Unpredictable

Covered up

I looked, admired, loved and felt its warmth....little did I fall into these traps

Little did I know that I'm going on the wrong path

And shall I be honest and say that I did wrong, in many ways uncontrollably and unconsciously

Things were going very smooth until a whisper came out of nowhere and splattered the consciousness in me, ruined all the limits I had always been going on and learnt by heart

Am I losing everything with time, is there intends of letting go of who I am, or who I've grown up to be, being my own distractor and my own watcher gave me a whole splatted character.

I have been covered up my whole life, covered with all these humans surrounding me, covered and raised to be what they spoke of me, what they made me sound like....i been that, I built up my possibilities by the talks, I've grown my abilities upon what I can be and do, I've created an unlimited ability to do what I ever want, would have said "can" instead of just want but being a can-ner made no sense with what I've created up, more like I want it, I do it!

Things had never sounded any easier before and it seemed easier to me right now, even the burns I thought I am capable and can bare them seemed to break some pieces of the ego I had, cause guess what it was unbearable and my unresisting self which I thought was strong enough couldn't bare that pain.

Pain is just more than what we hear and say, pain is more than what we convince ourself or feel while watching other's being under this condition, I never went through the idea of doing something wrong in purpose just for the sake of satisfaction, my brain went beyond seeking forgivness and mercy, I need love but not any, I want that one which I'll never fear losing, the one that would admire my boring side before any other good side of me, the only one who would have faith in what I am and what I can achieve in life, I feel that such support is needed in my side, the only missing part in my puzzle, the hardest to find yet the most relaxing stage of life, falling in the right direction, falling on the hands which would count me a keeper, hide me under its shadow and warm my heart whenever needed.