Reject (mxm)

Chapter Fifteen: Ruari

"They're all freshly baked." She smiled.

She's petite and young, probably just turned thirteen or fourteen, with an impish face and reddish hair to match. I can tell she's new to the pack but so far she's the only one in the entire room treating me like a normal person.

I smiled back and picked a muffin from her tray.

"Thanks," I murmured before sitting on the far end of the table not daring to look at anyone.

Once seated everything in the room sort of restarted. It felt like when I entered they were all holding their breaths, waiting for what I would do, and since I didn't do or say anything interesting they just resumed what they were doing before I arrived.

I sighed and broke my muffin in two, biting on one half and setting the other back on the plate. It probably tasted good but right now it tasted like saw dust in my mouth.

I shouldn't have gone down here. This is worse than eating alone upstairs. What hell was I thinking?

"You do know that your presence here this morning was a complete shock to everyone," Lorcan said sitting on the chair beside mine. "You'd have to forgive them if they didn't know how to treat you."

I grunted at his concern. It's not like I'm not used to being treated like an outcast. At least one person had the nerves to be civil with me this morning, two counting Lorcan, that should be enough.

I pushed plate away and sighed trying hard not to bang my head on the table.

Why am I still sulking goddamnit!

"Leanne," Lorcan said after a while, sipping at his coffee.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"You were wondering what her name is, it's Leanne." He said setting down his cup, looking at the girl's direction. "She came here over a year ago with her younger brother Cale. They were from a small pack in the south, probably the first pack that'd been slaughtered by the raids. Could you imagine, she crossed states and walked through the woods for over a month with her brother on her back to get here?"

"How old is her brother?" I couldn't help asking my eyes following the movement of the petite girl who showed me kindness and respect even though she hardly knows me.  

"Four," he answered. "She helps out in preparing meals and takes care of her brother for the rest of the time."

"Does she go to school?" I asked. Those responsibilities are too much for someone so young. She should be with friends, doing stupid stuff, laughing and worrying about nothing.

"Yes, of course." He answered. "Ciaran made sure everything they need is provided for. She really doesn't need to help out. She's still too young and Ciaran told her so but she said they're not here for charity. So we just let her do what she wants since it seems to make her happy."

"She's a strong girl."

"That she is..."

I watched Leanne a minute longer feeling a slight tug in my heart. She easily blends and disappears in the crowd if you're not particularly paying attention. I used to be just like her. But maybe I was more fortunate because I've been alone my whole life. I don't really know or understand the meaning of loss.

But Leanne have known her family, she had known love and affection and all that was harshly taken away from her. At a young age she's saddled with a responsibility that would have crippled anyone with less determination and strength. Now she's searching for someplace she and her brother could belong to, somewhere they could live and thrive. I really hope they found that here.

"How many survivors come to Moonscape since the raids started?" I turned to Lorcan. As beta he'd have at least an estimation of how many members were in a situation like Leanne and her brother. "Do other packs absorb them as well or they just come here or rogue?"

"So far, no more than fifty. The raids wipe out entire packs. They're careful not to leave survivors and those who manage to live through it are very few and very lucky. They feel more comfortable to run with the pack than be alone and go rogue. So yes, they come here or to other packs who would accept them."

"Do they talk about the raids?" I prodded. "Share information as to who or what we're facing?"

"Yes, they give us as much information as they could. But there's really nothing pertinent in any of the intel we've gathered so far. At least nothing that gives us a clue as to who's behind the raids."

"Would it be possible for me to talk to some of the survivors?"

I don't know what I could do to help but my mind is working a mile a minute. There is always information, some detail that might have been overlooked. In these types of situations you have to be excessively thorough. I'm not implying Moonscape isn't detailed but maybe a pair of new and fresh eyes could help.

I need to do something. These people are losing their homes and family. Children like Leanne and her brother are left without parents to lean on. We have to stop these fucking raids!

Lorcan didn't answer so I turned fully to face him. He has an odd look on his face that I didn't like.

"What?" I asked.

"You were questioning me like an alpha." He said averting his eyes. "I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you about the raids."

I stiffened. So that's how it is...

"Let me guess," I said through clenched teeth. "Ciaran doesn't want me involved."

"He's just trying to keep you safe," Lorcan reasoned.

I shot to my feet and headed for the back door with all the eyes in the room fastened on me.

"Safe? Does keeping information from me help you do that?" I snapped once I was out of the pack house. "Tell me Lorcan, what were you all thinking when you dragged me back here? Did you think that I'd sit and wait for this shit to blow over? That I won't ask questions or offer any help? Well, if that's the case, fuck you and fuck Ciaran!"

"Alp-... Ruari, please understand they're threatening you, personally. The pack needs you secured. It's the only reason why we're reluctant to tell you anything." Lorcan explained. "We're concerned that if you know more about the situation you'd run straight into danger and..."

"Do you all think I'm stupid?" I snarled.

"No! Of course not..."

"Suicidal?"

"No, but..."

"Then why on earth would you think I'd do those silly things you're thinking of?" I spat viciously.

They can paint it as pretty as they like. But I'm not naïve and I'm definitely not stupid. Nothing has changed. My situation in this pack, regardless of my standing with Ciaran, is the same as when I left five years ago. I am an outsider. I'll always be an outsider. What the fuck was I thinking believing otherwise?

"If you're not going to help me get the information I need, I'd acquire it myself!" I growled. "I know you're here to babysit me. It's the only reason why Ciaran would not take you to wherever the hell he is right now. But I need to go for a run and if you don't want to be torn into shreds I suggest you and your pack warriors keep your fucking distance!"

I walked to the edge of the forest and once I was within the cover of the trees I shed my clothes and phased. I ran not caring where I was headed. I could feel half a dozen wolves following me but like I suggested they kept their distance. I could easily lose them if I wanted to but I know they're just doing their jobs so I kept running at a moderate pace.

Maybe I'm overreacting. There's really no reason for me to be angry. I know that. But I can't help it. I am very, very, disappointed. Not only does he not trust me, he does things that confuse the shit out of me. He took away my freedom and now he's expect me to do nothing while he plot and hide things from me? Will the wonders never cease?

I can't wait for Ciaran to come back home. Not for anything other than to give me a chance to wring his freaking neck!