The Sun, The Moon, and Their Stars

42 : Pieces

April/May 2005

Kimberly

I know that there's an old Spanish to English dictionary somewhere on our bookshelf. It's my father's, from when he was in college, and they're still required to learn our colonizers' language. I search through those dusty—sometimes, rotting—books and find it. Its pages are almost brown, and the texts aren't easy to read. But it's manageable, so I take it with me in my room.

Benjie said sueños. And according to the translation, it means dreams. He said something about seeing me in his dreams every night.

I laugh aloud at how cheesy it sounds that I almost want to cue in the Titanic song. But I also find it sweet and cute. And for that, I like him even more.

I place that old dictionary in the drawer of my desk, for I might need it again some other time.

The clock says it's late in the evening, and my eyes are tired from reading.

I lie down on my bed and close my eyes. And I smile to myself, knowing that I'll be having sweet dreams.

When I get to upgrade my wish, I'll yearn for not just dreams. It may not be for the present or the near future, but someday.

***

It's Sunday, and it's hot.

My mother asks me to go to the mall this afternoon and buy a few things at the supermarket. It's good news for me because I want an excuse to get out of the house. One, to cool down with the air-conditioning. Two, to be away from them for a few hours. And three, I need to check on some things online.

I'm in an internet café at the mall. The place is full, so I have to wait for ten or so minutes. They charge twice as much as the average rate, but it's the best I can do right now, so I just have to make it quick.

I reply to Lawrence's Friendster message first. They're already in the US. His message is short, and I just give him one-liners of what I've been up to since I last saw him here.

There's also one that Benjie sent yesterday.

'Hi there, KP. So...our new house seems okay. It's smaller, but it's in a secured compound, and I think that's good. It's boring here, and I can't wait to be back. How are you doing? I miss you <3. See you later ;-)'

I compose my reply and also keep it short.

'I'm fine. I just finished this book, The Cider House Rules. I'm in the mall right now, running errands. Good luck (as if you're going to need it) on your APE. I know you'll ace it. I miss you too, but I'll see you later <3.'

I accept the friend requests of Benjie's friends, log out of my page, and check my e-mail. Then I leave the cafe and go down to the supermarket.

*

It's already dark when I get home. The street is quiet, and our house is too.

I go inside and find my aunt and Cherry in our living room. My cousin reads a message on her phone, while her mother—my aunt—stands up from the chair and hurries her way in front of me. I'm taken aback by her reaction. But I just stand here by the front door, immobile, and feeling guilty of something I'm yet to know what.

"Where have you been?" she asks, and her voice is a little too loud for a short distance between us.

She and my mother are so much alike with their expressions and the tones of their voices—proud and authoritarian—that when I was young, I thought they were sisters instead of her being my father's.