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chapter 23: in case i die tomorrow.

I mean, weirdly enough, I think I'm closer to feeling that with Noah than I was with Campbell, or anyone really, and that's scaring the fuck out of me. And that's what I can't stop thinking about.

But I can't do relationships!

Noah texted me that he is on his way here, and the anticipation is killing me. I've thought so much about what I want to tell him, that I'm back to square one: having no fucking clue.

I think, if anything I want to be honest. Whatever comes to my mind when I see him, stare at his pretty green eyes, I'll tell him.

Not just for him, because he deserves to know how I feel towards him, since he makes me feel so good (not just sexually), but for me too. I think I need to face my fears. I have nothing to lose. Even if he doesn't feel things for me or whatever, even if he wants to hide it still or whatever, it's not like we're going to start a relationship so I have literally nothing to lose.

I'm still concerned about Campbell, but I truly believe what V said could be very much so the truth. Campbell loves me. That I know for sure. I know how much we mean to each other. And I know my happiness is his number one priority. Just like mine is his. And I don't care any less for him because I also care for Noah. That is not a thing. My heart has plenty of space for everyone. Plus, as I've mentioned before, I really don't want to think Campbell actually wants to genuinely date me or whatever, so I don't want this to be mean any more than it actually should.

And like V also said, it's not fair to live my life feeling the need to hide because of anyone else. Not even Campbell but especially not a bunch of random people on the squad, in school, wherever it is...

But it's still easier said than done.

The sound of my phone takes me out of my own head. It's a text from Noah. 

Okay, it's happening, Sky, relax, you got this, c'mon.

Noah: im here. do u want me to go to the back door?

Okay, first step of this is letting him in like a real human, okay that should be easy. My parents are out at a work dinner party and Brook is already asleep because he was so tired from our flight and trip. Well, I was too, but I couldn't sleep, you can guess why.

Sky: nah. the front gate is fine. ill be there in 2.

I jump out of my bed and quickly make my way downstairs. I run to the front gate and catch Noah, in his Mercedes, messy curls held back by sunglasses and dressed in all black. He smiles as soon as he sees me and of course I do the same. How could I not?

God damn, he is so attractive. No wonder I only want to fuck him. Does anyone else compare?

"Peter, this is Noah, you can let him in. Any time he comes here, okay? I'll send you a photo of him, and all his info, don't worry, yeah?" I tell Peter, the security guard.

My dad is a pretty well-known musician, so our house is packed with security guards, security cameras, everything. There's a list of people allowed in the house, and whenever someone is added to that list, a bunch of stuff needs to be done. But I'll take care of it.

"Okay, Sky. As you wish." He says and opens the gate.

"Thank you very much." I say and smile, making my way to the car, sitting on the passenger sit. "Hi baby." I tell Noah and kiss him. 

Damn, Noah looks shocked, Peter looks as if he has seen a ghost. Man, what am I doing?

"Hey." He says and smiles. "What is up with you and all this..." he thinks a bit "...shamelessness, shall I say."