Drifting

This Is Not What I Expected It To Be

This is not what I expected it to be. Middle school is supposed to be full of gossip, drama, dating, and backstabbing. In reality, it's just friendly people hanging out with friendly people. Some people are less friendly than others, but that's it.

Or maybe it isn't.

I have many questions, but no one to ask.

There are my friends, of course, but they do not have the information. Plus, some of the questions are about them.

What is she hiding?

Then there's my parents, but they went to school in the 80's. Some of my questions are about them, but not about them at school. Not about the past.

Friendly people chat with friendly people about other friendly people. Some are less friendly. Sometimes they talk to me.

But do they talk about me? I've heard things. Bad things. They never get to the topic.

The topic is unknowing.

Do they talk about me?

Sometimes I talk about them, to make conversation. This makes me, by default, a bad person. My actions go against everything they tell you in first grade.

They're all your friends.

I talk to my friends about my friends. Sometimes, we're less friendly. We're less friendly about the one who wishes to be popular.

What is she hiding?

We're less friendly about the boy whose favorite color is pink.

We're less friendly about the boy who is different.

We're less friendly about the girl who loves dragons.

I am, by default, a bad person. I did not expect to become a bad person.

We are all bad people.

I love difference. I defend difference. I renounce conformity. I am a bad person. I talk about friendly people. I am not friendly. I defend myself, but I shouldn't. I have no defense.

I am not friendly.