"Ahad please..." I gazed at his eyes. They were the deepest that I had ever found. My emotions scurried away towards a more tightening grip in my throat, pinning it to an unending saga of pain but that was not my concern.
"Trust me. Parishay was kil...
"No Dad. If Zohaib Bhai wouldn't have informed me now. You guys would have actually tied her into a loveless arrangement."
"You're over reacting." Dad's voice was stern, he was trying to maintain a calm conversation but I guess my twin will make sure to fight for me. "I am not. Mom, you made sure I married Saad because he loved me, I loved him. Zohaib Bhai loved Minal and so did she but Zairaah? You can't do this to her."
"We are not forcing her, Zahiraah."
"Oh trust me, she is oppressed."
"She isn't." Mom replied shortly.
"She doesn't deserves this."
I didn't deserved this?
"Zairaah, I asked you something." My voice struck on my throat. The answers were not coming out. I tried hard. I knew I didn't wanted this. I'd never want this. "Zee, tell them. You know what you want."
Her words were true; I wanted to let it out but I could hardly form any words to describe. It was too hard to let everything out. Three pair of eyes fixed at me, I just stared blankly down.
"I d-don't want t-this, Dad. I can't live with him when there'd be nothing in our marriage," I stated with closed eyes. I heard my father sighing. He didn't said anything further but just one, "Alright."
This wasn't happening. Ahad and I weren't getting married. This was real. I am free from all the clutches, it's true. He got up and went towards the door but another person rushed inside between Dad and door. She ran towards me and sat on my lap carefree playing with fingers.
The warmth of her chubby body clinging to mine hit me softly. It was his daughter. It was Ahad's daughter,
Jannat.
Why is she pulling the tenderness of my heart? Her warmth; it was so serene that I held her closer and pecked her forehead. She kept playing until she slept in my chest. Snuggling closer and her little arms wrapped around my waist.
I looked up my parents who stood still and shocked just like me. I couldn't understand why was she so fonded with me? Why she wanted to come here? How can she differentiate between Zahiraah and I? It was just a mole that made a difference between us but this little kid knew who I was clearly.
"You sure you don't want this?" Dad's voice stopped me from thinking what I was thinking. Is it destiny that is pulling me towards her? Perhaps. She does needs a mother who would cherish her. A mother who would love her, admire her to the fullest but could I be one?
This time even Zahiraah didn't said anything. She was silent, deep in a daze of thoughts that twisted and tangled her in bafflement.
"I-i..." I kept thinking.
"Their family leaves tomorrow. We will conduct a small engagement if are okay with it. If not, it's fine I'll inform Shaheer."
They left, leaving me in a threshold of bafflement. I stared at the child who snuggled my waist like I was her only hope.
A mother moulds her child to the best. She has the power to be the shield to her child. She has to be selfish, at least she would always want the best for her child. I have always assumed that it's fine for a mother to be selfish after all she went through so much of pain to give birth to her child, to give a life. Her body broke apart with pain at the time of delivery and it was not fine to be addressed that a mother was wrong when she cares about her child.
And the child in my lap yearned for that feeling, starved for that warmth, hoped for that fondness.
Was I the only strangle for her? Could I be any better to her?
The door opened revealing Roshan and Ahad who stood hastily as if they stopped in a marathon. Sweat beads that dropped down their temples were accompanied with worry that knitted their brows together but soon the whispers of worry washed away when they saw Jannat.
I guess they were trying to find her.
"She came here all by herself..." I reasoned before they could muster up assumptions that I took her but the softness in Ahad's eyes confused me. "She would never," he murmured.
"She did," I stated.
He glanced towards Roshan before she entered inside softly tried to take her but something in me stopped myself to give Jannat to her.
"Let her be," They glanced at each other. "She'd wake up. You said she hadn't slept well last night, that's why."
My reason was not baseless but I didn't wanted to leave Jannat either. "She's a light sleeper, isn't she?"
"How'd you know?" He asked.
"Why would you wanna know that?" I spat. He was a little taken aback by my quick response. I shrugged the urge to chuckle looking how he suprised he was. "No one knows about her sleeping habit other than Roshan, Ammi and I."
I nodded. "I was curious."
"Aren't you now?"
"Off course, I am."
Spontaneous enough. I sighed, "Parishay had told me in Zahiraah's wedding."
In the presence of Parishay's name, his softness flew away, kissing the uncomfortable memories in his forehead. His eyes as hard as rock. It felt as if I have never witnessed them soft, not even for Jannat. The embarassment that touched the pit of our stomachs was too flustering.
I doubted our conversation to be dragged any longer. As silence gripped a hold tighter than I had imagined. I felt embarassed about my words. I shouldn't have presented Parishay's name but it was the truth.
A naked truth, raw and painful.
He glanced here and there before resting his brown orbs on me. "Let me know when Jannat wakes up."
"I'll make sure to ping you," Ahad left but Roshan stayed. She sat beside me, clutching my palms, she began, "We are sorry for pushing you in a dilemma that would hurt you." I knew what she was talking about. I gazed at Jannat.
Crossing all the boundaries of my heart, the clutches of my mind, I had decided.
I had finally decided.
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