Working Through the Rest

Restarting The Process

The next morning, I open my eyes and smile. Light is shining through the windows. People are moving around. And it all means that I slept through the night. I can't remember the last time that happened.

I roll over and jump slightly as I come face to face with Scorpius, still asleep and breathing steadily. He appears to have pushed his bed next to mine and has curled up next to me. I smile, taking the time to just look at him. Would it be odd to just take a moment to note how beautiful he is?

Because that, combined with the fact that he is peaceful, is enough to bring an eternal smile to my face. He starts to groan, rolling over and opening his eyes.
"Morning," I keep smiling.
"Morning."
"Now, correct me if I'm wrong," I say, "but I don't think we went to sleep like this."
"You're wrong," Scorpius mumbles sleepily. "I pushed the beds together before I went to sleep."
"Okay," I nod. "Is everything okay?"
"I didn't want to wake up and not know where you were."

I nod silently, wrapping my arms around him into a hug. He buries his face in my shoulder, his breathing now slightly unsteady, and I hold on tightly. I think we both need the reminder that we survived, that it's over and we're okay.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly. "I'm so sorry for all of this."
"Can we not talk about it?" Scorpius mumbles. "I need – I just need some time – to work it all out – in my head."
"Of course," I murmur. "Of course. If you need to talk, I'm here. If you don't, that's okay."
"Thanks."

He pulls out of the hug, sitting up and looking at me. I smile softly, trying to silently reassure him that it's going to be okay. Because it will be. He stands up, starting to pull his bed back to where it usually sits. I watch him, pulling my jumper back on as a draught blows through the wing.

It doesn't feel like January. It doesn't feel like it's anything at all. Inside, I just feel numb, like if I try to feel anything, it'll all flood out of me and I'll have no control over anything I do. I need that control. I can't function without that control. Feeling numb is better.

Scorpius looks as if he feels similar, in the way that he moves. He's staring blankly forward, no sign that anything is happening in his head. Normally, that would scare me, but I understand it now. We've both shut down because that's how we cope.

When his bed is done, he sits next to me and we just stay like that, silently, waiting for Merlin knows what. At one point, he moves to take my hand, and then stops, apparently thinking better of it. I offer him another small smile, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. A tear trickles down his cheek and I want nothing more than to wipe it away, tell him that I love him, that it's okay.

But I don't. He didn't hear what I said before, and I don't even know how to begin explaining myself. It's easier to just stay quiet, stay numb. Maybe that's what we're going to become now. Quiet and numb and scared. All the time.

After a while, Madam Pomfrey comes out of her office and tells us that we're free to go when we want to. So we leave. And we go back to the dormitory. And we're still quiet.

Because neither of us know what to say anymore.

Maybe they did win.