Back to me

Realization

Not twenty minutes had passed when maritza saw her smiling girlfriend and her pouting daughter coming back with a stack of pizza slices. The little girl had an angry pout and her tiny tiny arms crossed around her little chest. That caught her attention, so she turned to the tall woman in front of her, looking for an explanation.
- it was nothing. She's just her mother's daughter- juliana turned her pouty face towards flaca.

- it wasn't nothing, SHE.TOOK.MY.PIZZA! - Flaca tried to contain her laugh, but it she wasn't successful. That made maritza glare at her girlfriend and, because flaca loves her life, she stopped immediately, composing herself.

- She wanted the pepperoni pizza but a kid took the last slice. This little trouble right here - she messed juliana's hair up - wanted to take it from her, I said it wasn't right and she had to choose between the flavors that we had left. She hasn't stopped pouting since - that was such a juliana thing to do that maritza couldn't stop the smile that took over her face. And flaca being such a responsible adult near her kid did things to her body. Nice things. Very nice things. She quickly put herself together and explained juliana why she couldn't do that to other people. You think somebody as cute as maritza would have trouble being the "bad cop" parent, but the thing she wants more in the world is for her baby girl to have a good future? A very different from the one she got. So that makes being strict to juliana easier, because it's for her own good. She knew her daughter was a smart girl, and understood exactly what she meant, but being smart didn't exclude the fact that she had maritza's DNA running through her veins, making her a smartass.

- you're just agreeing with flaca because she kisses you - the gasp was out of her mouth before she could contain it and flaca's face was so red she was scared her girlfriend would explode soon.

- JULIANA! - She didn't take her eyes off the tall woman by her side, whose eyes looked like they're about to jump out of her face. A lump installed itself in her stomach at that.

- what, mami? You said you're girlfriends. Girlfriends kiss each other ON.THE.MOUTH! - that tiny creature had way to many sass for her little body to take care of. But that was an issue for later, now the had to remediate the situation her little one created. She spotted Maria's daughter by the dessert table and, knowing her daughter's sweet tooth, nonchalantly commented about the existence of said dessert table. Needless to say juliana started running towards it with her mouth still stuffed with pizza. (She's lying if she says she didn't suffer to catch up with her though, she is taller than juliana but her legs are small and she haven't exercised in years).

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Juliana had cried when it was time to leave. Of course she had. She never saw her mami and when she finally could spend some time with her, they tell her it's time to leave. Maritza's heart broke in a hundred little pieces watching juliana fighting with her tiny arms trying to make her aunt set her free. It got too much and she made herself look away. She couldn't wait to get out of this shithole and raise her daughter right, making sure she never makes the same mistakes she did. When she got to her bunk, still sniffing, flaca noticed her sadness right away, and hugged her tight before laying her down on the bed. After a few moments of silence, she finally spoke.

- everything ok, baby? - maritza's answer was to hold her even tighter than she was holding, and sniff once more - you can talk to me, mi amor, you know that, right? - maritza nodded, her head still buried in flaca's neck. She opened her mouth a few times but nothing would come out. It was like a frog was stuck in her throat. Half an hour later, she finally found courage to do it.

- Her little face, it had so much pain, flaca. And I put It there - she was cut by her girlfriend before she could keep rambling absurdities.

- hey, it's not like that!

- yes, it. If I wasn't here, she wouldn't have cried - the strong arms holding her tightened even more and she felt a kiss being planted on top of her head.

- if she hadn't cried today because she missed you, because THAT'S the real reason she cried - she could feel the pointed stare flaca was giving her right now - she would have cried over losing a tooth, now getting the toy she wanted for Christmas or earpain. There're a thousand reasons she could have cried over, but she cried over missing you because she loves you more than all those things. She's a kid, she misses her mami. She would have missed you if you were out and had to leave to work. Don't be so hard on yourself, mi amor - God, maritza loves this woman. She couldn't wait to get out of this place and have her all to herself, without having to take care if someone else is watching while they make love. She couldn't wait to have lazy mornings in bed, and getting up to have flaca cooking breakfast for the three of them.......Wait. three of them......God, she wants a family with flaca and she doesn't even know how flaca felt about juliana being a part of her life. How could she forget?

- Baby, was today too much for you? - she heard flaca's "what?" And felt big hands turning her so they could face each other - I mean, was having juliana around too much? Or something you maybe don't want? - that question was a deal breaker, she knew that, but she had to ask, juliana was the only thing that was not negotiable in her relationship with flaca. And just thinking about the answer made her eyes start to water. When she got enough courage to look her girlfriend in the eyes, she saw the disbelief in the beautiful face she loved to stare at the most inappropriate moments.

- babe, you can't be serious - the disbelief was in flaca's voice as well - I loved every single part of today. Juliana is as amazing and loveable as you are. And I never liked kids, but now I do and I even wan - she stopped her speech, realization written all over her face. When she finished processing the new information her brain just collected, she started again. Determination took over - I even want my own. I want to have my on kids, OUR own kids - maritza gasped at that, her heart was faster than light - I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life, but now I now I want a family with you for the rest of my life as well. So, to answer your question, no, today was not too much for me, it was actually almost nothing compared to what I have planned for us after we get out of this hell of a place. And yes, having juliana around is something I do want. not only her though, I want her to have how many little siblings you allow me - maritza couldn't believe. She couldn't possibly have it all. A hot girlfriend that wanted her kid and wanted kids with her. A girlfriend that loved her this much could not be real - there's one thing I don't want though - yep, she couldn't have it all - I want you to stop doubting me, doubting us. Because There isnt a single thing about you that wouldnt like to be a part of. I'm yours and I'm with you forever - right there, in a bed at a federal prison, maritza started to believe that there could be a good life waiting for her after this.

*yes, it took me 3 weeks.
** this was written on my way to class or on my way home. Hope you like it.
***please comment