to jay, from j • j2

chapter five

Jensen, sadly, didn't see Jared again the next day. But they texted and talked on the phone all Sunday, and Jared dropped something in their messages that Jensen was glad he decided to talk about over the phone. Because otherwise, Jensen might have thrown his secret identity in Jared's face just by the panic of the topic being dropped.

So I was thinking that maybe I could meet J but still take you to prom? Would you be okay with that?

No! Fuck no! Abort mission! Retreat!

But that's unfair. If J was someone else, he would be okay with it because he's confident in the way Jared feels about him, so saying no would have nothing to do with Jared or J and everything to do with himself. Jared's even still taking Jensen to prom. How asshole-ish of Jensen would it be to sit here and fix his fingers to tell Jared no, he can't meet J? And if Jensen wasn't okay with it, Jared would shut that shit down so fast and really that's just not fair.

Maybe it should bother Jensen that Jared suddenly wants to meet the person that's known for having a crush on him, but it truly doesn't. That may have something to do with knowing deep down that J is him, and the ridiculous amount of trust he has for Jared, plus, can Jensen blame Jared for being curious? Jensen's been curious himself about how it would go for meeting Jared as J, how he would react. It's a bit different because Jensen's on the revealing side, but the point still remains.

So...

Yeah I'd be okay with that. Promise not to ditch me for your secret lover though? ;)

It's Monday morning and Jensen had to take a trip to the library, because this? Definitely a good reason to take advantage of his friendship with Jessica and get out of class to talk with her.

"Jess, what do I do? Prom is in just a few weeks and Jared wants to meet him."

Jessica, who's been cataloging a large stack of books, pauses, then spins on her chair with a sigh. "You've got two options. One, you could come clean. Two, you... J... could just never show up."

"That'd be really fucked up. He'd basically be getting stood up," Jensen says, corner of his lips tugging down. He doesn't like the sound of that happening to Jared whether it's him or not.

"It's not like he'd think it was your fault."

"But I'd still feel guilty about it."

"Well then I guess you gotta tell him." Jessica gives him an apologetic shrug at Jensen's grimace. "It won't be that bad, Jense. Just think about it-would he even be upset over it?"

Jensen pauses to think about that. Would he be upset?

Jensen wouldn't be able to fault Jared if he was upset over it, would he? Jensen sat back and let Jared work himself up over not wanting J who, by the way, is Jensen, and even after Jared got twisted up in deciding what would be best to do for prom, Jensen let him keep worrying about it just to save his own ass. If he would have just told the truth, Jared wouldn't have had anything to be concerned about because he'd know J and Jensen are one in the same.

But Jared said no secret that he could keep...

But does that really apply to this?

This is fucked up all around. Jensen can't keep harboring this secret around because he's gonna feel like a selfish dick with any choice he makes. If he tells him, he's gonna feel guilty for lying about it to begin with. If he doesn't, he's gonna feel guilty for continuing to keep it a secret. At least if he tells Jared, he'll have a clean conscience.

"I'm gonna tell him. I just gotta figure out when..."

"Do it all cute like! You should tell him at prom. That would be so romantic," Jessica squeals, clapping her hands.