Going Live- A Destiel Fanfic

If Only It Was More

|Dean|

Despite always wanting to know what his lips taste of, I had always hoped that it would be real the first time.

The most prominent feeling that burrows its way into my chest as I feel Cas's lips on mine is greed. I want more. I want to take more. I want it to be more.

They're soft and warm against my own, but only for a moment as they are taken from me too soon. Soft lips are replaced with electric blue eyes and I'm reminded that they are not mine to possess. He does not belong to me and he never will. That's what stings more than anything. Knowing that I'll never get that again.

I've never been so desparate in my life. I've never wanted to seize my chance more. I've never felt so helpless.

My lips fail to produce words as Castiel takes a microphone and holds it to the mouth mine was just pressed against. Jealousy washes over me in waves, drowning every other emotion in thick wanting.

"Alright. That's all we happen to have time for today, sadly Dean and I have to get home to Bee before she thinks we deserted her," he laughs, a newfound confidence managing to break through his usually shy demeanor. There's even a small laugh that accompanies it. A real one too. Where his lips crinkle at the corners and he flashes his bright, white teeth.

God, he's perfect.

~~~
The car ride to the hotel is awkward as hell. Small talk has never been my forte and it's clear that Cas has other things on his mind rather than talking about who his favorite fan was. And I have a feeling that I know exactly what's playing it's way through his thoughts, because it's the same thing that keeps pushing into my own.

I can't get the feeling of his hands in my hair from dominating my mind or his lips on mine or- I just can't stop thinking about him. His soft lips. His grasping hands. His perfect hips. His sparkling eyes. Just him.

"Listen. Dean. I know I crossed a line today," Cas says, not taking his eyes from the road. "I should have asked or warned you. I just didn't want the fans to get suspicious."

I feel the pang run deep into my heart as I'm reminded that it as nothing but an act. He continues to talk but I don't catch the last bit of his sentence. I can only hope that my voice doesn't betray my feelings. "It's fine Cas. I understand."

"No, there was no excuse for that. I apologize and it won't happen again unless I know we're both on the same terms."

If only he knew what terms I wish they were upon; he wouldn't have to excuse himself. "Okay Cas. I think you should just focus on getting us to the hotel safely." As my words leave my mouth, I watch as he visibly calms against the seats of the Impala. He drives silently, intent on watching the road and scanning for any sign of a threat. I'd never tell him this, but he's the only person I've ever let drive Baby as long as she's been in my possession.

It's peaceful driving with him too. It's smooth and precise enough to fall asleep to the rumbling of the engine as she glides across the concrete. Classical rock music serenades the cab, drifting through the slightly cracked open windows and into the busy world of traffic beyond black metal. I could do this for hours. Road trip for days on end, just listening to Castiel's humming and the wind whispering it's way through our hair.

~~~
|Castiel|

Dean is oddly quiet, but I don't blame him. If I were him, I'd being thinking of every possible solution to our YouTube problem. 'He's probably thinking of how he can get rid of me right now.' And I wouldn't blame him. The fact that I purposely invaded his space and took something from him as intimate as a kiss. I had no right to even think of trying to steal that from him.

In an attempt to draw my mind away from my previous, condemning actions, I drum my fingers along the steering wheel to the drums beating through the radio. The tips of my hands thumping to the rhythm as I watch the road in front of me. It's only another five minutes to the hotel, but I've never felt like five minutes could be so long. Although, I'm grateful.

I know that as soon as those five minutes are up, I'm going to have to face the consequences of my actions. Maybe it's better if they're on my own terms. I can only think of what would happen if Dean had to be the one to address how far I've pushed him the last few days. Sharing his bed, his fame, and then still taking a kiss from him? It's selfish and wrong of me. Before I can stop myself, or even think about what I'm saying, my mouth forms it's own words. "Listen. Dean. I know I crossed a line today. I should have asked or warned you. I just didn't want the fans to get suspicious. I guess I'm just saying that I'm sorry I pushed your boundaries, I know you didn't appreciate what I did."

He seems dazed by my words, as though he didn't hear a word of my apology. It's silent in the car aside from the small talk he attempted to initiate earlier. It's awkward but he manages to find his words. "It's fine Cas. I understand." I can see some kind of emotion cloud over his face and my heart hurts at the idea of him being disgusted by my actions, but I don't blame him.

"No, there was no excuse for that. I apologize and it won't happen again unless I know we're both on the same terms," I state, knowing that our terms will never been the same. He's far too advanced for someone like me, it just never works out in those kinds of situations. The movies are wrong, not every story gets a happily ever after.

~~~
Okay~ I'm truly sorry that this chapter is so short, but I'm starting school back up and I've started a new job so I wanted to at least get something out for you guys.

Hopefully I'll have more for you soon~ love you all