ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ➻〚𝙣𝙘𝙩 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙤𝙩7〛

Flashback: Spend My Life in Love With Him

"What do you want to do, Sungie? I'm here for the night, so we have time. We can go to the park or play some Overwatch, or maybe we can go out to eat somewhere," Chenle lists, zoning off into his own train of thoughts, his eyes gazing innocently upward. My brain fizzles out at his adorableness, and suddenly, I have an intense urge to pull him to me and give him a kiss. Clenching my fists at my side, I restrain myself from giving in to my urges, ashamed once again that I'm having these thoughts.

"Um... Maybe we can just stay here for today and watch some Netflix or something? I'm kinda tired right now, but when it's dinnertime, I'll go out and buy some food from the convenience store for us. Is that okay, Lele?" I propose, arranging the blonde's hair so I can see those pretty eyes better. I then inconspicuously move my body and Chenle's petite waist so he partially rests on my lap, all under the guise of platonic skinship, but to me, at least, it's much more than that. Maybe it's only platonic for Chenle, but these little moments between us allow me to live my fantasy, even if only for a split second.

My hyper best friend finally calms his temperament down a notch, and nods contently, "Sounds good, Jiji." Nuzzling into the crook of my neck, my breath hitches for a slight second and my heart skips a beat before I frantically attempt to breathe normally again, trying not to surprise Lele in any way or make him suspicious of my lovestruck reaction. Scrambling for the remote without allowing Chenle to slip off my body, I drop the device, as usual, my clumsy hands paired with my wild, nervous heart get to me.

Finally getting ahold of the remote, I allow myself to breathe and relax my body as I coyly slide my arm around his waist. I settle my hand on the soft fabric of his t-shirt, lightly resting on his slim waist, desperate for the little physical contact I can have with Chenle without revealing my apparent crush to him.

Putting on some random TV show that Chenle enjoys, we watch in peaceful silence for a good while. Though unrest steadily grows in me due to the fact that my attention is almost solely on the beautiful boy sitting with me instead of on the show, I settle with the fact that I could gaze at Chenle for days and I would never get tired of it. The shows continue, and I keep basking in the sheer joy that Lele brings me, but my aching heart gets stays anxious with the physical contact we're sharing. I don't know where the line is crossed for him, and I surely don't want Chenle to either feel uncomfortable or to get the wrong message from me.

I fidget a bit as the circulation gets cut off on the leg that Chenle's sitting on, and as a few more episodes pass by, I realize that he's fallen asleep, despite it only being around six in the evening. I coo at my tired friend, caressing his cheek affectionately. His eyes are lightly drawn shut and his lips rest slightly ajar, small puffs of air escaping through the opening. Chenle looks like an angel, despite his playful and mischievous personality. He's so beautiful and innocent while asleep that I can practically see a halo encircling his platinum-dyed hair; it takes my breath away as I look at him.

Using the arm muscles I've developed from dancing, I delicately lift the older boy off of me, placing him on the plush couch with caution, so I don't awaken him. Finally allowing myself to exhale once I've confirmed that he hasn't woken up, I bend down to reach eye level with Chenle. Fondly, my eyes gaze off as I fixate only on his soft, handsome features, finding myself inching closer to my sleeping friend, my heart ablaze.

But once my hand goes out and touches his soft cheek, I realize I've fallen in too far, and I pull my hand back in shame, stepping away from him. My head spins dizzily and my heart crumbles inside, unable to accept the reality of my dilemma. Embarrassment pours over me, and the amount of shame that rests stagnantly inside of me is too hard to stomach down. I try to etch in my brain that I can't be in love with Chenle, no matter how desperately I want it. Repeating a mantra of reminders to myself, I brand the idea that all I can have with Chenle is friendship to me, shaming myself for my feelings for him, even though they are so raw, passionate, and genuine.