to jay, from j • j2

chapter one

Jensen is pretty sure he's in love with a guy that doesn't even know he exists.

Okay, maybe he's not in love, and Jensen knows that the guy is well aware of his existence, but you understand.

He's perfect. Incredibly hot, standing tall at 6'2, and no, Jensen doesn't have some type of height scanner built into his eyeballs, he checked the roster for the basketball team. His shoulders are broad and wide, and his biceps? So, so much muscle for Jensen to grip if he ever got the chance. Jensen's only gotten a brief glimpse of what lies beneath the t-shirts he wears, but Jensen soaks up each peek of hard lines and tanned skin like a sponge soaks up water, tucking the memory away in his mind for safe-keeping.

He's got floppy, brown hair that curls up adorably at the end, and there's nothing Jensen wants more than to run his fingers through it while he gets a taste of that cotton-candy pink mouth, those pretty lips that part around perfect teeth and dimple his cheeks. And his eyes, God, Jensen's dying to stare into his eyes for hours on end, and he's only ever gotten to see them a handful of times up close but he can never decide what color they are. Blue? Green? Hazel? Even-even grey at times?

He plays all kinds of sports; basketball, football, wrestling, runs track, and has even tried his hand at soccer and baseball. May not be as excellent at those last two but he damn sure managed to get a spot secured on the team. To make matters worse, he's certainly not a dumb jock like Jensen wishes he'd be because perhaps he would be just a tad less lovable, but he's certainly not stupid in any way, shape, or form. He's not in all of Jensen's AP classes-except the math one, because he's so damn good with numbers-but in freshman and sophomore year when AP classes weren't available for Jensen yet, they shared honor classes back then and Jared's still in honors now. Then to top it off, he's probably the sweetest guy to ever grace the Earth with his very presence.

His name is Jared fucking Padalecki, and he's the perfect guy.

It's like he walked straight out of a romance novel, the ones that Jensen's trained himself to believe are only fiction. Only ruining all that by being so amazing that he has no choice but to reconsider all the romantic gestures, question if they actually are realistic and he's just been missing out. Because damn if Jared isn't one of the most big-hearted people he knows-or, well, has inspected from afar.

Even in the romance novels, the guy is typically a bit of a jerk (because that's usually where the conflict of the story originates), but nope. And if Jensen could just work up the nerve to talk to Jared, the very least that'd happen is Jensen would be friendzoned. Because he'd go, "You're a great guy, Jensen, and I would totally date you. But it's just that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship right now. But if you're okay with it, I'd really love to be friends?" And successfully blow Jensen's heart to smithereens in the nicest way, so then Jensen has no excuse to hate him. Friendly piece of shit.

When Jared does speak to Jensen, usually just a random greeting or something about math (which baffles Jensen every time, considering he's the one who should be asking Jared about their work, not the other way around), Jensen gets all flustered and his tongue feels like a dead weight in his mouth and his vocal cords get all tied up. Jared just gives him a small, tight-lipped smile, like Jensen is an awkward little thing that he desperately wants to get away from. Or maybe it's actually Jensen that wants Jared to go away so he can't keep humiliating himself and ruining the small image that he manages to keep up. Eh, whatever-the point is that it's awkward, and Jensen makes it that way.

Jensen is kind of a goofball, and his personality is a bit on the wilder side, chiefly because there's so many aspects to the person Jensen is. When you begin to think one thing about him, you get flipped in the complete opposite direction. You think he wouldn't do this thing and then he goes and does it. You think he'd do this thing and it turns out that's the last thing he'd choose to do. You think his opinion on this would be that, but his opinion is actually that on this. It's a bit disorienting, but one thing about Jensen that's been the same since he was a young child, is that he's kind of closed off. As soon as you get him to open up though, he's tremendously jovial. It's generally a shock to people he doesn't talk to when they see him interact with people he's familiar with, or when he eventually warms up to new people, they always comment on how they never knew Jensen could act the way he does.