DON'T BE DEAD

CHAPTER 1

A/N: Hey everyone! I am back again with a new Johnlock fanfic for you all!!! FOLLOW ME ON 

@ UGLYAV0CADO ON INSTA TO KEEP UDATED ABOUT THE FANFIC!!!

I thought that song fits quite well with this chapter so LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE YOU READ THE CHAPTER if you want to :). From now on I will try to put a song for every chapter :)

Well, I hope you enjoy this fanfic as much as I am enjoying to write it!

Remember:let me know your thoughts in the comments!!!

Anyway, here is chapter 1 soooooo enjoyyyyy <3

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It had been 2 dreadful years since John witnessed Sherlock's suicide. He was still hurting but despite that, he was feeling a little bit better.

*Months after the Reichenbach Fall*

A few months after the fall, John decided to move from 221B; it was too painful to live there where everything reminded him of Sherlock.

John was a total mess; he didn't sleep good, he didn't eat properly either, he didn't talk unless it was really necessary, he got drunk almost every night, he didn't go out... also, he hadn't even tried to date anyone, since he was too afraid of getting too attached to someone and end up hurt... just as it happened with Sherlock. He just didn't feel ready to get into a relationship, he was still very sorrowful about Sherlock's death, which, of course, was totally normal. But there was something else; even after begging at Sherlock's grave for a miracle, that Sherlock stopped being dead, there was something that didn't feel right. John felt as if he forgot to tell him something but didn't know what could it possibly be, since, according to him, everything that he needed to say, had been said. Nevertheless, he still felt like something was missing. After spending some days trying to figure out what could that be, it hit him.

John was at the morgue talking to Molly, who became a close friend of the doctor when Sherlock died, when out of the blue the woman asked

"Did you tell him, John?" the doctor frowned; he had no idea what she was talking about and he asked

"If I told what to whom?" he replied chuckling. Molly looked at him as if he should already know what was she talking about and softly said

"If you told Sherlock that... Well, that you love him"

The doctor didn't reply. He just looked at Molly about to deny what she had just said but then it hit him; she was right. He was not only sorrowful about Sherlock's death; he was heartbroken and as much as he had denied it for years, it was true: he was in love with Sherlock Holmes, he had always been, and he unconsciously knew it, but he refused to admit that it was true, why? He didn't know. John was in love with Sherlock but now it was too late because the consulting detective was dead and there was nothing John could do about it... Why couldn't he have realised his love for the detective sooner? Why didn't he say anything when he had the chance? Why? Why did he have to be so afraid to admit his true feelings?

After a few seconds of silence, the doctor finally said

"No, I didn't tell him..." he chuckled cheerlessly and looked at Molly, who was staring at him pitifully. There. He finally said it. He felt a huge relieve but at the same time a big amount of pain; he was in love with Sherlock but he couldn't tell him now. Then, curious, John asked

"How did you know, Molly?" the woman just smiled a little bit and said

"It's pretty obvious. The way you looked at him, the way you talked about him... Things like that."

It had been several months now since the detective's death and John still went to his grave every single day. He just talked to him about anything and everything or sometimes he just sat there and cried. This went on for months, until one day the doctor went to visit Sherlock's grave, as usual. He walked through the mossy hills of the cementery until he arrived to that solitary black grave that laid beside a very tall tree, which, now barren, had no use in shadowing the grave.

John stood there for a while before he started talking, looking at the name written on the black, cold stone. 'Sherlock Holmes' it said. John still couldn't believe that his best friend was dead and as annoying as Sherlock could be, John missed him and his madness so much. He missed their little adventures... everything.

John started telling him that he had visited Molly that day and that they have become really close since his suicide and, after a while, he couldn't help it but to start crying. It was all too much, he couldn't do that anymore, so he told Sherlock that he wouldn't visit him anymore, because it was too painful; it was too painful to talk to him and not have an answer, it was too painful not to hear his voice nor his laugh, not to see him... It was just too much pain to handle and John felt like he couldn't take it anymore because every time he went there to talk to the detective, he ended up crying uncontrollably; he wasn't even talking to Sherlock, just to his grave, he needed to move on and get over his best friend's death, as difficult as it could be, he had to learn to live with the pain.

He put his hand on the cold black stone and choking back his tears he said

"Goodbye Sherlock".