•°.poetry.°•

•°.white lights.°•

train station at night
white noise in my head
blinking fast
shaking hands
too bright
why can't i just turn down the light of the world

too much colour
too happy
a perfect metaphor for humanity maybe
all in the dark being fake happy with sprinkles of colours nobody wants
the chaos of the world hitting us like white neon lights
like deers in front of two headlights
about to be hit by the car that is the chaos of this world

this beautiful desaster

the voices in my head scream
too much light, i want darkness
darkness is my home
it's where i want to be

people talking
why do people talk so much
why can't they shut up
my head it hurts so much

coffee in the morning
black, strong
holding it tight to keep my hands from shaking
hot, burning
tingling sensation on my tongue
leaving a dry taste
i feel sick
if from hunger or anxiety
i can't tell
my hands need to do something
frantically folding the paper cup in my grasp

tick, tack goes the clock
1, 2, 3 goes the voice in my head

my eyes flash over
tired people
i'm tired
exhausted, really
numb to everything
let me sleep
i want to go home

listen to music
the singer screaming my pain away
the beat of the drums flodding my head
like waves that i so desperately want to hug me
and never let me go
drowning

sometimes i feel like only death can fill this void
but what if the dark, cold water can too
what if people could too
if they weren't too much up in their head to care
so selfish

i can't really blame them though
seeing as i am guilty of exactly the same
so selfish
making other people worry
making other people sad
just helping them to get the feeling of being wanted
being needed
having a purpose

when in reality
we're all ending up at a train station
bright, white neon lights blinding us
numbing us
telling us
that the universe doesn't need us
the universe doesn't care about us
the only person who cares about us is ourselves
doing everything to keep our hands from shaking
our heart from breaking
our head from hurting

but all the selfishness only leads us to sitting in a corner
hugging our knees
staring at the wall with blood-shot eyes
rocking back and forth
hoping that something can pull us away
from the cold gaze of the white lights