Aerial

The Pink Envelope

Some things I've never seen you get emotional about:
-Your ankle
-Your parents
-Your assault

You don't cry often, hardly at all. I hate to see it. But it's kind of beautiful. It gives me the gnarliest bubble guts.

I hope you know and believe that you did nothing wrong with Tex and Riff. You were a victim and you handled it with the fiercest fucking claws I've ever seen in my life. I just want you to process that shit, okay? You might be scared to get in strange people's cars for a while and might be reluctant to be vulnerable with someone again, and know that that's okay. It's my fault, too. I should've known better; I should've picked up on more signals. I shouldn't have walked out on you after you'd just been attacked. Just feel that shit and try to accept it, understand that you're smart and tough and that you're gonna be ready to trust people again one day, as soon as you start to feel safe again. Tex and Riff are psychotic scumbags and don't deserve any of your precious brain space. Get a restraining order against both of them if you can. Nettie will help you. Please be safe. Remember what I taught you. Let those fuckers (all men) know you're paying attention. I'm so sorry that you have to live with those repercussions, that you have to live with any of this at all. You're too good.

Je t'aime.

The lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel were warm like honey. Your skin looked really nice with the moon and the wind bouncing off of it. It surprised me how fucking scared you were in the haunted house. Before that, I thought your fears were all internal: intimacy, abandonment and failure. I didn't tell you this, but I was kind of embarrassed that I couldn't pop seven of those fuckhead balloons. But you deserved that bunny for champing the pier with no fucking knickers on. Pink Bunny. Light of Love. Jack Rabbit. Hollywood Hells. Funnel cake. Photo booth. Eat your ass out for breakfast.

Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Holy shit!!! I have the palm tree tattooed on me. Jesus Christ –

I just scanned for any other new fun surprise tattoos and I can't seem to find any. Do you know anything about this? What the fuck. Freak me the fuck out. You should've seen my face just now.

"Les bonnes filles vont au paradis."
"Et bons garçons?"
"J'ai toujours été ici."

I have.

I saw you dancing in your pointe shoes early that one morning. I think it was "The Dying Swan." You look so beautiful when you're frowning, when you're doing something that you love to do, when you're on your toes.

I saw you dancing to Jefferson Airplane in your living room after Chubby's, too. You kind of suck at dancing in secret. I think because it's too perfect to hide behind.

I should have kissed you back that time we were dancing to Marvin Gaye in practice room two. Now you know why, you know that I was afraid we'd be caught and we would have ended before we had a chance to start. But I should have kissed you anyway.

The Cat's Paw. Golden Pier. The Sweet Hereafter. Temptations. Bunny Hill. Susie Q's. The Streamline Cinema. Chubby's.

Fuck. Chubby's. That was our first date. You know that, right?

Daddy.

You told those chicks I had the clap because you were mad at me for fucking around backstage. Fuck, you're a warrior princess. An Amazon woman of slightly smaller stature.

Tell me something. I love your secrets.

You get cranky when you're hungry. You get sassy when you're angry. You get singsongy when you're concentrating. You get talkative when you're nervous. You get quiet when you're worried. You get real fucking sweet when you're comfortable.