Unpredictable

It is what it is

It really confuses people and sometimes myself when we think about deep things, the little things that we though we knew, and we lived our life trying to know what's above it without wondering if we already have enough knowledge, enough information about those little details we skipped.

I figured out something lately, human beings in general enjoy pretending that they know everything, pretend that their knowledge is infinite. You can try it and you will figure out that this is totally true, try talking about anything, bring up any topic even if it was about astronauts and believe me the other person will certainly start chatting about the topic and saying things you never knew before, you won't even be sure if it's 100% true or not. Despite that you will find yourself In an endless circle, the topic will go on till there is nothing left to tell anymore, there is no lie left to say. Eventually it will only leave you with a senseless feeling and endless thought. You will probably wish you hadn't got into that topic from the beginning and just move on for the rest of the day.

Awkward, isn't it.

I keep on trying to skip those awkward moments, it teases me how things work with me, at first I am very excited to do something , when it comes over I find myself in a pretty awkward situation, I cant do anything with it, I can't change it or even control myself, I will make this more clear by telling you about one of those night I been through.

Once I was actually going to a farewell party for one of my friends, while preparing just like anyone else I was excited and couldn't stop dancing, if you can imagine how I was almost like a maniac dancing and putting that makeup, anyway enough with insulting myself I finished and took off to the party, it wasn't something big just few friends gathering with some music and lights. Ohh and I can't describe that cute little husky I saw that night, even though I do fear dogs but with that cuteness am unpredictable for real.

Everyone started dancing, and to be honest it was really fun, but unfortunately I was acting really awkward I couldn't even get up and dance not even 1 song, there came a song I liked and everyone asked me to get up and dance, but no I just couldn't move my legs. Of course you are wondering just why! Well let me tell you, I don't really know I just sat there drinking my cola and staring at them or sometimes doing some moves to show them that am feeling that vibe. It's like something is telling me not to get up, I even feel heaviness once I get up to get something or grab a drink.

I tried few times to think about it, what's making me do so, what's not letting me enjoy that moment, I ended up sleeping in the couch from all those thoughts which had no sense at all!

I finally diagnosed my condition, I might have that stage fear thingy, it's like when somebody watches you doing something I just find myself numb, not able to do a things. Please somebody tell me its curable!!!

I finally found myself accepting the fact that I can't do anything about it, maybe someday in the future I might change this habit and just do what I like doing without feeling embarrassed about anything I do. Or maybe just maybe I will just forget this part of my life and lead my way to a busy life, in which I wont even have time for partying and the only thing I enjoy doing on weekends is having a movie night and going out for a coffee or dinner with my dearest people. Is that impossible? Will I give up the life which is filled with excitement and endless laughs with some boring life, from memorizing hits lyrics to scene scripts or actress names and roles, will I trade the 2 hour phone calls with novels and work, can I possibly turn myself to a nerd... this thought makes me laugh for a bit frankly, is this something that actually happens in real life, well even if it happened I don't think I will move on from that life this easy, there must always be this snag which will hold me 10 steps back from where I've reached.

Speaking about snags, I've always had them, even when things went well there is this thing or this person who have to do something exactly the opposite or just take too long to do something which was supposed to be done in few seconds. Uhh I can't say a thing about it except that I've learned few lessons so far, which is don't ever let people do what you were supposed to do, secondly good things certainly take a long long time to happen so keep that longanimity rising up.