Reject (mxm)

Chapter Sixteen: Ciaran

He turned his back on me and kept quiet for some time while I stood stock-still feeling like a naughty boy caught doing something he shouldn't.

Damn! This whole 'dealing with an angry mate' thing is throwing me completely off. I'm just relieved that for once Keiron is not nagging or clawing at me because on this matter he agrees with me one hundred percent.

I don't see why Ruari's so upset about being kept in the dark. In the first place, he doesn't even want to be a member of the pack. He keeps reminding me that my pack means nothing him and he's staying here temporarily.  Why does he care now?

"Let me see if I get this right." He said his back still turned from me. "You dragged me back here, against my will, claiming to be worried about my safety...."

"Wait a damn minute!" I scoffed. "You're taking this the wrong way. I don't claim to be worried. I am worried!"

"I'm not finished!" He snarled turning his face sideways but I couldn't see his expression before he turned away again. "Now that I'm here you want me to sit idly by while people die around me. You don't want me to ask questions or do anything to help. You just want me here, as you phrased so beautifully, just to stay. Is that correct?"

Now that he says it like that it does sound and look bad no matter how you look at it. It's like I don't trust him to help or don't care if he's involved or not. It implies that I'm treating him no more than an outsider trying to pry in my business. Damn! How could it get so screwed up like that?

"Ruari I want you safe. Don't you understand that your safety is my first and only priority right now?"

He turned slowly to face me and I froze at the sight of tears streaming down his cheeks.

"No, I don't understand. We're mates Ciaran. We're supposed to be equals. We're supposed to share everything and that includes burdens and problems." He said swiping at his face with his hands. "But you can't do that, can you? You don't trust me. I'm not even sure if you really want me or its just your wolf howling to be with me."

"I do trust you and I want you damn it! You and issue about the raids are two separate things." I grabbed his shoulder and lightly shook him. "Why can't you understand? Those people are dangerous! They've killed hundreds of wolves, slaughtered more than a dozen packs and they're coming to take you! Do you expect me to arm you with information that could send you running to their front door? Is that what you want?"

"NO! But I want you to trust me not to do anything so stupid!" He cried slapping my hands off him. "I want you to trust me not to go and give myself up because you believe I'd choose to stay with you. I want us to solve this problem together. It's not me who doesn't understand Ciaran, it's you!"

We glared at each other, neither of wants to bend or give in. Then he looked away, his jaw clenched and there were fresh tears in his eyes. He was shaky on his feet when he started for the doors.

"Where are you going?" I choked out, frozen on the spot where he left me standing. I wanted to grab onto him, explain over and over why I can't do what he wants until he understands my fears. But I don't trust myself to touch him right now and I don't think Ruari would want me to.

"I can't be around you right now. I'll find another place to stay for tonight. Don't worry I won't run away." After that parting spat he walked out.

I grabbed the first thing that came in contact with my hand and flung it on the nearby wall. I felt a shard of glass slice through my cheek, just under my left eye, but I didn't care. I continued to thrash the room until all that's left were broken pieces of glass and furniture.

How did it turn out this way? We were happy yesterday. We were doing fine last night and before I left this morning I was sure tonight would be no different. What had gone wrong? Where did I go wrong?

I was sitting in the far end of the room staring blankly at the havoc I created when a knock came on the door. Lorcan entered with Bran not far behind him and was momentarily stunned to say or do anything before shaking his head and moving further into the wrecked room.

"The west border had been attacked alpha," he reported. "They're advancing faster within the territory than the last party, two dozen wolves at least. The warriors are ready. We're waiting for orders."

I stood up and flexed my whole body, loosening my taut limbs and mentally preparing for a fight.

"Tell all the warriors to move out, order the women and children to stay within the house. Have the remaining wolves that can fight patrol the premise around the pack house while we're gone. This is the second wave of their attack. They'll be aiming for more kills if not for anything."

I rubbed my raw knuckles and headed for the double doors.

 "Alpha, what about Ruari?" Lorcan asked. "He wants to..."

"He's not coming with us. Bran will stay here with him." I answered stiffly before turning to Bran. "If he insists on going out to fight, I give you leave to incapacitate him in any way you see fit."

'Alpha?" Bran paled at the suggestion but I just shrugged. On a one on one fight Bran don't stand a chance but if Ruari doesn't know what's coming to him then he won't be able to block or fight it.

"You won't be able to stop him from doing what he wants if you don't hurt him. And if hurting him would keep him safe, then do so. Do you understand?"

"Ciaran I don't think..." Lorcan tried to argue but I just glared at him. I have no time for arguments and suggestions right now.

"Do you understand Bran?" I repeated.

I don't care what anyone thinks. Ruari can curse and hate me all he wants but by god I am going to protect him in the way I know how. Those people will not touch a hair on his head, not while I'm alive and breathing.

"Yes, alpha." Bran bowed at the command but I could see he, too, wanted to say something.

"Let's go,"

I led the way down the stairs and saw Ruari standing not far from the door when I reached it. I stopped in my tracks when my eyes connected with his, held. He's waiting for me to say something but for the life of me I don't know what. Instead of guessing what he wants me to say, I signaled for Bran to come forward.

"Bran will keep you safe while I'm gone."

I searched for some trace of emotion in his face that could give me a hint as to how or what he's feeling at the moment but disappointingly found none.

His face was a mask of nothingness and void when he answered. "I see..."

It was just two words, an act of compliance to my silent demand from him. Then why do I feel like it had more meaning than that? When I continued to walk out the door I felt like I was turning away and walking out on something that wouldn't be there when I come back. But that's ridiculous! He's finally doing something I asked him to do without question or argument. I should be content with that.

I shook my head to keep my wits about me. There's no time to think about anything aside from the fight ahead of me. They're coming for what's mine and I'd be damned if I let them have their way.

"Move out!" I ordered the wolves waiting for me outside.

I took point before phasing and run headlong into a night full of blood and death.