Everything I'm Not (GirlxGirl)

19. Freezing

Alvarrez is avoiding me.

How can I tell? First, she started going to school late. Not actually late, but later than what I was used to. She comes in just before the second bell rings, leaving us no idle time to talk to each other.

Second, she always has her earphones in. We've been seatmates for months, and I know for a fact that she only does this when she's not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Third,—and probably the one I hate the most—she doesn't meet my eyes. One of the things I like the most about her is her eyes. Not because they remind me of Jan, but because her eyes never lie.

Those mischievous green eyes and troublemaker smile is exactly what I've been keeping my distance from. She screams trouble, so I had my guard up against her. But it's also because of that that she kept catching my eye. And suddenly, I found myself paying more attention to her.

Every morning before I enter the classroom, I wonder if she's already there. Sometimes she's earlier than me, sometimes not. On Fridays, she doesn't bring her car. On her training days, I find myself glancing at the gym before going home.

Alvarrez wears her emotions on her sleeves. I can always tell when she's having a bad day, or when her team won a tune-up game from the day before. Right now, the expression on her face is neither.

Her eyebrows scrunched up at the math problem on the board. She mumbles something under her breath. At first, I thought she was talking to me. But she spoke louder, addressing the teacher in front. "Sir, you forgot to multiply the constant. The derivative of 5x cubed should be 15x squared."

The teacher checks his solution and sure enough, he did miss the constant. He thanks Alvarrez for the correction and proceeds to explain how everything happened on the board. It's at times like this that I catch myself smiling for no reason.

Alvarrez is not who I thought she would be. The image I had of her in my head before was an arrogant, lying piece of shit who thinks she can get anyone she wants. I made myself hate her so that I'll find a reason to stay away from her. But no, she's not like that.

She's kind and playful and honest. She greets the janitors when she passes by them. She always says sorry twice, sometimes more. She gives her handkerchief to people who need them. She curses in Tagalog—something I find amusing—when she's really pissed. Because of that, I studied the language.

As much as I hate to admit it, Alvarrez has been a part of my daily routine. My day doesn't feel complete without bantering with her.

The lunchtime bell rings. Kristina comes over to where we are sitting and asks Alvarrez to have lunch with her. The latter declines and scratches the side of her face with an index finger.

"Fire exit again?" Kristina asks. Alvarrez nods. Kristina sighs and gives her a sympathetic look. "Okay."

Dan, one of the very few people in our class who talks to me like a normal person, butts in on their conversation. "Hey, party at my place on Friday, it's my birthday." She looks at me. "You should come, too, Alex."

"I'm not sure." I shrug.

"Consider it your birthday gift to me." She beams. "Please?"

I sigh. "Okay, I'll try. But I won't promise anything."

"You're a tough nut to crack." She laughs. "See you."

Alvarrez takes a book out of her bag and leaves the room without another word. As for me, I make my way to the editorial office where I always eat my lunch. Sometimes, Leandro or Max joins me, but today, I have the office to myself.