ako napatawa. When was the last time I laughed? Ugh! She's really annoying, but I don't care if I get annoyed by her every day.

Parang hinahaplos ang puso ko. Tila ba may naaalala ako, pero hindi ko alam kung ano.

"Well, ikaw may dumi sa mukha!" at tumawa siya ng malakas na akala mo hindi babae. It's really irritating, but I like it.

Sabi niya, she likes it when I smile.

But I want to tell her... I like it more when she smiles.

Damn, it's 1:00 o'clock.