DREAMING WITH EYES OPEN (YiZhan FanFic)

JUST TONIGHT

For a moment I let myself enjoy being in his arms like this, it was comforting and sweet. I wouldn't mind if I were to stay like that forever.

"Let me into your head" he said suddenly "just this once"

I sat up and he let me "No" I replied simply.

"Come on, there's something you're not telling me" he said.

"Well I'm pretty sure there are loads you're not telling me either" I said.

"Well I'm pretty sure there are loads you're not telling me either" I said.

"Something else happened in Chongqing, there's another reason why you left isn't it?" he asked, his eyes searching.

I was shocked as to how he could've guessed that, I dropped my eyes.

"Even if there is, why should I tell you?" I challenged,

"Because I care more than you think" he said quickly.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, I guess he wanted to know why I was so wary of him. Maybe telling him this will answer some of his questions.

"Well you asked for it" I said, exasperated. I leaned my back on the headboard; I was going to need the support if I was going to go down memory lane.

I took a deep breath "I had a boyfriend named Lou, he and I dated throughout high school and college, he was sweet and fun. I cared about him," I said not wanting to meet Yibo's stare just yet.

"We had our problems, one being that I didn't want to sleep with him" I felt Yibo tense beside me. "But we were happy, or so I thought we were. We grew apart after my father got sick, I couldn't see him as much as I used to, as I wanted to"

I chuckled darkly remembering the many times we fought about me neglecting him and his needs.

"When my father died I went into full-blown depression mode, and because I couldn't satisfy his needs he found someone that could. I caught him cheating with my best friend Mei," I said monotonously.

I heard Yibo take a sharp breath; I looked at him then. His eyes were full of fury, remorse and finally understanding.

But he didn't understand; that's not the reason why I'm pushing him away. I didn't love Lou, I only thought I did. But him on the other hand, I could see myself not being able to live without him. It scared me.

"I told him that it was over right on the spot. It hurt, but I didn't have it in me to fight either one of them, they weren't worth it. They both betrayed me in a time that I needed them the most. I thought I loved Lou but I didn't, that's why letting him go wasn't as hard. It only hurt because it was with my best friend, her betrayal hit home," I said.

Yibo scrutinized me for a while "He is not the reason you left?"

I shook my head "Coming here was already a done deal".

I didn't realize I was crying until Yibo wiped away a wet substance on my face

"You see Yibo, I'm a mess. You don't want to deal with this, trust me," I said, sadly shaking my head.

"I'm already dealing with this" he teased, grinning at me.

I couldn't help but smile back, he was indeed putting up with my crap and I couldn't understand why.

Before I could stop myself I reached out and stroked the side of his face. For a moment he looked surprised and then he relaxed to my touch. I drew my hand back and he caught it, shaking his head for me not to stop. I got closer to him, running my hands through his black hair, his nose and mouth. It felt good to touch him this way; it wasn't intimate but endearing. I doubted there was anyone more outstandingly handsome and masculine as him. My hands shifted to his neck, shoulders, arms and chest. I heard him sigh remaining still.